I write about harmony.
I think about harmony.
Not because I have mastered harmony,
But because I aspire to it!
There are days, like these past few, where I realize how elusive it can be.
I know its right there… its right here. It’s a moment away, and I cant grab it.
Let me see if I can share with you where my head is...
I have the luxury of being away on a wonderful vacation.
And, I am trying to satisfy too many masters and feeling inadequate (disharmony).
Work is very demanding as we have a big proposal right now, on top of the normal work load.
I feel guilty not being there.
NOTE: Guilt is the MASCOT of the Disharmony team!
I am in this beautiful place and I am on vacation, and because I am trying to work, I am neglecting my boys. There is that guilt thing again.
My parents need me, it’s the main reason we came to visit. They have some problems that I can’t fix. But, others that I can help with.
My mother didn’t recognize my children two nights ago. Yesterday morning she woke up fine. But, then again last night she started to forget. I knew this day was coming. And, I accept it. But, it breaks my heart for her.
My children have been such a huge source of her pleasure and her hope and her energy. And, just like that, her mind will cut them loose. Alzheimer’s is a painful way to leave. I am fairly certain, I prefer a terminal disease where I can say goodbye to those I love and provide a closure that we can all really understand. To be forgotten is much harder than to be left behind.
Sadness is not disharmony.
I think a lot of people misunderstand that.
Sadness can be harmonic or disharmonic, it’s a function of whether we accept the grief and the situation and can build on it, or if it disables us with wishing life was different.
DISHARMONY comes in moments when I feel my best isn’t good enough.
When I feel disharmony, I question my desire for harmony.
I start to feel like I am overthinking it.
Some people seem to live lives of harmony without trying so hard.
Why is it so hard for me?
Harmony is about accepting that my best is my best. I can make it better going forward, but for now, my best is all I've got!
DISHARMONY comes in moments when I compare to others with the assumption that we are all the same.
The absolute truth is simply that we are different. And, sometimes, I struggle to accept that.
We have different risk tolerances, different skills, different backgrounds. We have learned different lessons at different times. We have been exposed to different things. As a result, we are exposed to different opportunities in different ways.
Comparing myself to others and expecting the same results is wishing.
In some moments, I can’t help myself.
The moments of harmony, is when I compare myself to others accepting our differences. That leads me into a thought process of, what can I learn from how they show up in the world, and how can I add that to my strengths. How do they make decisions, and how can I adopt that into how I make decisions.
And, what are the things that I bring, that they don’t that I can leverage more effectively.
Harmony and disharmony doesn’t come from comparison, it comes from the intent of the comparison. It comes the line between wanting and wishing. Can I accept who I am right now?
Harmony starts there. Harmony starts here.
Every moment we don’t simply accept who we are, are lost moments.
We have to start there. There is NO OTHER STARTING POINT.
And, wishing I was someone else, wishing I made different decisions, wishing I achieved more in the past, while it might be human nature is a completely ineffective and unproductive thought.
And, it keeps be gracious and grateful for all the decisions and successes that I have been fortunate enough to achieve.
I AM WHAT I AM! Popeye had it right!
It starts there. It starts here.
It’s not that had I lived differently, I would have achieved different results. I am sure that is true. But, that is IRRELEVANT and INACTIONABLE and only lead to lost energy.
HARMONY is powerful not because it makes us feel better about the past…
IT IS POWERFUL because it’s the ONLY WAY to achieve more in the future…
More peace, more success, more happiness, more peace of mind.
Reality is the limiting factor ;-)
The past is the “least common denominator” or just the “denominator”.
The future is the numerator…
If we learn from the denominator – we can approach infinity in the future by expanding the numerator exponentially.
If we are consumed by the denominator… if we are limited by the past… the best we could ever achieve is the same… and in most cases as human beings the past isn’t all we can be.
More often, disharmony begets disharmony and we eat away at ourselves so that overtime, if we are not making the numerator bigger, it is getting smaller…
And, so many people end their lives as a small and angry version of who they once were.
I want to end my life bigger than I have ever been. Wiser, happier and giving those I love hope, fullness, and strength. I want to learn how to better support them, how to better encourage them, how to better love them, so that at my death bed, if I am fortunate enough to have that moment, I want them to feel a handoff of harmony… that they are more than ready to take on themselves.
I live conscious of that moment.
I feel the weight of the story that I think for some reason I was supposed to build.
I question that if I don’t have a certain level of success, will harmony itself be questioned?
Perhaps… so what?
THIS IS SOMETHING THAT I SEE SO CLEARLY… And, yet have not mastered.
We draw pictures of our lives.
We draw pictures of our lives that define our success and our happiness.
And, when we draw those pictures… we define failure artificially.
We draw pictures…
My death bed is a picture.
My desire for entrepreneurship with a company that makes widgets is a picture.
My own expectations of who I am for my family is a picture.
There is such a fine line between creating and defining your values, and creating and defining your life.
When I define my values – I feel powerful.
When I define my life – I draw pictures that will never exactly come true.
LOOK AT MY PICTURE for goodness sake!
I am President of two companies.
I have employees, many, that truly respect and value the companies and me specifically. That means the world to me.
I am asked to talk about the thing that I value most.
YOU are here reading about it, and engaged in it.
I am sitting on a gorgeous patio overlooking the ocean.
I am on my computer working because I can, and I am fortunate enough to be busy.
My relationship with my family is strong… its crazy strong.
My relationship with my friends is deep.. its crazy deep.
I am strong and, while I can stand to lose a few pounds, I am healthy and capable.
My family is all coming out tonight… to celebrate.
My cousin will have the house next to mine.
We will cook and we will drink and we will laugh.
I will continue to contribute to my business from here.
Despite my mother’s illness… she will be as happy as she can possibly be right now…
“Your youngest” she said to me last night…
“Have I met him before?”…
My eyes fill with tears…
“Yes, mama, you have.”
“He really is a cutie!”
Even if he is meeting him again for the first time in some moments, just because she may or may not remember the past, we can still focus on making the most positive and happy future within the constraints of her illness…
As I write these words…
I get bolder.
I fill with energy and clarity.
I feel the gratitude of my life.
I feel the harmony and the possibility of more…
Harmony doesn’t change the past…
NOTHING does…
Harmony is the power to change the future… the next MOMENT.
This is why I write about harmony... because happiness its RIGHT THERE... right in front of us ALL THE TIME... its a matter of reaching for it in the moment, in the right way... and it shows up. It fills you immediately.
Harmony exists IN THE MOMENT... its the only place.. and if you are not focussed on it... it goes right away.
I thank you, for caring enough to read and to consider these thoughts.
It gives me a greater reason to write and think…
I am not the teacher in this classroom.
I am the most eager student… I am your classmate…
One moment at a time.
FOCUS on the numerator!
To infinity and beyond!
Yours in harmony,
Nestor