TRUTH HURTS?
Does it?
It really SHOULDN'T!
NOTE: This was really a breakthrough thought for me. If you are following the concept of harmony closely, let me know if this point makes sense to you. It was a real self revelation for me today.
I have always been proud of being able to see what I thought was the “objective truth”.
As you hopefully know by now, seeing the “absolute / objective truth” is the nucleus of finding harmony in the moment. Or so I theorize with great conviction ;-)
When the EMG business was growing and thriving from 2009 until 2013, I really did not take any credit. Truth was, it wasn’t deliberate growth. Sure, the fact that we made the cuts that we made, and the way we navigated the storm kept many employees with us. But, few employees leave when the market turns down, and the rise in our revenue was driven by the market expansion. That was the truth.
When my son creates a fantastic business competition and manages to get the authors of the theme book engaged, and they fly him to Asia, and HBR tweets out about the event to nearly 2 million people multiple times… the truth remains that a lot of people left before the keynote and there could be more interaction between the student participants in a different format.
When some very large strategic clients see the value in our strategy and value proposition and choose us as a partner, it speaks volumes about our company and direction, and the truth is that we still need to make our processes more robust.
My issue is this…. I pride myself on seeing the whole truth. The parts that work and the parts that don’t. The parts that work extremely well and the parts that need to work better.
The issue with that way of looking at the truth is that even though its fair and accurate, there is a very delicate line between seeing the “opportunity” or the “weakness” and yet not “wishing” that those things weren’t really the case.
I watch people who are able to just stay on the “full” side of the absolute truth glass.
The glass of water is half full AND half empty. The absolute truth is that BOTH are the case.
I wrote you about the fact that I am a glass HALF EMPTY AND HALF FULL kind of guy.
The TRUTH is that the glass is half full and half empty, so the WANT would be to FILL IT ALL THE WAY.
But when you look at the world that way, you can’t help but internalize the fact that the glass is indeed half empty.
Maybe, just maybe focusing on the fact that the glass is half full is ENOUGH ?
If you focus on the glass being half full, and leave it at that, you can still WANT to fill it… and not necessarily be so explicit about the half that is empty.
Maybe my incessant need to see the WHOLE truth is part of what causes my too frequent moments of disharmony.
I envy those people who focus on the truth, but solely on the half of the truth that is the part you can be grateful for. Those people feel less regret than I do.
So, the thought process, for example, goes like this:
What is the TRUTH?
- GRATEFUL TRUTH… THE IS…. The event went very well. People were happy. A lot more people participated than in years past. The key sponsors where very impressed.
- UNGRATEFUL TRUTH… THE WASN’T… Despite significant efforts the keynote speaker was not attended by many of the participants and virtually no business people from the community. There was little interaction between the participants.
Both of those notes are true. But, the ungrateful truth HURTS the harmony and the moment.
The WANT then becomes, let’s take the event to the next level next year (and you focus on the “WASN’T” part of the truth.
But, again, the ungrateful part of the truth, the “wasn’t” is so extremely close to WISHING that it keeps you from owning the positive.
Perhaps, when we assess the truth of the moment, it is much more powerful to simple acknowledge the GRATEFUL truth. Maybe its not about IGNORING the ungrateful truth, as much as it is making it an ACTIONABLE part of the want.
For example, staying grateful for the success of the event this year, the increased participation, and the impressed sponsors. As they say in Europe FULL STOP! Stop the truth there.
Then shift to the want… NEXT YEAR, let’s increase the participation between the students.
We don’t ignore the ungrateful truth, we just separate it and make it an actionable part of the want.
I know it sounds crazy silly, but I really think it’s the next level of gratefulness for me. It’s the next level of harmony.
In my pursuit of the absolute truth – I own the bad with the good, and it keeps me from feeling great about the good.
IN a relationship, I focus on what is not there as part of the truth, in addition to what is there.
If I could truly just stop at the grateful truth, and convert the rest into the actionable want, it would be significantly more harmonic.
It’s about loving people for who they are. Loving people for who they are AND thinking about what they are not simultaneously starts to feel like wishing and converts into disharmony.
Hmmmm….
That is what makes me so difficult to work with…
That is what makes me so critical of the people closest to me….
They feel my evaluation of the critical / ungrateful truth and it leaves concern and insecurity in the moment.
Even though I tell them that I am focused on all the wonderful stuff, and I am, I am ALSO focused on the not so positive. And, that feels (and is) disharmony.
I see it in people. When they can stop themselves at the grateful truth… they exude harmony in a much more powerful way. In the kind of way that creates gravity.
People I know well, eventually get me, and they get that my criticality coexists with my gratitude for them. But, if they felt no criticality just constructiveness and confidence, how much better and how much faster would they possibly grow?
I don’t know if this feels as powerful to you as it does to me, but I see it now.
Professor Mauborgne, the co-author of the very well distributed book, Blue Ocean Strategy was in my car on Saturday night. She was ONLY focused on the part of the day that inspired her, and she went onto the train glowing. She made everyone feel special because she acknowledged the greatness of the day without needed to acknowledge what was missing. To her, NOTHING WAS MISSING.
Sure, she understood that it could be MADE BETTER… through action next time, but that didn’t mean to her that it was MISSING ANYTHING in the now.
I noticed that and envied it…
My initial reaction, was that she was choosing to see part of the truth…
But I think I was the one that was wrong.
She was visibly in much greater and inspired harmony than I was, despite the fact that I was crazy proud of my son and all that he had accomplished.
Multiple things can be true at once, but maybe they don’t have to be felt at the same time…
There is something powerful here.
There is a tremendous lesson here.
And, I am starting to see the difference between my approach and a more harmonious approach.
The TRUTH SHOULD NOT HURT!
IF IT DOES, you are WISHING IN DISGUISE.
The only people in my life that I truly do this with and feel it with, is with my three sons and my closest friends, and those relationships are easier and more enjoyable than any other. I know that if I can figure out how to expand this way of thinking and being with more of the people that I know and love, that I can be a greater influence for good and I can find greater harmony.
For harmony, we should acknowledge the GREATFUL TRUTH… THE IS, NOT THE ISN’T!
And, GROW the IS through actions in the future, don’t grow the IS by focusing on the ISNT now…
This is a revelation – and a really important piece that I have been missing…
Yours in a more grateful kind of harmony!
Nestor