WARNING: Disharmony Heavy Post (And, not the post I wrote yesterday… struggling to recreate that).
Today is one of those days where I am reminded of that quote, “Those who can’t do, teach!”
That is a horrible quote, and seriously discounts teachers, but it just speaks to my feelings right now about “harmony”.
This is why I stress to everyone that I am no teacher, I am a student in the concept of harmony, and I am attempting my best to practice it everyday. And, right now I am failing.
Rationally, I realize that “it only takes a moment” to swing it back and find my groove. I am just struggling to find that moment.
A few weeks ago we were with friends at a local brewer who had left his job that he hated and started a successful brewery. He said that people weren’t allowed to say, “these are the good kind of problems to have.” He was tired of hearing that line. Things were good – they were growing fast – and it created problems. And, he didn’t want to be reminded that they were “good” ones.
Maybe that is a little how I feel. Problems are problems. Disharmony is disharmony. There is no “good” kind of disharmony, and there are no “good” kind of problems. As long as we look at them as problems – we are in disharmony.
Tis’ the season!
I love Christmas. I just have no time for it. And, that makes me angry.
My alarm is going off at 4:20 am as it always does, and I am not getting out of bed.
Not because I am too tired, its just because I have no energy – that is different.
I don’t want to face the day.
That ain’t where I want to be (from a mindset standpoint).
It’s like I am so completely drained at the end of the day that I don’t have anything in the tank the next morning.
It’s the “good” kind of problems… YEAH RIGHT!
I was driving in this morning, and truly the thing I look forward to most today was writing this blog, and hoping I could get it written fast enough to post by 8 am. (It’s going to be close).
Writing stuff out loud – HELPS! I really encourage you to try it.
If you are struggling this X-mas season, write it out loud and share it with people who care about you. It’s therapeutic.
I hate being a downer. I go into the routine, “GOODNESS, WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT! REALLY!”
I feel so guilty when I feel “down” or “out of energy” or whatever it is you call these moments. – I wish I didn’t – DISHARMONY…
Maybe part of turning it around is accepting that we can all get into these moments. And, that we all have a right to our own level of disharmony. We aren’t stealing it from anyone else.
Disharmony is not a zero – sum game ;-) There is plenty for everyone!
As is HARMONY – that is the good news.
I think I am struggling with the trade-offs. I am wishing trade-off’s weren’t necessary – instead of accepting that they are.
I am spending so much of myself at work – and still not enough. I know my colleagues share that sentiment in their own responsibilities. You are not alone.
I feel guilty that I am not more present at home. Whether its just to BE there more, or better yet, to engage them more. I can help at home… but I need to be there more to be more helpful.
The balance doesn’t feel right. I wish I was investing more of myself at home – and that I had more energy for the things that I am needed for at home.
My parents need me daily, and for the past few I have failed them. I need to do some important things for them. I plan to do them at night. But, when I get home, I am literally incapable of getting them done.
At work, it’s not the pressure of end of year… it’s the trade off’s between building a great company, and building a short term profitable company that are difficult. There is a balance and it requires trade-offs.
It really is not only about what we can do – but what we shouldn’t do that needs to be decided.
We need to balance out some of the yeses with some nos, and we suck at that. I suck at that. And, I need to be better, because I am supposed to lead.
We are planning a move for next year – which can and should be a fantastic time for us as a company, but no location is perfect, and there is more stress in the organization than excitement, and I need to steer us appropriately through that.
We are doing very well, but to become the company we want to be in 3 years it requires us to grow in various way, which requires time and money, and we need to reach certain levels of profitability as we grow for it all to make sense.
There are trade-offs in life – and for some reason, right now, I wish there wasn’t.
I have said before, I see myself in so many aspects of life as a “shock absorber”. I try to be the shock absorber between the trade offs. I try to be the “translator” across people’s interpretations of the truth, so that we can find the best possible path.
And, my tank is low. At night, my tank is empty. I literally have no reserves, so that I don’t take things personally at home, that I shouldn’t. So, that I can make the small effort to reset with my wife.
I need someone to unplug me and allow me a soft reset.
Too many programs are running at once.
Too many things are saved on my bold top ;-)
Too many windows are open.
Too many commands have been made at once.
Too many formulas are being processed at the same time.
BLUE SCREEN…
How cool would it be if as human beings, we could truly be unplugged, and allowed ourselves the opportunity to reset.
I guess that is what meditation, yoga, long baths and affection do for us…
I am ok.
I am strong.
I am rational.
And, I know, with certainty that this moment will pass.
At the end of the day, these are the “good” kind of problems.
Yeah – bullshit ;-)
I will keep you posted on my progress.
My approach during these days gets simpler.
ONE DAY AT A TIME.
I can’t think beyond today. I need to focus on today and try to get through it.
People look to me for direction, and energy, and I will give it.
It’s ugly sweater day at the office, and I have a great X-mas ugly vest that is perfect.
And, I forgot to wear it this morning ;-(
Too many programs at once.
Battery running low.
NEVER GIVING UP… NEVER GIVING IN…
Harmony is only a moment away… and this moment, writing to you, was a moment I have enjoyed.
Thank you for that…
We are in the class of life and harmony together. I am so very much your fellow student... and struggling with the workload.
Maybe we can schedule some group study time ;-)
7:30 am... It’s showtime!
Yours, today, back in pursuit…
Nestor