I sleep like a baby...
I usually fall asleep seconds after going to bed.
Tuesday night, my mind was racing when I laid down.
It was all circling around one of the people that I work with... frustrated, angry, misunderstood, concerned... just NOT on the same page. I was turning around all of the things that concerned me, and why...
So, I sent them a text...
"Let's meet first thing tomorrow".
That alone - cleared my mind materially.
We have different values, different approaches, and often different opinions on so many things... The conversations we have are difficult, because they are one of those people that just does not move off of their position... almost ever.
YET, I know that at the very core of it, they want the best thing for the company and everyone in it.
The next morning, first thing, we got in a room.
I shared everything that was in my mind. EVERYTHING!
I did it as constructively as I could - but pulled no punches.
I anchor in on our shared goal, which lies below many layers of disagreement.
And, we had a great discussion. We had better understanding into each other. Confirmation of some differences, appreciation for others, willingness to work differently on some.
Thing is - the level of "noise" in my head... was completely different.
We shook hands after our conversation and moved forward.
Yesterday - again we got into a room, and I laid out all of the truth of my thoughts on the table. Pointedly, critically, honestly, constructively... and we put another brick into our foundation.
It is SUCH a better way to go through life.
I have had some life altering truths put on the table this year... and on EVERY instance, no matter how hard, no matter how personal, no matter how painful...
When there is a shared truth that unites - it is all you need. A shared core truth AND some willingness to build from it... anything is possible.
"The TRUTH shall set you FREE."
I don't know who said that... but that line keeps coming back in my mind over and over and over again this year.
CANDOR, TRUTH... it's the harder path... but it's the only path to harmony... to happiness.
There are some that use "truth" as their reason to be hurtful, to be patronizing, to be bullying, to be divisive, to be "right".
THAT'S NOT IT AT ALL...
I think you need to use "TRUTH" to find humility, to be vulnerable, to be transparent, to construct TRUST, to search for that core value that joins us... that unites us... that inspires us and fuels us to work together toward a common good.
Because, it's not MY "truth" that matters... it's "THE" TRUTH. And, the only way to find "THE" truth, is for all of us to express our own...
AND, to KNOW, to BEHAVE knowing that as hard as we may try... our "truth" is never the whole truth... but the "truth" as we see it, as we feel it, as we understand it, as we internalize it...
It's when we try to hide our truth, translate our truth, filter our truth, rationalize our truth, steer around our truth, that our brains tire and push back...
Be careful because the truth is scary for some people. Give people time, when you start dealing in absolute truth. Be gentle and considerate and patient. Work with every ounce of your being to find the anchor of your common truth... and to embrace, empathize and understand the other person's truth...
And, if truth ultimately doesn't work after all that... work to change jobs, change environment, change relationship... change your situation until it does.
Dealing in truth is like dealing in a different language, in a more dangerous place. It's like military exercises with "live" ammunition. People can get really hurt if you are not careful. It may take people time to get comfortable enough to meet you there. But, it's the only place that matters... it's the place we all desperately seek.
When you find the ones who accept your truth, embrace your truth, celebrate your truth... Keep them... Love them... Honor them... Construct with them...
BE TRUE to them...
Because in TRUTH... we are seen... and in truth... All is possible... And happiness resides.
So simple...
So difficult...
So powerful...
TRU DAT' :-)
In harmony!
Nestor
P.S. Makes me smile, I started this conversation to explore and find greater harmony.
I always felt at the very center, at the nucleus of harmony was truth. That is why I named the site... Absolutetruth, and not "harmony"... Harmony and truth are a discipline we learn... A mindset we adopt... A life we choose to live. And, the only path, I believe to a meaningful and satisfying existence... And, we must keep rediscovering it in every moment...
I like growing up... I appreciate getting old... Wisdom takes time...