Many people that know me, won’t believe that I am writing this.
This is really ME.
I am the same guy that constantly pushes for candor, leaning into the discomfort, dealing with difficult issues, saying what you think and what you mean…
So, how could I be now saying there is power in NOT saying things?
I think virtually everything SHOULD be said.
The question is, WHEN SHOULD YOU SAY IT?
One of the biggest issues with trying to achieve harmony on difficult issues, in finding or creating a moment, where things can be said.
Also, its important to allow some thoughts and ideas to have the time to be embraced, considered or adopted before throwing down the next set of ideas that you want to do.
Thoughts can be conceived and shared at a much faster rate than we can modify behavior.
Life, and our absolute truth in every moment is full of OTHER stuff.
For example, one of my employees is doing an amazing job in hundreds of things. They are absolutely kicking ass! They are finding efficiencies, creating productivity, leading the charge, raising the bar. All the things that I very much want and expect.
And, there is always something that I “wish” could be different or better.
Is it fair to say whatever comes to my mind whenever it comes to my mind? Sure, its fair. But success is not created by fairness, its created by harmony.
Many times, many moments, when meeting with people who work for me, the moment really calls for simply saying thank you and acknowledging progress.
When the person you are talking to is already pushing hard and making great progress in the right direction, they may be disheartened or demotivated from pushing them any harder.
When the person is distracted by too many other things in their moment, in their absolute truth, NOT saying things may be the most powerful thing you can do.
When people are emotionally spent… when they are overwhelmed, what we truly want for them is likely not to overwhelm them more. Not saying things may be the most powerful thing we can do.
When people have already heard an important idea and are considering it and embracing it, they may even be able to hear another one, but NOT saying more and letting them fully consider and embrace the idea that has already been shared…
I am a believer in living as close and transparently to the absolute truth as possible, that is the nucleus from which we grow.
But, harmony can only be achieved in the moment, and we need to be considerate, caring, and at times, measured in order to achieve it.
We need to RESPECT the moment, and the absolute truth in the moment, often tells us that the moment is FULL...
So YES, live in a way that allows you to speak your mind and SAY what you feel.
But, be mindful of the moments, and be careful WHEN you say things. Make sure you are saying them when the probability of them being received constructively is higher, when the willingness to consider is higher… when harmony is possible.
Remember, the goal is harmony. If you succeed in a moment, and give people the space and silence they need, then when you do finally say that which is so important or meaningful, it will have a better chance of being fully heard.
Say anything, but remember that sometimes, more often than you think, the most powerful think you can do is NOT to say the next thing you are thinking, even if you think its true.
At times, the way to achieve harmony, to move things forward, the most powerful thing you can do is NOT to say that next idea that you are so convinced makes sense.
Instead, remember it, write it down, and share it in a better, more appropriate future moment.
Yours in the pursuit, and in the occasional silence of harmony,
Nestor Benavides