Ain’t pretty all the time…
There are days when you get up with the best of intentions, and the best you can do is get through it…
The concept of harmony is not meant to solve every problem or to make every moment perfect.
The philosophy of harmony is to give you
a constant template to RESET
a map to know WHERE YOU ARE
a formula to WORK THROUGH every situation
a GOAL to shoot for constantly
a SOLUTION to every problem
But we are human beings… and we ebb and flow… and we go on and on…
Right now… I am overwhelmed.
Not out of control… but overwhelmed.
My mind is constantly trying to balance all of the things in it. It tries to find the formula that allows everything to work together and find the groove. Sometimes, it’s just like I put in too many variables and I just short circuit.
The only way out, is one thought at a time.
So, let me share with you my process:
Situation 1: I need to go to Peru this week, and I so don’t want to….
Situation 1 - Disharmonizing view:
I wish I didn’t have to go.
I need to force my parents into conversations they don’t want to have.
I need to make decisions for them, they don’t want to make.
I hate being away from the boys and Susy for 6 days.
I will miss Valentine’s ;-(
There is no “win” solution for my parents.
I have so much to do at work.
Situation 1 – HARMONIZING view
I promised my parents that I would help them when they needed it, and this is my moment to be the person I want to be.
There is NOONE better suited to have these conversations with my parents, than me.
They are hard decisions, and they need my help in making them, and I can help.
The boys are older and more independent than ever. They will be fine without me, as will Susy.
AND, I can skype them everyday, and stay in very close touch.
I can do a Valentine’s celebration when I get back, leave presents for the fam before I go, and give my parents a little attention at Valentine’s that they will treasure.
I can get a ton of work done on the plane and in Peru.
And, I get to work out along the ocean, and get to see my family that I do miss and have been out of touch with recently…
I will be home before I know it…
Situation 2: I have two situations at work that are not going well. I wish I could just get on with them. One involves an acquisition that we did a year back, and the other involves a delicate situation with a very large vendor / partner.
Situation 2: Disharmonizing View
I wish this would all go away.
I wish I hadn’t got us into this situation. I wish I would have known better sooner.
I wish I would have pushed us to act sooner.
I am tired of handling these two situations. They are not strategic – they are tactical and consuming.
They rattle me at my core, because they make me feel like I am failing in my role.
Situation 2: Harmonizing View
I have always wanted to run a company, and now I have that opportunity everyday!
Business is not always easy, and difficult situations are not only a part of business, but the part that teaches us the most.
I am in a great position to lead these two situations. I have the best relationships and perspective, and I have the greatest probability to get us through successfully.
And, if I fail, I fail… that is a possibility. And, as a company, they are both situations that we could afford to fail.
Both of these have strategic benefits when I see them through successfully.
The fact that they rattle me says that I am allowing them access to my mindset in a way that is inmature and weak, and I know that I can be stronger than that and stay rational.
I simply need to give them my best effort and accept it as a part of being in the role I have always coveted.
Situation 3: I have not been eating well, and have gained nearly 10 pounds in the past 6 months… It pisses me off!
Situation 3: Disharmonizing View
I didn’t know if I’d be able to keep the weight off, and maybe I can’t.
I wish I wouldn’t have let myself drift.
I ate poorly this past week at the trade show… DAMN it!
I didn’t exercise so much this week… that is part of the problem.
I am lacking energy to stay focused.
I can’t slip further… I don’t want to feel heavy again. I don’t want my boys to see my fail. I don’t want to have to loose it all over again.
Situation 3: Harmonizing View
Yes, its true, I have gained a few pounds. A few of it is probably muscle as I have been lifting a lot more.
Still, my goal is to live leaner – at around 220 lbs not 230.
I need to focus on the next meal.
I am going to make today a perfect food day!
I know just what to do… I have done it before.
I know that eating healthy can be tasty… I just have to set my boundaries.
I am going to Peru, and I always get a great workout and diet there (lots of great ceviche – fish salad).
I can make some great progress this week and get myself close to my goal in the next two weeks.
I’ve got this!
Situation 4: My little guy has a basketball game and its an hour away… I just don’t have time to go, and get everything I need to get done today!
Situation 4: Disharmonizing View
I am stressed. I have so much to do.
I don’t have time to go to the game.
I feel bad not going, and I am stressed to go.
Situation 4: Harmonizing View
This is a great opportunity to spend some quality time with my little guy as we go to the game. I am not going to see him all week, so this is a great time to spend some quality time.
I can stay up late tonight. Tomorrow, I will be on a plane all day, and can rest.
Most of what is causing me stress, really doesn’t have to happen today, and isn’t really going to get resolved today, even if I spent the whole rest of the day doing it.
I look forward to spending time with my little guy, and watching him play, and letting him know that I want to spend time with him.
Situation 5: I am almost 50 years old. I am not making fast enough progress. Am I really doing all that I can to optimize my life and make the biggest impact possible? I am spending so much time on the tactical day to day stuff… that I am not giving enough time to the big stuff that I can and should be doing.
Situation 5: Disharmonizing View
I have wasted so much time, so many years.
I should be so much farther ahead.
I am so bad at focusing on the big goals.
The company that I am running is in such a competitive space, and I have been unable to truly change the trajectory of sales in a deliberate way.
I am getting old. Look at all these younger guys doing so well. Look at the owner of Tesla, or the guy that made Facebook, or so many friends that have done so well…
I wish I would have made bigger decisions earlier.
I wish I was better at managing my time.
I wish I was more comfortable with risk.
Have I wasted too much time?
Situation 5: Harmonizing View
Everyday I am clearer and clearer on who I am, and I am more and more confident about my own ability to grow business.
I am doing very much what I always wanted to do. I am running a company.
It’s a company with a wonderful reputation and tremendous potential.
I am in the role I wanted – and its my responsibility to lead the change of trajectory.
Why should I expect it to be fast or easy?
We are doing more and more of the right stuff, and we are having more intelligent strategic discussions than ever.
We are looking at some truly exciting acquisitions that create tremendous upside.
Everyone has their own journey.
How many people that I know are actually happier than I am? Not many.
How many people that I know have a relationship with their kids that I envy… none really. I love my relationship with my kids. I love my life. I am grateful for it.
I am better today than I have ever been.
I am smarter today than I have ever been.
I have nothing but opportunity ahead of me.
Nothing is stopping me.
In fact, the wind is so very much at my back…
And, I can keep learning and I can keep optimizing my approach.
As I write this… I think to myself, Does everyone see both sides? I don’t think most people are as Dr. Jeckyl and Mr. Hyde as I am.
The majority of people that I know, tend to be one or the other.
People tend to have one conversation or the other.
They are either happy by default… they see the harmonizing view. Those people actually vary by topic. They may be harmonized with their kids, or their health, and disharmonized with their spouse or their work. They may be harmonized with the community but disharmonized with national politics.
Maybe this is what drives me a bit crazy, and helps me see the difference in various situations.
I keep thinking about the movie, “The Sixth Sense”. “I see dead people.”
I see both sides…
And, I feel both of the reactions in my own mind and body. I feel the physiological difference of one perspective versus the other, just by switching my mindset from one side to the other.
My goal is to get to a place, where I can just see the harmony side without the disharmony. I don’t know that I am wired for that. I do deliberately choose the harmonic perspective as much as possible. It is when too many situations start coming at me at once where sometimes I fail.
It’s like when you start juggling too many balls… you cant keep them all in the air. You cant keep your focus. You cant keep your mindset… You run out of energy.
That is why mediation is probably so effective.
I still hope to meditate at some point.
I heard a quote, “Everyone should meditate 20 minutes per day, except those people who don’t have time. They should meditate for an hour.” The more you are juggling and the more you are unable to refocus and reset, the more you need to clear your mind.
Mediation by design, is supposed to remove the noise. It’s supposed to silence the mind, so that you can hear the harmonic side. The noise gets so loud, that it becomes almost impossible to hear your own conversation with yourself, specially if you are having more than several conversations at a time.
Bring your life back to the moment.
Take a deep breath, and embrace the real absolute truth…
Feel the gratitude.
Then see the opportunity and possibility that exists in the direction of your want, and just delete the wishing and the regrets.
Here is the net, net…
YOU OWN YOUR OWN REALITY.
THERE IS NO RIGHT ANSWER.
TRUTH IS YOU CAN CHOOSE TO REGRET AND STRESS. You have every right to, and it will be absolutely real.
OR, you can CHOOSE to be grateful and stretch and reach for your goals. You have every right to, and it will be absolutely real.
In every moment, there is an equal opportunity for harmony or disharmony. One or the other will happen, and which one actually does depends on how you choose to internalize your truth.
I believe most people travel along their journey with harmony and disharmony happening somewhat at random. Harmony or disharmony happens based on the subconscious perspective and behaviors that they have adopted as their own.
These people are the ones that laugh at self help books. The ones that don’t think you can benefit from a coach.
These people are the ones that think they already do all of this right.
These people are the ones that believe that if you focus on the answers, and not on the questions. If you focus on the actions only and not on the mindset, you will get everything you need.
Most people suffer from disharmony in key aspects of their life. They feel real and significant stress with their children, their spouses, their work, their health, their life…
I am like most people… and I am like very few people.
I suffer from occasional disharmony like most people. I am crazy committed to learn everyday, and I am unusually committed to objectivity without emotion, like very few.
My point…
My passion…
My philosophy…
My plea…
Live DELIBERATELY in the awareness and pursuit of harmony…
Because it is the most meaningful and effective way to achieving exactly the life you dream of living…
I hope this helps understand the complexity and the simplicity of this idea.
Yours in pursuit everyday… It ain't always pretty...
Nestor Benavides