So, 12th triathlon done...
I am amazed how much the words from that woman last year, "Don't Stop Yellow Shirt" were in my mind the entire race (specially on the run).
The race is one of mixed emotions for me...
DISHARMONY - It always brings emotions of wishing I had worked harder training, wishing that I was doing better on my overall weight, wishing that this would be a year for my personal best.
HARMONY - I am always proud to show up and fight through it. It doesn't make me stronger in one day, but my commitment to not give up on it, keeps the possibility of doing better next year. I am proud that I can do it at all, and GRATEFUL that I can do it at all. And, that is the start of a better me.
I went into the water, and the 61 degrees was colder than I imagined. I kept telling myself, "the water will feel warmer than the air (46 degrees), and bottom line... I was WRONG! 61 degrees is cold! It took me awhile to catch my breath. The glare of the sun made sighting the markers very difficult, and I am fairly certain that I swam an extra quarter mile side to side trying to figure out which way was straight.
I kept relating the swim to life... early on, there is anxiety. You don't know exactly where you are going. You tend to go too far in one direction before correcting your direction. You are overly focused on your short term. You are not enjoying the ride because you are overly concerned with what is going on around you.
Then you start to settle in.
You start to breathe more normally.
You start to enjoy it.
You start to go in straighter lines, and you learn how to sort out the short term challenges without much anxiety.
I was mindful of my body. I was trying hard to reduce the "noise" my body was making in the water. I was focused on my "flow"... and it became a much different swim.
By the time I was coming into the final 1/8th of a mile... I was in a groove. I was feeling strong. I was passing people. I was breathing normally.
I had similar experiences on the bike with the wind coming at me.
And, on the run.
My mind was talking to me non-stop.
And, I knew I wouldn't hit a wall this year. I don't know why. I just knew.
"Don't stop now yellow shirt"... kept playing in my mind. I would smile.
"OK now SPEED UP Yellow shirt" I heard my mind say as I got to the last mile.
"Let's not get crazy" I thought back and smiled.
I didn't win... but I didn't stop. It was the harshest conditions that I have encountered on this course, and I worked run through them.
Thank you all for the well wishes and the support.
Ultimately, I am just one more person in a crowded race.
We are all choosing which "races" to participate in.
I didn't win... but I fought through.
Maybe, winning isn't just coming in first place? I thought to myself as I was coming to the end.
Maybe, winning is showing up?
Maybe, winning is NOT giving up?
Who knows. I don't know what my time was. And, I don't much care.
I am proud for completing it.
I am GRATEFUL for being able to race it...
So, very grateful.
And, I am committed to being stronger next year.
As long as I keep showing up and not giving up.... anything is possible.
But, what would be more meaningful than winning, in whatever definition....
Would be to do what I saw a few on the course doing...
Pushing disabled kids through the course. Pulling them on a canoe behind them... pulling them on the bike... pushing them on the run...
That is admirable. That is loving. That would be the better version of me next year that would feel most satisfying...
Through the glare, I see that marker...
I will swim to it... and continue to quiet the noise.
Tomorrow is a brand new day... And, the best part of these races is that they remind me...
Winning isn't everything...
Or maybe winning is everything,
and I have been winning everyday - everyday I've had the gift of waking up...
I will refocus my concept of winning,
and show up... be grateful... be strong... and tri harder.
"Tri" harder.... get it? HA!
Yellow shirt... OUT!
in harmony,
Nestor