Today, as with everyday this week, was a good day.
There is something about the "newness" of the year that gives me the feeling that I have time to do whatever it is that I think needs to be done.
It's so artificial, and yet so real.
I had ideas for about 20 posts today... and I am impatient. So, instead of 20 posts, I will give you a handful of thoughts that crossed my mind today, that directly or indirectly tie to harmony.
1. Regarding the question of "What Makes You Unique?"... I think the answer, at least in part, is that we are inherently unique. Our views, our values, our behaviors... everything about us makes us unique. What KEEPS us from being unique is our desire to be like others, to make others happy, and to succeed by "others'" expectations. The easiest way to be UNIQUE, and to know your uniqueness is to BE YOURSELF... to KNOW YOURSELF!
2. Taking Actions to BE BETTER is so much more powerful than wanting to be the BEST! SO often, we have conversations or thoughts in our own minds about how to be the best, or even how to be GREAT. But, often being the best or being great requires more effort or time than we are able to commit. So, we choose not to act... not to take action... and we dont make any progress. ALL WE NEED TO DO IS BE BETTER! Shoot for better, everyday and someday others will call you great. STOP TRYING TO BE GREAT.... JUST BE BETTER AGAIN AND AGAIN... TRUST ME!
3. BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU BELIEVE... I heard someone today say, "I have to spend time with my kids... they are 4 and 6... I know that won't always be the case!" WHY, WHY, WHY??? How can you know what WILL be the case? Why do we think our kids wont want to spend time with us? THEY MAY NOT... BUT THEY VERY WELL MIGHT... STOP talking about what may be in such certain terms. NOTHING IS CERTAIN! And, since NOTHING IS CERTAIN... BELIEVE that the reality that you WANT IS POSSIBLE... and I am sure that increases the possibility of it being so. I said before I ever had kids, that I wanted to be the kind of father who's sons were never too old to hug... And, I don't know how my son's will evolve... but my 17, soon to be 18 year old, my 15 year old and my 11 year old sons are the most tender and loving young men that I know, and their hugs remain strong and caring and heartfelt. They hug me now, not as boys, but as men. They hug me of their own free will. And, in their embrace I so know their love. I never for a second believed that they would not want to spend time with me, nor did I expect that they would. I just loved them as much as I could, and as I believed they wanted to be loved... and I work to stay relevant and engaged in what they like and enjoy.... and as long as that is the case... I have no doubt that we will be close.
4. STOP ASKING " THIS OR THAT"... START ASKING, "WHAT DOES IT TAKE FOR THIS AND THAT TO BE ACHIEVED". OVER AND OVER AND OVER I hear debate, passionate debate about whether path A or path B is the RIGHT choice... When both path A and B together are a better choice. THINK AND... SAY AND... WORK FOR AND... and then only occasionally you will need to think about OR and in those instances it will be easy.
5. DONT NEED TO FIND THE RIGHT ANSWER... JUST NEED TO FIND A BETTER ANSWER... and keep finding the better one over and over again. Don't argue right from wrong... argue better versus worse... it makes the conversation much easier and less emotional. "We are both right. Which makes sense to do first?" Is a more powerful, collaborative, and constructive phrase than, "My approach is the one we need."
6. THERE IS NO GREATER FORCE TO ENGAGE ME IN THE POSITIVE DIRECTION THAN TO GIVE ME CREDIT FOR THE PROGRESS THAT I HAVE ALREADY MADE, OR TO GIVE ME CERTAINTY THAT YOU SEE MY VALUE IN MY CURRENT STATE. If I don't believe you value me today, I am going to work to prove to you that I am worthy today, before I ever attempt to improve myself further. If I know that you see my value today and appreciate it, I will SHOW YOU that I can be even better tomorrow.
7. I am alot less passionate about the philosophy of harmony than I am about the APPLICATION of HARMONY. I don't know if it makes me unique, but helping people find 'harmony' in their path is what makes me breathe. On three occasions this morning on my drive into work, I talked to people on the phone. In the matter of minutes, I was able to reframe their situations in a way that helped them see how straightforward achieving their want could be. DISHARMONY is not our situation, its the WAY WE ARE APPROACHING our situation.
8. Never say the words "Culture" to someone you work with. It has, for most people, negative connotations. Don't say to people, "Let's work on our culture"... NO... Say to people, "Let's be explicit about what we expect from each other. Let's be clear about what is ok and not ok. Let's agree on the behavior that we want to aspire to as a team." Those words get the conversation started. Stop talking in words or concepts that aren't easy to address and come with mixed connotations.
9. Words are SO, SO, SO important. Simple words make the difference. Don't address departments as departments. Don't say, "Lets discuss how sales can help in these efforts." Instead say, "Let's discuss how YOU can help us!" Speak to "WE" when you or the company as a whole has done good. Speak to "I" when there is blame to be identified. Speak to "YOU" when you want to engage action. Speak to "YOU" when there is praise to be given. Don't say "I want"... say "We need". SMALL SHIFTS IN LANGUAGE MAKE MASSIVE SHIFTS IN PEOPLE'S RESPONSE.
10. It's not easy. It's not easy. It's not easy. It's not supposed to be easy. It requires STAMINA... It requires perseverance. It requires passion. It requires a willingness to accept occasional missteps. Harmony can be spelled out in simple steps... but living it, applying it is never easy. POWERFUL - YES. EASY - NO...
Not sure if any of this made sense, but hopefully a few of these did.
Love that you are with me!
Yours in harmony,
Nestor