As I drove into work this morning at 3 a.m. and my alarm was going off in the car, I smiled.
I felt a huge weight of "wishing" on me.
I wish I had more time. I wish I hadn't gone to bed so early last night. I wish I had prepared better. I wish I didn't have to go to Peru. I wish I didn't miss these two days that my boys are off from school so completely because of work. I wish I hadn't taken my soccer team out for pizza instead of working...
I wish, I wish, I wish.
I know better than that.
I smiled.
Truth is, I am a little scared today. I have the executive teams from both EMG and QPM coming in to talk about our strategy, and I am a little scared.
There is so much at stake. More than anything, I think its my credibility and leadership that I am scared about. Will I have what it takes to inspire, to clarify, to facilitate and to set our direction going forward?
There is so much work to do, so many competing priorities.
And, I am going to start with a commencement speech from a writer on you tube and a talk about harmony. REALLY? Have I lost my mind?
Maybe a little.
So, I take a deep breath this morning, and I forget the fact that my partner and CEO will be late, or that I forgot to bring in the books that I bought for everybody...
I choose not to dwell on the fact that I only have 4 hours left before the meeting starts, nor the fact that I am spending a small chunk of it writing to you ;-)
There is a line in the video from Neil Gaiman that I am going to show this morning that says,
"The moment that you feel that just possibly you are walking down the street naked, exposing too much of your heart and your mind and what exists on the inside, showing too much of yourself. That's the moment you may be starting to get it right."
Today, I feel like I am standing up naked in front of my team, my colleagues.
I can't help but feel a little impostor's syndrome.
And, I take a deep breath.
I know what I know. And, this is my art.
Time will tell if this is the moment that perhaps I start to get it right. No more wishing for more time.
My foot is off the brake. My heart is exposed and missing my boys and family as silly as that is since I just saw them last night. My mind has been traveling for days.
This is the life, the challenge and the role I always wanted to play.
I want to make this company successful. More successful than its ever been.
It's SHOWTIME! I am focussed on this moment, and no other. I just wish I was wearing some clothes ;-)
Wish me luck!
Yours in harmony,
Nestor