There are a few big things I want to share... but struggling to find the time (or probably more the mindshare) to write...
I do notice my mind working differently lately.
And, I KNOW its because of my on-going search for mindfulness and harmony.
I am not bragging, because I am such a divided soul. I spend a fair amount of my moments in disharmony. But, as I look at where I have been and where I am, I am so crazy further along emotionally.
I no longer fear death.
Not at all. I get that my time here is very temporary, and I am glad for the time that I get and the opportunity that I have to try to influence the world around me. I don't wish for another second beyond what I will live. Be it tomorrow or 50 years from now. I am in this moment.
I no longer resent my father.
Not at all. I see so clearly that he did all that he could and loved me the best way that he knew how. He gave me all that he could muster. And, I have lived an amazing life as a result of it.
I don't fear or wish that my mother was better.
I am grateful she is alive, and am confortable with the reality that she is losing her mind. I know how much she loves me and how much I love her. I am glad she lived a full life and that she is not in pain.
I don't fear failure.
Though I still question myself all of the time, if I am making the best use of my every moment. I am tired at times of trying to change every moment for the better, but I still believe it is the only way to live. Sometimes, making things better may be simply getting some rest.
I get that we need to love each other for who we are, not who we wish we were.
I get that much deeper and sincerely than I ever have. I realize that anything other than that is foolish.
I know my life is my choice, and everything I do i CHOOSE to do.
It puts a ton of responsibility on me, but I prefer it that way. I know how terrible and helpless it feels when you feel you are living someone else's decision. The question that occassionally haunts me is, "Am I choosing wisely?"
I get that virtually everyone is trying to do the right thing.
And, almost without exception when people don't, its not because they dont want to, its because they dont understand the difference.
I am never afraid (except of wasting time).
I am more appreciative of all who have loved me.
I am more understanding of all whom I've known.
I seldom get angry.
I am always grateful.
I am always in love.
I realize that I can't change the world.... that I can only change the world around me... and even then, I can only change myself and hopefully that will influence the world around me in a positive way.
I realize that we must unleash our uniqueness into the world with good intent...
and be grateful for the freedom to do so...
and be certain that those who truly see us will fuel our fire...
as we will fuel theirs.
Some days, I can't think of a specific example of harmony... I see it in everything and sometimes its hard to pick one to articulate... But harmony is a flavor of life that is always there... always savory... always enjoyable.
Somedays... the best we can do... is simply be... and maybe those days are the best ones of all.
And ALL of this is a result of committing to mindfulness & the principles of harmony, and not dismissing it (as so many do) as something that I already understand and do, but rather embracing it as a mastery that I will never achieve but will asymptotically approach.
BE DELIBERATE about your harmony,
I am committed to it forever!
Nestor