So, I turned 50 yesterday...
FINALLY!
I feel like I have been turning 50 for at least a decade ;-)
I say that because I have THOUGHT about turning 50 for decades...
What does it mean? What should it mean?
Should I celebrate it? If so, how?
Is it selfish to be this concerned about this milestone, that only defines "time passing"... and no actual "accomplishment"...
Well, uncharacteristically, I chose to blow it out, to celebrate it BIG...
My idea, my dream, had always been to bring my two worlds together - my American world, and my Peruvian world... together in Peru, and in Miraflores to be more specific, and on the beach...
I have NEVER thrown myself a party of this magnitude, and never plan to again... but it felt appropriate to do so. It felt NECESSARY!
I didn't want to celebrate ME...
I most sincerely wanted to celebrate LIFE...
because I was gifted with it...
Oh, I could write an entire book on the many, many thoughts that crossed my mind in thinking about, planning and executing this silly "party"...
And, it was everything I could have hoped for,
and more.
I will likely have to write about it over a few days - because I will bore you otherwise.
MY FRIENDS & MY FAMILY
ARE
MY LIFE!
And, they are very much what I wanted to celebrate.
Because of that, I was conscious of the friends that could not attend, but focused very much on the moment, and the nearly 60 that traveled from all over the globe to be there.
I wanted so very much to bring my family, whom I love and have spent a lifetime missing, to meet my amazing friends.
And, I wanted to bring my friends, whom I love and spend a large part of my life with, to meet my amazing family.
The energy was special... truly special.
The locale was the end of the pier of the Lima Marina Club... decked up with beautiful lights highlighting party ground zero, with the gorgeous ocean under a sun setting sky on one side, and the imposing and picturesque cliffs of Miraflores on the other side...
I stepped into the location where the party would be and truly felt like I was in a fairy tale... and smiled when I thought to myself, this is my fairy tale... this is my life.
I was taken back by the beauty of this place... and the moment.
I couldn't think of what to say. Or, more appropriately, I couldn't decide which of the many, many thoughts circling my mind to share that would not be too drawn out, too corny, too ME focused, too whatever...
The thought I tried to convey was that...
DREAMS DO COME TRUE... and Monday night was proof of it!
The significance of my 50th birthday is a function of the significance of the meaningful relationships that I have been fortunate enough to construct and enjoy...
And, perhaps the possibility of finding a greater peace and purpose and understanding of LIFE for myself, to be able to share in some useful way with those I love...
My life is a gift... I get it.
I shared in my short speech that my whole life, I have said, "I am the lucky one that got the muscles that worked."
And, that recently, I had realized perhaps I am wrong.
Perhaps, God or the universe knew better, and had realized that I needed more time than my sisters to understand what life was about... and that it wasn't just by chance, but in some way DELIBERATE...
I liked the thought.
Regardless of whether it was by random chance, or by deliberate divine choice... I GOT IT... I GET IT and 50 is a pivot point in my life.
I am so very grateful for 50... for greater wisdom... for more sincere and deeply held gratitude... for such little fear and anxiety about nonsense... for the opportunity to experience what happens next...
We danced and danced...
While not everyone made it till midnight, the majority did... and the ones who didn't were like fuel cells on a rocket that fall off after their work is done... playing an essential part in launching us to our final destination.
At midnight, the music stopped.
Drenched in sweat, surrounded by smiling and loving family and friends, they broke out into Happy Birthday...
nice...
And then, Frank Sinatra's "My Way" came on... I thought perhaps me and a cousin or friend would get into it and sing along... or not...
What happened next will be a moment I treasure forever...
The nearly 100 friends that remained wrapped around me.... all locked arms... and EVERYONE together BURST into song...
My son, nestled in behind me and layed his head on my shoulder.... I don't remember exactly who else was right next to me, but it didn't matter... because we were all ONE.
My dream of dancing on the beach together with both of my worlds... becoming ONE was not just a thought - but so very real and present.
I don't know that I was able to take it all in. But, I know I was trying...
I looked at their faces and their smiles... and they were singing WITH me and FOR me... A song I love, but don't yet deserve. But, there it was... and, I didn't want to miss it...
"And, through it all...
When there was DOUBT...
I ATE IT UP... and SPIT IT OUT...
I grew tall... through it all...
And, did it... OUR WAY" ;-)
What an absolutely perfect night... beyond words... beyond hope...
It was proof...
Dreams do come true...
And, when they do...
they are not exactly as we imagined,
yet they can be more than perfect...
at least for me...
at midnight of April 11, 2017...
My life, and the moment,
was everything I ever dreamed it could be...
what a night
what a life
what a gift
in harmony,
Nestor