NOTE: Please realize ahead of time that my post has NOTHING to do with "handicapped parking"...
Last week , I wrote a Facebook post...
"Handicapped Parking Spaces should really read: "Reserved for some handicap people, but primarily for immoral people who are lazy or drive expensive cars." The vast majority of people I see using these spaces "worked" the system for the special pass. Few things piss me off, but this one does... sorry venting!"
When I wrote it, I hesitated before hitting "POST".
It didn't FEEL right.
Why post something negative? What will I gain from it? What will anyone gain from it?
The concept angers me, and I realize its wasted energy. I could sense the pangs of disharmony...
But I hit POST anyway.
People started responding to it. Mainly supportive. I felt good.
"This is a connected frustration," I thought.
I am RIGHT to be angered by it.
"I agree 100%."
"Fully agree."
"YES!"
I felt emboldened.
Then a friend wrote...
"My sister in law has stage 4 cancer and and a a port and with ??Surgeries she has a handicap pass. People use the 4 letter word and tell her she has no right to park there. If only they walked in her shoes"
I felt small.
I responded with empathy. Judging people was not my goal. At least, not people with REAL physical problems. The problem is that it's somewhat impossible to try to judge one group of people and not another. Once I start judging... I am in disharmony.
Then another friend chimed in...
".Too often a handicapped person has to endure bad treatment and hear how unfair the "system" is to well abled bodied people.... It is not easy to be in my shoes...believe me."
The pangs of hesitation expanded.
I am not afraid of putting up a meaningful debate. On the contrary, I would love to be a catalyst for meaningful debate. But, this one felt wrong.
Is this a meaningful enough issue to disagree on?
What is truly behind my anger? INJUSTICE? LAZINESS?
So, I thought to myself...
- Do I delete this entire exchange and wipe the post from my facebook? That feels cowardly and disrespectful to the argument and those that disagreed.
- Do I engage in a back and forth that is likely to lead nowhere? And, what good can possibly come from additional debate? There was no debate. I am glad those spaces exist for handicap people. It angers me that people take advantage of it. But, I would never say anything out loud to people who actually park there because I never really know for sure if that "new corvette" is driven by someone with a real problem or someone simply with a placard.
So, I decided to back up gently and default to trust and gratitude.
"I have been reminded that many people who use these spaces have handicaps that are not obvious nor visible. I didn't intend to judge, nor offend those people. They are dealing with enough. No pet peeve is worth offending anyone. I am going to focus on being grateful for not needing a handicap space... and let those who may be gaming the system judge themselves. Life is short... Pet peeves aren't worth risking respect and empathy..."
Again, the issue is much less about handicap parking spaces and much more about the arguments we choose to engage in, amplify or diffuse.
My argument served no one initially.
It simply AMPLIFIED disharmony.
I WISH people would not take advantage of the system. And, I had the support of others who felt the same. But, the only thing I was going to accomplish was to remind people of their anger, and potentially embolden them to "speak up" and possibly judge or offend someone who very possibly didn't deserve it.
I was ashamed of myself for posting my sentiment in the first place.
There were some converging and caring messages exchanged by all parties involved and we all moved on.
What pet peeves do you have?
What possible good are they serving?
Why even have pet peeves?
I need to stay more alert to the pangs of disharmony, and be quicker to modify my behavior when I feel it.
The world doesn't need more purposeless criticality.
I want to write and live from my soul not from my ego.
I try to walk on the right line of harmony, and more often than I care to admit, I stumble.
Catch yourself... and stay on your feet!
in harmony,
Nestor