Below is my original post from December 2014. I wrote it after one of the hardest days working...
So yesterday in the morning, my phone rang...
"Hello"...
"Hey Nestor, It's Gene. I was calling to see how you were doing, and hoping that you were doing well!"
"GENE! I thought I would never hear your voice again. Thank you for calling, my friend. I missed you! I am so glad you called..."
We talked like old friends... and it warmed my heart in so many ways to hear from him. We renewed our vows of friendship, mutual respect and talked about business and about life... We talked about his termination, and he owned his part. Time, if we leverage reason & allow emotion to fade, gives us perspective.
I thought back to the conversation I shared on this site the day after I had to fire him...
Life is far from perfect...
But moments like yesterday's call make me double down on my confidence and certainty in harmony...
The truth hurts like hell sometimes... it tears us apart...
And, the truth is the only thing that can ultimately keep us together.
Harmony and truth doesn't make perfection possible - but it makes happiness, in the most meaningful way, possible.
Moments like hearing "Gene's" warm and caring voice on the phone yesterday... his affirmation of our friendship transcending hardship, our mutual respect transcending differences...
Make me believe...
IN EVERYTHING that is good... and
MAYBE it's not naive... but maybe its that powerful...
I LOVE that the child in me that can still be surprised by the power of harmony...
Even at my tender old age ;-)
Nestor
ORIGINAL POST
LEADERSHIP
Yesterday was one of my toughest days at work… one of the toughest in 24 years.
While I can’t share the issue in great detail, yet, I can share with you the following…
We all have insecurity.
It exists in all of us on some level.
The more pronounced our insecurity, the more we can only communicate critically regarding ourselves on two levels, superficial or all out war. Either we communicate superficially, couching all single elements of criticality with positive attributes, or we are engaged in an all out war.
I have had the situation before in my career, when someone at a high level who is highly insecure, expects me to support them. I remember years ago someone saying to me, “you are not loyal”, “you don’t support your people.”
On one level, that individual was right.
I work like crazy to support every person in the company, independent of title, performance, or length of service. I support everyone on the belief that they are working to do their best and part of my job is to champion our understanding of their commitment.
But the truth is that if it comes down to it, I support what I believe is in the best interest of the company, the people in it. I support the long term sustainability and success of the company, and whatever decision that requires. That is what I am loyal to.
I am loyal to my values, not to people.
I am loyal to my purpose and my responsibility, not to people.
For example: If my brother was the unabomber (I don't have a brother, and the Unabomber was already found - but stay with me)... I would turn him in. I am not loyal to my brother, if he starts sending letters to people with the intent to harm. Maybe this is an extreme example... but I think it makes the point.
I am loyal to people. And, if I am put in the situation to choose, between being loyal to the company or to an individual... I have to be loyal to my values... to what I believe is ultimately right...
I am loyal to my values, which are ultimately to do right and improve the world around me as best as I can.
That scares people. That scares insecure people. They probably wouldn’t describe it as “scares”, but rather causes concern and changes the dynamics.
Yesterday, I had to look someone that I care tremendously about, someone that has made a tremendous contribution to the company over a very long time, and terminate them.
I am convinced without a moments pause that it was the best and a necessary decision for the company. But, I will never forget it.
As you know, I try to see the absolute truth. I try to see the truth beyond my own truth. And, I believe that I often do. But, I also see the other truths. I can see the truth that this individual saw and felt, and I can feel how devastating and betraying my actions felt.
I felt sick all day. I was sad on some level. There was a part of my brain that wanted to weep, but a much larger part knew it would have been the wrong emotion. I felt ill.
Maybe its like when you take a medicine against some illness, and you feel really bad the first few days.
My actions were to create a significantly greater harmony in the company, but the action required to achieve it would create great disharmony in me.
I watched others react to the same situation, and I could see that they were comfortable with the absolute truth, to the point where other truths were irrelevant, unfelt.
I truly feel like in my desire for harmony, I put myself in others’ shoes and I can see what they see, I can feel what they see. It’s what allows me so often to create paths that “work for everyone”. (Probably I do that much better at work than at home.)
The downside is when you can see two paths… and you can see that they cannot connect in any reasonable amount of time (I will never believe that we are unable to create shared paths – only that we wont be able to accomplish it in a reasonable amount of time. I believe that as long as we have rationality, the possibility ALWAYS exists of being able to see and understand things in different ways).
And, therein lies part of my challenge.
Because I believe that change is always possible, the question becomes of “how much of an investment is warranted? How long is reasonable?” It makes it a more discretionary decision that I own, versus the believe that “that person will never get it”. That makes it absolute and easier to decide. But deep down inside, I believe in man’s ability to ultimately see truth above all else.
So, I can see why my actions yesterday, viewed through another person’s filter can be seen as betrayal.
And, it’s not that it makes me sad to be misinterpreted, or misunderstood. That doesn’t feel great, but I can deal with that.
It’s that because that “truth” exists in their perception, they may never see the real truth. They may actually take material steps back in their ability to see the truth about themselves and achieve a greater harmony in life.
In order to achieve what we needed to achieve at work, in order to liberate others from disharmony, I had only one path to make.
I tell people that the WHY of our company, one of the two is to help our employees take some meaningful step toward their dreams. And, yesterday, in order to allow that truth to exist for the majority of our employess, I had to shatter one of them.
I had to shatter their dreams about their role within our company.
I had to shatter their dreams about me, and about our friendship.
I had to shatter, or at least, make more difficult their ability to achieve harmony on their own.
I feel sad and I feel sick. And, I am certain thatour actions yesterday where not just right, but essential. There was no path around it that was right for the people in the company.
Multiple things can be true at once. Someone can be an amazing, interesting, caring, intelligent person.
And, they can be the wrong person for a given role.
One absolute truth is that leadership must lead. Leadership must put the good and the needs of the organization ahead of their own. Leadership must be engaged and active.
I am loyal, to the death, for people that are adhering to our values, that are working for the good of the cause.
But, ultimately, I am loyal to the cause.
And, when your cause is the success of each and every employee, days like yesterday break off a piece of my heart, make evident to me that it is an imperfect world, and that pure harmony is never possible.
And, there is a small part of me, a naïve part, a visionary part….
The dreamer…
The child…
The man…
That wishes, at least for a moment, that perfect harmony was possible.
It’s not…
That’s the truth…
And, I deal with it.
Yours in imperfect but deliberate harmony,
Nestor