"I gave him the outline, and he didn't do anything with it."
"We have had this conversation with her a million times!"
"I don't have time for this today!"
"Why can't they/he/she just..."
"I might as well do it myself!"
Much of my day is spent hearing frustrated people...
"Wouldn't YOU be pissed off?" They ask me...
My short answer is "No... how would getting pissed off benefit me?"
But, I get it.
Communication.
Progress.
Alignment.
is HARD STUFF!
And, when we have timelines and deadlines and competing priorities,
and people don't produce or progress at the pace which we NEED them to do so
or better said, EXPECT them to...
And, that is frustrating, and at times, angering.
But, you aspired to be a leader... yes? Isn't that is the role you wanted!
You can, over time, make the role easier and less "frustrating", but you need stamina. You need persistence. You need to work with all of those individuals that are somehow not meeting your needs or expectations... and meet them where they are... and help them, and YOURSELF, grow & develop!
You need to state your expectations multiple times in different words, in different ways, until they get it. And, that is often no where near enough. Have you been dealing with the same issues with the same people for years?
Why do you think that is?
You need to learn the strengths and weaknesses of your team to know who is truly capable of what, and along the way, you need to accept that not everyone will be able to meet your expectations across all of your categories, because either you don't know how to lead well enough, or because they don't have the capability.
And, it's so much easier to jump to blame and get angry at someone else's imcompetence, than at our own limitations as a leader...
You need to grow. You need to find the right roles for the right people. You need to modify roles. And, ultimately you do need to remove the people that simply can't deliver at the right level in any of the ways required.
To be a leader is to be a conductor of the orchestra. You cannot play all of the instruments yourself. You should not. You must take the time to put people in the right seats. You must bring new people in and take the wrong ones out. You must coordinate, explain, and keep setting the pace.
It requires stamina, not to quit... not to jump in and do it yourself... not to give in to frustration or anger.
The kind of stamina to have similar conversations over and over, and be willing to embrace the challenges when they appear. You will navigate through storms in the market, storms in the organization, storms in individuals, and occasionally within yourself.
And, you will have to not say things you are thinking of feeling, because the time is not right.
You will have to have patience with your own expectations, as you help others lead from their own expectations.
If you are going to be an effective leader - you will accept that you have three important roles:
1. To always be the one that sees the Vision, and never loses confidence in the organizations ability to deliver it.
2. To develop other leaders. To help them have patience when they need it. To remind them that anger and frustration are natural and to be expected, but to move past them quickly, as they only distract from the job at hand and impair our ability to think and execute effectively (and they make work much less satisfying).
3. To be the one that doesn't succumb to anger or frustration - but keeps reason and possibility alive above all else.
Leadership requires stamina, perhaps like no other role in your life, other than marriage.
When you are angry or frustrated, breathe and consider...
Is this serving me in any positive way? Is it serving those I serve?
Wasn't this the role I chose... I aspired to... I dreamt about having?
To be effective and impactful leaders - we need to figure out how to build our own leadership stamina, how to stay inspired and strong...
How to have relentless faith and commitment to our vision...
How to avoid the temptation to react in anger... to reach for blame... to WISH that people were anything other than what they are...
My experience is that the vast majority of people are giving us their very best... and in moments where I want to get angry, I remind myself of that... No one is intentionally failing me or the company...
If they are failing, it is because I have failed to make the expectations clear. I have failed to ensure that they understood the task at hand. I have failed to give them the training that they needed. I have failed to help them understand the right priorities. I have not made it clear to them why this other approach is more effective.
When people anger me or frustrate me... I try to always breathe and take responsibility for where we are...
Because I AM the leader...
I have the greatest ability to affect the clarity of our Vision... the use of our resources... the setting of our priorities...
...nobody ever fails me...
When we fail... I deeply believe it is because, if anything, I have in some way, with the best of intentions failed...
I have failed at assessing their abilities, their workload, or the clarity of my request.
The question it begs is - did I invest enough of myself to get the results I expected?
I think that is the biggest leadership failure today - the one that causes the most frustration and anger. It comes from us
EXPECTING RESULTS GREATER THAN OUR INVESTMENT IS CAPABLE OF DELIVERING. And, by investment, I mean the amount of time and resources we dedicate to a task is inadequate to achieve the desired results we expect, based on the competing priorities.
We so often expect that because we say something once, results will appear. But, how many things do we hear once and deliver in a complete and timely way on?
We must have stamina that keeps us from creating a double standard, just because no one can call us on it.
I remind myself that I am doing MY best, as they are doing THEIR best...
I remind myself to smile...
to breathe...
am grateful for their attempt, try to capture the lesson for me and for them.
How did I underinvest? How do I need to invest differently? How do I need to lead differently?
Life simply will never be the way I WISH it was...
Life will always be the way that it IS....
And, in every moment I will do my part to move it toward the IS I want...
Toward our VISION...
because I know with certainty that we can achieve it...
It's my job to believe it... sincerely.
So, I show up in the next conversation,
and try again...
in harmony,
Nestor