Once again, I was at a concert for one of my boys. This was a special one as it was the “gifted and talented” county band that was showing off their stuff after months of practice.
It is amazing to me, the level of beautiful music that 10 and 11 year olds can create with a little time and some inspired leadership.
But, my observations this time wasn’t about the disharmony of not wanting to be there… it was a special moment and I was enjoying it…
The band leader was a woman. It sparked my attention. Without much considering it, I was thinking, “how much pride does she have in this?”, “I wonder what motivates her to do this?”, “Does she love what she does?”, “What is the equivalent of a tuxedo for a female?”, “Maybe this is one occasion where men have it easier?”, “I wonder if she is better than the other men?”…
My mind was wondering as it tends to do on “breaks”…
The music was winding down and she came up to the microphone before the final piece. Time for the overly done “thank yous”, where clap and clap for people we don’t know, and then are asked to clap one more time just ‘cause. She had a sheet of paper with her. I looked at my older boys and smiled. We were all thinking the same thing… “let’s just get through this part…”
After she did the regular thank yous and clapping rounds, she took her glasses of…
“I don’t usually say personal things at these events…” she had my attention.
“But today, I am going to.” Hmmm… now she really has my attention.
“My husband died unexpectedly at the beginning of this school year. I didn’t know if I was going to do this again. I didn’t know if I was going to be able to stand in front of these kids, but I am grateful that I did.” …
I am all ears…
“My husband was not a trained musician, but he worked on one piece for many years trying to perfect it. He loved it and was always trying to do it better. The piece was “Danny Boy by Frederick Weatherly” and I want to dedicate this piece to him…”
She walked slowly up to the conductors step. All of a sudden we were connected. I knew something meaningful about her, and I had empathy.
My mind went places it hadn’t before… “I wonder how she is doing?”, “I wonder how often she thinks of him now?”, “Does she still cry at the thought of him, or has the grief evolved?”, “I wonder how much she showed her sadness?”, “She looks like she is not quite 60… that is a young age to lose a spouse.?”… “late 40s turn to 50s pretty quick… and then to 60s… wow, life is short!”…
And, so my mind went as she lifted her arms and started the band.
The piece was beautiful. As the kids played my eyes teared up. I don’t know quite why. That piece has so much feeling… so much meaning. “I wonder how she is feeling right now?”. I wondered if she was feeling the music and lost in the thought of him or if she was mechanically pushing herself through the music. I was transported momentarily to a different place, one of greater presence in the moment. The music was louder and clearer. I could feel it deeper. I was empathetic to the music and to her. My mind drifted to how he must have felt trying to play it and wondering if there was any way he could hear it now?...
The piece ended beautifully.
She touched her heart and bowed to the kids.
I wanted to hug her… (NOT appropriate, and it would have been akward to go all the way up on stage ;-)…
I was grateful she shared that with us…
And, it made me think…
WHY ARE WE SO DARN STUBBORN ABOUT NOT WANTING TO MAKE THINGS PERSONAL?
ABOUT NOT WANTING TO SHARE PERSONAL THINGS IN THE WORKPLACE?
Everything we do is PERSONAL!!!
It is our mind that motivates us, that inspires us, that engages us!
WHY WOULD WE CHOOSE TO LEAVE OUT SO MUCH OF WHAT MATTERS TO US IN THE PLACE OF “WHAT” WE DO?
It baffles me why we ever taught ourselves that separating the personal makes sense…
Now, I get that we cannot be emotional wrecks at work.
I get that the work must go on, and that we must be able to manage our emotions at some point to be “professional”.
But, why can’t we share what matters to us? What we are feeling? With those we work with on some level? With those that we are “performing” for?
During my run yesterday morning, I was asked, “how personal do you get with the people you work with?”…
AS PERSONAL AS THEY WILL ALLOW ME TO GET!!!
I care about them. I wake up in the morning trying to do right by them. I want to make the lives of everyone I know better in some way. How can I possibly do that if I have no idea who they are?
If someone is struggling with a spouse who is ill, or an illness themselves, or with issues with their kids, or with their parents… it’s all part of the equation. It’s all part of what is in their heads. Knowing it, allows me to possibly offer up alternatives that will allow them to better balance work and personal for them.
At a minimum, I believe, that me knowing it, allows them to share it if they need to in more detail… it allows me to ask about it and care about them.
It connects us.
It connects our lives and our purpose.
Our purpose at work and at home ARE connected.
That is the ABSOLUTE truth! Pretending that it doesn’t LIMITS us…
I was grateful to this conductor, whose name I don’t know… for breaking her normal routine and making it personal…
It made it more meaningful…
more interesting…
more engaging…
more beautiful…
more human…
Have the courage and the wisdom to make every moment of your life personal.
Don’t follow the scripts or the examples of those who came before you or run along side of you…
You are on a unique and magical journey… full of happiness and suffering.
Share it! Because sharing it, not at length with everyone (not everyone wants all the details)…
BUT TELL THE WORLD WHY YOU DO WHAT YOU DO!
TELL THE WORLD WHAT YOU CARE ABOUT!
Simply, because YOU DO!
And, it will allow you to engage more fully and more comfortably…
And, it will allow others to join you in your journey, AND to learn from you, AND to understand YOU…
And, it will encourage them to do the same…
Show them that while you understand there is a different way that we must interact at work – it should not be FREE from our story. It should not be FREE from our cares and concerns… Because ultimately its in your head anyway….
LIFE is PERSONAL… EMBRACE IT… CELEBRATE IT… SHARE IT!!!
Yours in harmony,
Nestor