I SEE U!
I am not sure if I have written about this in harmony, or posted it on facebook…
But even if I have, it’s worth talking about a lot more than once.
I don’t you if you saw Avatar, the movie, a few years back. Besides making me realize that I could be very attracted to blue athletic women, and making me long for a deeper connection with nature and people… I couldn’t stop thinking about how in the movie they expressed the concept of “love” to one another…
“I SEE YOU!” was what they said to each other when they felt deep love…
I SEE YOU…
It’s so silly in some ways… one word, one fewer letter… nobody I talked to after the movie seemed moved by that line and to me, it was one of the most romantic and powerful lines that I had ever heard (used in that sense).
The word “LOVE” is used so very often…
Valentine cards have done the word a huge disservice.
It’s just overused and under understood.
What IS “love”? Probably better left for a separate conversation. I promise to dig into that one soon…
But, think about, “ I SEE YOU!”
I’ve taken you through my evolution of understanding our deepest motivation…
Sexual desire (NO… we think so for awhile, specially those of us from the male species… but NO)
Desire for connectedness (MAYBE… definitely closer, but I would say still not the nucleus of our motivation).
Desire for worthiness (I think that is it. I do think Dr. Brene Brown nailed it.)
WORTHINESS is understood through CONNECTEDNESS (physical and emotional), of which, SEXUAL CONNECTEDNESS is one form (of BOTH physical AND emotional). At least, that is the best that I understand it at this time.
When I hear, “I SEE YOU”…
I hear…
I see through your fear…
I see through your insecurity…
I see who you are...
I see who you are becoming...
I see your effort…
I see your passion…
I see your pain…
I see your loneliness…
I see your sadness...
I see your joy...
I see your beauty…
I see your dreams…
I see your heart…
I see your motivation…
I see your intent…
I see your values…
I see your UNIQUE soul …
I SEE YOUR WORTHINESS!
And, my soul fills… in a way that hearing “I LOVE YOU” could never come close to filling.
In my opinion, to love is to see worthiness, because you can’t see worthiness without appreciating it, without embracing it, without valuing it, without LOVING it…
I SEE YOU is so much clearer than I love you.
It’s a higher bar…
If you think about it, you know who in your life “SEES” you. It’s the people you are most drawn to… the people you want to spend time with… the people you miss… the people you long for… the people you truly and sincerely love.
In fact, I would argue, that the VAST majority of human problems across ALL levels… Race, Geography, Culture, Gender, Political… are caused by our INABILITY to SEE each other.
Our human nature… our most primal instinct and motivation to be worthy FIGHTS against anyone and everyone TO BE SEEN! And, so very often, we just CAN’T! We CAN’T see through our emotions, our filters, our bias, our upbringing… We can’t see people’s intent and unique passion through our own insecurity, our own complex interpretations of the world and how “it’s SUPPOSED to be.”
People’s ambition, or lack of ambition,
For money, or for fame, or for impact, or for intellect, or for nurturing…
People’s selfishness or selflessness,
People’s way of expressing themselves in music, in art, in words, in fashion…
We become
someone who sees color or doesn’t…
someone who sees monetary ambition, or experiential ambition, or altruistic ambition, or academic ambition...
someone who sees things the same way over and over again, or someone who sees change…
someone who sees tattoos or doesn’t…
someone who sees risk as good or risk as bad…
someone who sees sex as good or sex as bad…
someone who sees business as good or business as bad…
someone who sees emotions as good or emotions as bad…
You get the idea…
It’s like we go to the eye doctor in life, and they keep asking us… which one do you like better, 1 or 2, and you say 1…
And, then they say, on two different lenses, 1 or 2, ok 2 this time…
And, through life, as through the optometrist appointment… we get a pair of glasses that fits our vision and our experience in one specific way… and what do we miss in the process? (ok, not sure that metaphor works, but hang with me ;-)
We become someone who SEES the world, through the value of how we want to be seen… and in the process, you make it so that fewer and fewer people can really see you. We distance ourselves from others through our ever narrowing optical range.
But, it DOESN'T have to be that way... To me "getting old" doesn't have to mean narrowing my optical and thus my valuing RANGE... I am convinced that we "stay young" by keeping our ability to SEE value broad... by constantly challenging what we have defined as "beautiful" or "meaningful" and EXPANDING ON IT!
We are all FIGHTING to be worthy… STRUGGLING to be SEEN… and along the way we limit our ability to truly SEE others in their own UNIQUE LIGHT!
That is why as couples we so very often FADE away instead of LIGHTING EACH OTHER UP… because our differences make it less and less and less easy to SEE the unique beauty of those around us… often those closest to us.
It is a discipline. It is a strength. I believe the ability to SEE people is part of our emotional intelligence and can absolutely be trained.
If you can work on separating YOUR desire to be SEEN, with YOUR ABILITY to SEE and appreciate others… WOW… that is an amazing power, baby!
It allows you to see the giant in people.
It allows people around you to feel worthy.
It makes you the kind of person who people are drawn to…
And, most importantly, it helps you achieve HARMONY in a real way… by seeing the IS in those around you… SEEING THEM, APPRECIATING THEM and LOVING THEM…
And, filling their hearts in the process to make them bolder and more confident and powerful beings…
Who knows... maybe we can even learn to love blue people with big eyes who ride colorful birds and wear loin cloths and worship beautiful trees on far away planets.
I SEE YOU!
Or, at least, I work to SEE you, I try to SEE you in every moment…
Because...
when I am able to TRULY and SINCERELY SEE YOU…
The odds are much better… that you can SEE me too!
Yours in Avatar & human Harmony,
Nestor