What if I died today?
That question crosses my mind often...
An employee called our COO two days ago. He is terminally ill and wanted to talk to her, and thank her before he passed. She was touched beyond words and deep into tears.
Who would be on my list to call? And, whose list would I be on?
What if I died today?
How would I feel in my final moments?
If I died today,
I would die with a smile on my face and my heart full of love.
I would die grateful for the life that I have lived...
Grateful to have known true love with my wife,
and limitless love with my sons,
and my family in Peru, who is so much a part of me and who I am...
Grateful to have seen SO MUCH of the world.
My, how I have loved my travels... alone, with my family, with dear friends....
China, Italy, Thailand, Greece, Peru, the U.S. (and so many amazing places in it), France, Switzerland, Israel, Japan, Korea, India (so very amazing), Australia, Germany (the night in Baden Baden), Belgium, England, and so on... So many beautiful and amazing places! To have seen and tasted the world...
My heart would be full of memories... happy memories... so many unforgettable dinners on our deck (the anaconda) and at our home... so many of my favorite memories happened around a table with empty plates, full glasses and the dearest of friends...
I can't stop smiling thinking about my friends, my brothers... and the times that we have shared. So very, deeply grateful for you
...you know who you are.
I would die peacefully knowing that I have tried my very best
to live a life with purpose,
I feel my influence on our company, on our strategy, on our culture...
so much left to be done... and I would be leaving it so much better than I found it - thanks to so many wonderful people who work along side me.
I would die peacefully knowing that I
influenced the world around me in a very small but meaningful way...
Peaceful and grateful to have reached a level of consciousness -
to have become so very comfortable with the concept of death...
of finiteness.
I wouldn't regret anything...
not having started my own business,
not having owned a bigger house,
not having met some of my financial "goals"...
NONE of that carries any real weight in my heart.
And, I would be sad... sad to miss my boys growing up, and the experience of growing old with my wife... and the opportunity to share and celebrate again with friends...
Especially sad... so, so, so very sad for my father,
whom I believe would never recover from his third and last child dying before him. It would break my heart to die before him and leave him completely alone in his final chapter. I don't know that I can imagine the depth of the grief he would feel.
And, I would accept death openly - and would want to use it as a moment to show everyone that despite my occasional moments of disharmony...
I'd want them to see the certainty of my peace of mind in the core of my being... I'd want to leave behind for those who knew me the certainty that harmony is real and it works...
I would take my last breath... and imagine the long and eternal sleep that comes at the end of a nearly perfect day...
I would regret nothing, except possibly not having lived a little bit longer...
The thought of dying doesn't scare me.
In a strange way, it gives me clarity that I am on the right path...
And then,
That question then begs another...
What if I DON'T die today?
What will I do with my day?
With my life?
How will I show up to better influence my family, my business, my community?
What will I do to live with greater purpose and deeper meaning?
How will I balance all of the people that are important to me?
Where will I find the strength to keep getting stronger?
What if I don't succeed?
What if I disappoint... myself, my family, my friends, my colleagues...?
For many, I think the "What if I die" question is harder to navigate.
For me, the question that consumes me is the latter...
What if I don't die today?
...
If I die today, I will die with a smile on my face and a heart full of love...
grateful for a truly blessed journey.
If I live today, I will live with a smile on my face and a heart full of love...
grateful for a truly blessed journey,
AND
deeply grateful
for ONE more chance,
for ONE more day...
to better myself,
to change the world ;-)
...
to harmony!
Nestor