FORCE is a tricky thing…
There are very few times when using FORCE ON someone is beneficial.
In fact, a life of HARMONY would suggest that in as many moments as possible we should use our “force” to enable the “force” in others.
I don’t mean to get all Jedi on you or anything… but think about it… “May the FORCE be WITH you…”
So, I have thought and thought about last Friday and my losing control, and I have even made light of it. I have felt embarrassed, curious, guilty, relieved about it. But, through my conversations, we laugh about it.
To be honest, there is a little part of me that likes being STRONG in a way that is visible. There is a little part of me that likes having POWER.
I almost hate to say it out loud, but it is an empowering feeling to think that you can FORCE certain decisions. That you can have the final say in the direction and the approach.
A few times this week, I have shut down conversations in an abrupt way. I have had less patience with issues and with some leaders that tend to diverge when I believe strongly that we need to be converging.
When you are in a little bit of a funk, when you are tired or in some stage of disharmony, you have less “strength” and less “desire” to manage and consider your approach.
In the moment, it makes you feel powerful – to know that you can do that.
My position does come with authority. I am the President. I am the man. I have power and I can use my FORCE, and this week I have occasionally misused it. And, that is disharmonic and that is UNACCEPTABLE.
Sure… I get that we are all human, blah, blah, blah…
But, very specifically, because we are all human, every time a leader, every time that I set the example, specially with other leaders, that using force ON people is ok… I make it ok for others to use their force. I make it ok to in the moment disrespect each other – and I take bricks from our foundation.
“With everything that you say and do, you either give life or you take life away.”
Harmony begets harmony and disharmony begets disharmony.
As a leader, I hold myself to the highest version of myself that I know that I can be. And, I can do much better than I did this week.
Fortunately, the one leader that I am specifically talking about, called me out on it.
“You barked at me in front of other people”, he said.
And, he was right.
Despite our differences, I love that he doesn’t have a tolerance for disharmony (when he feels it) and I love that we have the kind of relationship and the kind of environment where he feels comfortable calling me out on it.
By initiating the conversation, he gave me the opportunity to apologize. And, I did.
I told him that I knew better, that he deserved better and that I would do better.
We had a good discussion, shook hands, and walked away with what I felt was strengthened respect, resolve and a renewed sense of shared purpose.
Sincere humility is a powerful force. And, despite my errors, we have made clear that disrespect will not be tolerated, even from me.
I LOVE THAT… I love setting values in our company that become more powerful than any one person… and my conviction to my values and to my vision is much bigger than my ego.
To take pride in using force is if not cowardly, then it is lazy.
The only use of FORCE that should be allowed should be in a “fight or flight” type situation. If someone is threatening your safety, your physical or mental self, then you must defend yourself. But, shy of that, in the workplace, rational debate, continued conversation, respectful exchanges are the must.
I take pride in using my FORCE for good. Most of the time, I use, or at least try to use, my FORCE to make others feel powerful, appreciated, enlightened, intelligent, energized. This week on a few occasions, I used my force to make others feel irrelevant, unappreciated, disempowered. NOT GOOD.
Using my energy to leverage my force ON people is disharmony...
Using my energy to engage the force IN people is harmony....
I know better.
Everyone deserves better.
And, I can do better.
I wonder how many leaders assess the impact of their behavior accurately?
I wonder how many parents assess the impact of their behavior accurately?
I wonder how many spouses assess the impact of their behavior accurately?
We all probably believe that we do, but our egos mask some of the reality.
We, human beings, “are powerful beyond measure”, as written in of my favorite poems by Marianne Williamson (copied for you below). We have a tremendous FORCE within us…
And, we can choose it to create harmony or disharmony. And, I profess that we should choose harmony deliberately.
When we think, “I wish you’d shut up”, “I wish you’d change your mind”, “I wish you weren’t part of this conversation” – We create disharmony.
When we think, “I need to work with you to get on the same page”, “I know your smart, and I care about your opinion, even when we disagree”, “I know that a healthy relationship is an on-going conversation”… then we create harmony.
We are all human… so we get to make mistakes.
But, because we are all human, the mistakes that we make hurt others.
I am capable of understanding and accepting both.
My “wish” is not to be perfect. I accept the truth that I am very imperfect, and I try to use my energy to move myself into wanting to be better, wiser and a more powerful FORCE within my company and my life to bring out the best in others.
There is little funny or insignificant about my behavior last Friday or this week. It is simply, NOT who I aspire to be, nor is it behavior that I respect nor tolerate, in myself or others.
I accept the truth that in the moments that I fail, I break down that which I most want to create.
And, i embrace that in the next moment, i can try again.
Use your force wisely…
May the FORCE be WITHIN you!
Yours in harmony,
Nestor
Our Greatest Fear —Marianne Williamson
it is our light not our darkness that most frightens us
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous,
talented and fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other
people won't feel insecure around you.
We were born to make manifest the glory of
God that is within us.
It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people
permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.
—Marianne Williamson