Ok, let's get back to quotes...
And, again, these are not quotes that "I really, really like."
These are quotes that either ROCKED my WORLD and fundamentally changed the way I thought, in a way that I refer to them and cite them often, OR
quotes that REVERBERATED on my CORE... like a base drum striking the heart of my core and putting into words a TRUTH that I had never been able to verbalize myself.
So - NUMERO TRES... is:
"You can't teach anybody anything. You can only expose people to ideas, and they will decide which to embrace."
Unknown
Most people hear that one and go, "of course." "Yes." "I knew that!"
COME ON... I CALL BS!!!!!!!!!!!!
Think about how we approach our children, our spouses, our colleagues, our discussions.
HOW OFTEN do we truly embrace that reality when we engage in discussion? VERSUS
HOW OFTEN are we banging on our drum, DRIVING our point harder and harder to EMBED it into the mind of others?
When I first heard that quote, it resonated with me, but I had not fundamentally accepted it, until I read it.
WE CAN CHANGE NO ONE!!!
THINK ABOUT all of the debate with respect to POLITICS... How hard do we try to simply DRIVE the Gun debate, or the abortion debate, or the debt or the global warming debate... How CONSCIOUS are we - that we must CONVINCE & CREATE not DEMAND the right path...
THIS IS WHY
"win-win" relationships are so critical.
Transparency is paramount to success.
Conversation is essential to understanding.
Enpowering people is critical to inspiring them.
Taking time explaining things is the most important thing that we do...
Being able to EXPLAIN ourselves, our positions, our beliefs, our recommendations, our ideas is FUNDAMENTAL... otherwise we are hoping on luck to engage and align our teams.
THERE MUST BE CRITERIA and STRATEGY to the direction that we set, so that we have a possibility of ENGAGING others toward our overall objective.
Sure, there is a brief time with our children when they are probably between 6 months old and 18 months where we get very little resistance to DRIVING our thoughts into them, but I believe our children are making their own decisions.
DON'T MISUNDERSTAND COMPLIANCE WITH ADOPTION.
People may DO what you tell them to do.
They may DO what you want them to do.
TEMPORARILY...
But, if they don't, for themselves believe in the direction...
They will do it in a limited way or for a limited time!
In order to succeed BIG... to have our children become the greatest version of themselves...
THEY MUST OWN THEIR DIRECTION....
In order to have people execute OVER TIME - and take things to a level you never knew was possible...
THEY MUST OWN THEIR OWN DIRECTION...
I dont want people to do what I ask them... just because I said it...
I want them to do it because they understand its in their best interest, and hopefully mine too... If they get that - then they will give me all they've got - because they have adopted that direction for themselves.
If I fail to respect the reality that THEY GET TO ADOPT their own ideas... and thus, the idea becomes THEIRS, or at least part of their PLAN... I will get temporary and limited compliance at best.
IT IS A POWERFUL THING - it changes the way you address people and issues. It changes your expectations of sharing things, and it causes you to RESPECT others in a different way...
IMPORTANTLY, there are two sides to that coin...
On the other hand - NO ONE can make you believe anything... No one can make you lose weight. No one can give you discipline. No one can give you meaning. No one can DECIDE FOR YOU, WHO YOU ARE OR WHAT YOU ARE ABOUT...
ONLY YOU CAN ADOPT & EMBRACE THE TRUTH ABOUT WHO YOU ARE...
And, "YOU" become the collective, the aggregate, of the LESSONS you choose to adopt or embrace. The level to which you embrace discipline, you get results. The level to which you drive your work ethic, you get results. The level to which you choose to be open minded or closed.
WHETHER OR NOT YOU CHOOSE TO LEARN... AND BE AN ON-GOING STUDENT OF LIFE...
OR IF YOU DECIDE YOU NOW KNOW WHAT TO DO... and YOU DONT NEED TO LEARN ANYTHING ELSE...
All of that is ON YOU!!!!
I have fully embraced that I must learn continuously - because it fills me with life, because it keeps my mind fresh, because there is more to understand than I can ever know, because EVERYONE knows something that will be valuable to me...
SOMEHOW - those are the things I have chosen to believe and embrace. They seem so very true. And, then they define how I show up in the world.
WE ARE THE PRODUCT OF THE LESSONS WE CHOOSE TO LEARN...
And NOBODY owns that but US...
That is why quotes like BE the CHANGE you wish to see in the world from Ghandi make so much sense. We can only CHANGE ourselves...
We can INSPIRE others to change.
We can EXPOSE others to change.
We can EDUCATE others to WHAT WE KNOW.
But, they ultimately, decide to believe it and embrace it...
OR NOT...
powerful, powerful, powerful...
It changes your expectations of people - an of yourself...
It changed the way I showed up in thew world when I read it...
"You cannot teach anybody anything. You can only expose them to ideas, and they decide which ones to embrace or adopt." UNKNOWN...
to fully embrace this thought makes life harder... but it makes succeeding in collaboration with others POSSIBLE.
to fully embrace this thought makes work harder... but it makes great success possible where everyone possibly gives you the greatest version of themselves...
to fully embrace this thought makes parenting harder... but it also takes away that stress and that disharmony from expecting our children to be who we are and to do exactly what we want...
They will make their own decisions.
They will choose what to embrace.
And SO VERY OFTEN our desire as parents to FORCE them into certain behaviors produces the EXACT OPPOSITE AFFECT. I was one of those kids - at least while growing up.
Have you ever heard a parent say, "whatever I ask them to do, they want to do the opposite?"
That is because you are not RESPECTING the reality that they CAN CHOOSE to adopt your lesson or not. If you respect that in your tone and approach - they will be much more likely to pay attention.
Making it clear to our children that their decisions have consequences - that they will decide whether they have great success or great failure - NOT US!
And, through the teenage years - its less about CHOOSING or ADOPTING lessons, though there is a bit of that going on,.. ITS MUCH MORE ABOUT FLEXING THEIR MUSCLES AND REALIZING FOR THEMSELVES that they can BELIEVE what they CHOOSE TO BELIEVE.
As our children grow up - they realize we are simply additional voices in their minds.
So we must parent, we must manage, we must lead with RATIONALITY... without BLAME... WITH GREAT RESPECT - so that those we care about MOST... our children, our spouses, our employees, our colleagues... our friends... are MOST likely to really hear the value in our words... and thus choose to listen enough to adopt WHAT MAKES SENSE TO THEM... not what we scream the loudest!!!!
I cannot give you harmony. I cannot make you believe in harmony.
I can only share the ideas with you...
And, you decide which ones to embrace...
And, which lessons you embrace... will define you...
It's powerful for ourselves... and it makes us on some level powerless with others.
IT FUELS MY DESIRE TO SHARE...
And tempers my expectations of adoptance...
I DECIDE WHAT I BELIEVE...
And, in turn, you do the same.
Do you believe me? Only you know....
Do you believe in the concept of harmony?
Do you believe Harmony begets harmony and disharmony begets disharmony?
Do you believe harmony is the path, or a path, toward success and happiness...
Because what I belief doesn't matter...
YOU OWN YOU...
CHOOSE the lessons that bring you HARMONY... CHOOSE HAPPINESS & JOY!
Yours in it... all alone ;-) And, always with you in my thoughts.
Nestor