I heard a friend of mine once say,
“And,
there by the Grace of God,
go I”.
It was years ago, and the first time I heard it, I didn’t get it.
But the words and the thought now play over and over in my head...
So much so, that often these days my eyes well up with tears as I mumble those words under my breath... when I see someone who is disabled or appears to be in pain...
Before, I used to get stuck on the word and possibly the concept of God.
“Not sure I believe in Him”, I thought. So it would be hypocritical of me to think it.
I am not sure what changed.
As I get older, I focus less on what I don’t believe and more on what I do.
Perhaps it is that I now accept God in my life... not as an old man who sits in the clouds and determines my destiny... but as the benevolent force of the universe... as the light that takes away the darkness...
You know the one I am talking about. The one that everyone seems to have a name and a story for...
I don’t know which story to be true... maybe it’s all of them... They are so very similar.
This morning I saw a video on Facebook about a man with no legs doing a Tough Mudder race.
The thought crossed my mind.
I received an email about an employee who had recently lost a child...
The thought crossed my mind.
I watched a elderly man walking through the airport, with some handicap in his gate...
“There by the ...”
My eyes welled up again...
I am also reminded of the thoughts of a few disabled friends who make the point... We are the lucky ones, because you can see our disability. So many people carry around disabilities, sadness, pain ... that we cannot see.
Maybe my mindfulness for these thoughts are less about my relationship with God and more about my awareness of GRACE...
I feel so very grateful for this amazing life I get to live...
this bountiful experience that I get to enjoy...
I think about my sisters.
I think about my parents.
“There by the Grace...”
I think of my boys and wonder if they will someday feel as grateful...
I hope so.
And, I know that gratitude cannot be taught or imposed... We need to develop our own relationship with the concept.
It’s not about a perfect life, or perfection in any way.
I fail often at remembering to be grateful, but perhaps less often than I used to.
I feel guilty often... and gratitude is perhaps the only emotion that seems to dissolve guilt.
I do what I love in life...
My dreams every day make up a greater part of my reality...
I get it now...
what my friend once said...
I don’t just hear the words anymore... I feel them in my being.
I get it thoroughly...
In more and more moments...
“There by the Grace of God, go I...”
Here
by the Grace...
in the “IS”...
In harmony,
Nestor
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