”whoever exalts himself will be humbled,
and
whoever humbles himself will be exhalted”…
Matthew 23:12
The bible houses some powerful truths.
Sometimes you hear something..
that your soul has been screaming at you in emotions...
And, the truth in words strikes a chord,
plays a note...
HARMONY ;-)
Are the truths of who we are coded into our genetics?
Or, are they learned into our being?
How DO we embrace the values that we end up espousing as adults?
This one is deep in my soul.
Some good friends tell me I am not good at receiving compliments. And, while I have tried to improve upon my graciousness when receiving compliments, inside I still cringe.
I want to do great things.
I want to be respected for my contribution...
for who I am.
And, yet, when I hear praise,
I feel small and vulnerable and unworthy.
Is it because deep down inside, I simply feel unworthy?
Or is it because deep down inside, I want no part of exhalted?
How do you strike that balance?
I believe...
Every life is meaningful.
Every act of kindness is impactful.
My actions are with noble intent to bring value to those I know and love.
Yet, in my mind, I remain small and unworthy.
Where is the line between humble and not worthy? I am not sure I really know how to be both.
I know what I want.
I want to leave an impact, a real impact, on people's lives.
I want them to remember the affect I had on them, how I made them feel, how our relationship in some way improved their lives... and hopefully, have them expand on that same emotion to others.
I know what I want the words and the emotion to be at my funeral,
I try to live deliberately to make them so...
And, to believe or to truly internalize any praise feels arrogant, selfish, non-humble.
I aspire to be grateful for the gifts that I have been given... my strength, my intellect, my freedom, my health, my passion, my family, my friends... I want to be grateful
and
I want to humble, not just in actions, but in my soul...
... I struggle to find the balance between humility and unworthiness...
I struggle to understand how to be one without feeling the other...
I know there is a balance that can be understood and achieved.
I haven't yet.
in harmony,
Nestor