How much is “too much” on your plate?
Listen to the voices in your head… What are they saying?
I wake up most mornings before 5 a.m.
When getting up is fun, the pace is good. When getting up is not fun, the pace is bad.
It bothers me on some level that if I don’t exercise before 6 am it is hard for me to fit it into the day. Somewhere in my head, that feels like I am out of control. Or, worse, that my schedule is driving my life, instead of my life driving my schedule.
Better prioritization is the thing I need to do to find better harmony in my life.
Virtually every time that I go to the gas station, I literally question whether I have time to fill the entire tank or whether I should just fill half and take advantage of the 3 minute difference.
When I work out in the morning, I sprint back home, take a quick shower and then sprint to work. My days at work these days are full. It is a back to back, meeting to meeting, activity to activity… I seldom if ever go out to lunch anymore. At the end of the day I sprint home (for soccer practice or whatever the nighttime activity. I try to figure out how much or how little work I can get away with after practice, if my boys don’t need help with homework. Susy does the majority of the help with homework. I tend to focus on math. Susy and I will watch a program at the end of the night while I often read or work.
I am averaging almost 5 and a half hours of sleep per night, many nights less than 5.
And, the race doesn’t seem to let up.
When I have “additional” things to do, I have to try to wake up earlier.
When I find moments to relax on the weekend, I feel inside like I am holding back a damn of activities and responsibilities that is building pressure.
Today, I had an executive meeting, so I woke up before 4 am. I had to skip my workout to get some extra time to work in the morning.
I am grateful.
I am working on exciting things that will hopefully transform our company. My time coaching my son’s soccer team and helping with homework is fulfilling and enjoyable.
But, I am tired.
I think about whether or not I will regret the pace of my life. I want to slow it down. I want to find a pace that allows me to take a deep breath without feeling like I hear the “tick tock” of the stop watch, or that I am “neglecting” something that I should be doing.
I want to spend more time thinking about activities to do with my boys and with Susy, but I don’t spend enough time planning. Creative ideas take brainstorming.
I want to spend more time taking walks, going to the movies, reading, thinking, relaxing.
I have a hunger for understanding things thoroughly. Much more so than I ever realized. And, I want to achieve. There is a disharmony between the time its taking me to attempt to achieve want to achieve in life and the pace I want to live. And, as I look around, it weighs on me because it makes me question my own effectiveness and ability to prioritize effectively.
I do love what I do. I can’t get enough learning when it comes to optimizing how our company works and how organizations and people work. I love the possibility of making it work smoother. I love the possibility of making it work better.
But, I am tired – and I don’t want to be this tired.
I want to have more time to explore with the people I care about.
I don’t want to live with regrets. And, generally, I don’t.
To live a life of harmony, you have to find a pace that agrees with you. When you are moving at the right pace, you have more energy and you bring energy to the people around you.
I am working on it.
I have some great friends that seem to do such a better job establishing a good pace. Maybe its a case of the grass looking greener, when it may not be.
What am I willing to give up? Is giving anything up necessary?
If I want to find harmony – and my pace is too busy – I must be wiling to give up something…
But, I don’t know what…
I am still figuring it out.
I don’t want to waste time. I want to make the most of my life – but part of making the most of it – is living it at a pace that allows me to explore and enjoy.
It is interesting. Sometimes I wonder if it is the pace, or the control over the pace. When I am pushing on my terms, it feels powerful. When I am running at the same pace, but feeling like I am getting pushed, it feels overwhelming.
Life’s journey isn’t meant to be a sprint. And, too often lately, it feels like one.
Harmony maybe is like aerobic exercise and disharmony is like anaerobic.
When you are sprinting…. You are starving for oxygen… starving for harmony. Disharmony is not sustainable.
When you do intervals… you get stronger… and you get time to recover.
It is difficult – to feel like I am in an all out sprint – and still not running fast enough.
Everyday I have the same conversation with my mom and dad, Neither one wants to hang up. Both seem to want the conversation to go on and on. In the back of my mind I hear the clock, tick tock. I see my boys in the background looking at me… wondering when I will be free.
The calls with my parents are exhausting. Only because they don’t seem to go anywhere. They both enjoy hearing my voice, but they don’t hear so well anymore, and they don’t think that clearly any more. My head is in so many places when I am talking to them…
Conversations that go nowhere drain me… whether its with my parents or with anyone else.
My boys are starting to hit their stride. Watching them flourish and reach and dream fills me with energy.
My parents are winding down. Listening to them spiral and shrink and fade drains me.
I am somewhere in the middle. Still dreaming, still reaching… still pushing… and trying with all my mind and heart to stay on the inside of the circle… focused on the want, driven by what is possible…
I share this wondering if you feel it as well.
It’s not our pace… that creates our harmony or disharmony… but the feeling of whether we are closing in or possibly falling further back in the race.
If I take a breath... I know... THERE IS NO RACE... THAT IS WHERE I NEED AN ENTIRE MIND SHIFT...
WHO am I racing? The imaginary me that lives within my dreams?
When we feel the pressure of a gap - IS THE GAP REAL? More often than not it is perceived!
Harmony is a discipline and a mindset.
It is the perceived control that we have over our priorities. It is the perceived progress that we are making toward our dreams. It is the level to which we share our journey with those we care about…
The sense of sprinting and losing ground can be overwhelming. And, I must continue to push myself to understand that its not a race, its a journey.
We must remind ourselves that the “tick tock” that we hear is in our own heads…
We must find the time in life to take deep breaths…
We must find the time in life to explore and consider and enjoy...
We must accept that we cannot accomplish it all… Accomplishing it all is not part of the absolute truth.
We must accept that we are not perfect or all powerful... Being Superman is not part of the absolute truth.
Quite the opposite...
We must accept that we have a harmonic pace…
Where are we today relative to our desired pace?
How well are we doing at accepting that the race is in our own heads.... and its not a race at all?
What can we eliminate from our lives to make it all simpler?
There is a rhythm that we set to our own lives.... that we dream about...
We must learn over time how to dance to it… how to embrace it....
tick tock
STOP IT
Still working on my rhythm…
My music hasn’t stopped.
Neither has yours...
Find your groove!
Yours in harmony,
Nestor