I am always asking...
Am I living the biggest and best version of myself?
And, if not, how do I?
This morning, as I was writing about "When Breath Becomes Air", the question again popped in my mind.
How do you KNOW? How do I KNOW?
And, I thought... it's really not that hard a question.
I am absolutely NOT living the best and biggest version of myself.... LIVE WITH IT!
There are those rare and most fortunate ones that make their wildest dreams come true...
The Steve Jobs. The Billy Joels. The Mick Jaggers. The Donald Trumps. The Barrack Obamas. The Mother Theresas. The Yo-yo Mas. The Tom Brady's. The Michael Jordans...
You get the idea.
It takes unusual dedication, unusual talent, unusual focus, unusual timing, and some luck to be one of those very few people whose wildest dreams come true.
And, if we live our lives measuring ourselves against our wildest dreams we will always come up short. Even those names I mention above, probably long for some part of their dreams that they didn't fulfill.
It's human nature to dream. It's human nature to want for more. And, it's human nature to question.
How do you achieve harmony, then... KNOWING that you are not living the very biggest version of yourself?
By finding your energy, your joy, your satisfaction, your inspiration from your progress not from your aspiration...
The question shouldn't be... and I living the best version of myself relative to my maximum potential? And, how am I doing versus my dreams?
The question should be... am I living the best version of myself that I can conceive in this moment? And, how am I doing versus my previous self?
The fact is... I have great potential. I am blessed with amazing gifts that I could have achieved more with...
And, I am ok with that... I am not the very best version of myself relative to the theoretical absolute... but I have been doing the best that I could every step along the way... and I accept that.
And, now, the question is... how do I do this next moment even better?
I am still hopeful that the best version of myself that I am able to muster will have a real impact in the lives of those around me.
I am still hopeful that the best version of myself will inspire others to live bigger, happier and more meaningful lives.
And, I am still hopeful that the best version of myself will deliver me a smaller ego, and greater satisfaction for doing good unto others, and allow me to be truly and sincerely grateful for the journey that I have been fortunate to have...
I have for so much of my life made the "very best version of myself" the goal. And, that has caused me decades of feeling like an under-achiever and simply "not enough".
I am not the very best version of myself that I can be.
I am the best version of myself that I can achieve right now... and in this next moment I will try again.
Remember that "magic" is hope and possibility...
I read today that most dreams are achieved or thrown away, but they are all resolved in one way or another.
Well, what if I never stop reaching?
What if I never give up on hope and possibility?
What if I take my desire for better through my very last breath?
That is my game plan... It has been my approach my entire life.
I have never been the best at anything... but it has never stopped me from reaching for more...
And, steadily I have gotten better... and better...
And, I am so very far from BEST... but, that is no longer my question nor my objective...
The very BEST version of myself will be the version that NEVER gives up on my dreams...
The version that NEVER stops believing in the possibility of a better me...
And, while I will never achieve MY BEST version, I will be THE BEST version of me that time allows me to become...
Through the years, many of my dreams have certainly come true...
just not the wildest ones...
YET!
I Sigh... and then I smile...
BETTER is perfect enough for now,
as long as I never give up on for ever...
And, BETTER FOR EVER will have to be ENOUGH ME
for harmony...
Nestor