By now you've likely heard the quote that goes...
"I've learned that people will forget what you said,
people will forget what you did,
but people will never forget how you made them feel."
Maya Angelou said these words and with it captured an absolute truth that will be repeated for the rest of time.
There are so many other important things than feelings...
but there is nothing MORE important when it comes to human interaction.
How we make people feel makes possible anything else we hope to achieve with them...
iIf we hope to achieve ANYTHING through them or with them, we need to make them believe in us, believe in themselves... Feel like engaging and helping... Or at the very minimum NOT making them feel bad.
What is hard is that how we make people feel is so very much determined by people themselves.
You can approach various people with the same exact approach and muster up completely different feelings between them.
How we make people feel has a lot to do with how they feel about themselves to begin with...
I don't have any answers today... Just making an observation.
The emotional intelligence to be able to read people so that you may approach people in a way that creates the possibility that you will make them feel as you hope to make them feel... THAT is an important skill set. THAT is a magical skill set that gives us the possibility of achieving great things in general harmony.
I could talk about this quote and all its implications for hours.
I will leave you with this thought...
I am nearing 50... And, while not blaming anyone... The vast majority of who I am today, good and bad, is because of what I remember feeling as a kid...
how my parents made me feel...
how I felt in so many situations...
I don't remember detailed memories or specifics, but I remember how they felt as if it happened a moment ago.
I grew up feeling very clearly like I wasn't enough... And decades later those thoughts still fill my mind daily.
I am not asking for empathy nor pity.
I own my thoughts and have for some time, and in the process in every moment of reframing them...
but think hard about your children...
think hard about those you coach... Those you lead... Those you influence...
Be they young or be they old...
In life... In every interaction, we are either helping others shape their feelings about themselves
OR
poking at and around wounds that people have about how they feel about themselves.
And it's probably not an "or" but an "and".
You don't HAVE to care about other people's feelings...
As long as you don't have to interact with human beings the rest of your life ;-)
I believe every one of us wants to feel good about ourselves, our life, our contribution... and that thought guides my almost every action.
And we will always gravitate and be loyal and follow those who have the intelligence to help us feel worthy and feel joy.
I don't know exactly how to accomplish this beyond simply thinking first about the person you are engaged with... Thinking first about what they need from you before thinking about what you need from them...
Maya also said,
"When you know better,
you do better."
So,
"love" your children...
MAKE THEM FEEL LOVE
MAKE THEM FEEL WORTHY OF YOUR LOVE...
Heck, to the extent that you can,
make all children you know feel worthy...
of themselves...
of their own love.
Because they,
and we,
will remember those feelings
for
EVER!
My intent today and everyday is to make you feel like you are not alone.
My intent is to help you know that the struggle you feel, we all feel.
My intent is to help remind you, as I remind myself that we can make everything better, one moment at a time...
because
despite occassional
feelings and memories
to the contrary,
we
simply
can
feel
and
live
better...
In joy...
And,
In harmony,
Nestor