I rewatched "The Surprising Science of Happiness" again from Dan Gilbert.
It's a TED Talk - and it never stops amazing me, what amazing content is available for FREE... all over the internet.
You've got to see it.
Dr. Dan explains that our pre-frontal cortex is "an experience simulator" which makes us so different from all of the other species on the planet. We can VISUALIZE things before we make them happen and make conclusions about how they will turn out... in a way that is most sophisticated than other species.
But, our pre-frontal cortex, he argues is FAULTY. It draws the wrong conclusions.
For example, he tested people who became paraplegics and people who won the lottery. We would all expect that lottery winners would be happier than people that have suffered a debilitating accident...
RIGHT?
But, the research shows that just 3 MONTHS after the "event" be it - suffering a debilitating accident or winning the lottery - both sets of people in the research where EQUALLY HAPPY!
He relates that "HAPPINESS CAN BE SYNTHESIZED", meaning HAPPINESS can be concluded in our lives, regardless of our situations.
All of us have the ability.
He explains the difference between "natural happiness' - the happiness that you get when what you want actually happens, and "synthetic happiness" - the happiness that you get when what you want doesn't actually happens, but you learn to find the positive in it.
He proves through research that BOTH happiness' are the SAME physiologically...
He suggests that SURE, it's appropriate to have PREFERENCES about how we want our lives to turn out. It's appropriate to want to select ourselves into one future versus another... but those should be PREFERENCES... not SINGLE OPTIONS.
So often in my life, I have seen people in misery because life turns out differently than they expected. Sometimes it is through tragic events, like death of a loved one. Sometimes it is through sad events, like a divorce. Very often it is through unfortunate events like the loss of a job, or a missed opportunity.
DIFFERENT PEOPLE trigger anxiety, sadness, anger,,, call it "unhappiness" based on different stimuli...
AND, we all have the ability to PRODUCE happiness in our lives SIMPLY by CHOOSING IT!
Dr. Dan introduces the concept of "unbounded" ambition for "happiness". I call it "single option" happiness. When we convince ourselves that we can only reach happiness via one path, according to Dr. Dan..."it leads us to lie, to cheat, to steal, to hurt others and to sacrifice things of real value."
As much as I hate to admit it, I have been guilty of that at different times throughout my life - often in trivial ways, sometimes in very meaningful ways.
And, it's not just unbounded pursuit of happiness, but also an unbounded level of fear that causes similar levels of anxiety and departure from our desired life.
"FEARS bounded make us prudent, cautious, thoughtful.
FEARS unbounded make us reckless and cowardly" and I would argue, DISTRUSTFUL.
We have the capacity to create happiness if we choose it, and being mindful that the paths to happiness are boundless and many is essential.
As I have grown, I have come to realize that no one can take my joy except me, and no one can offer me joy, unless I am willing to accept it.
As I write, I can't help but think of my parents... I wasn't thinking about them when I started but i do now. I talk about my sisters often, but I don't often think about the affect they had on my parents. My parents had TWO disabled daughters that required their attention EVERY MINUTE, at a time and in a place when people felt disabled children were given to parents who had sinned against God. They gave so very much for Dee and Ana... they left their country... And, then they saw both of my sisters die in front of them at the ages of 7 and 15. And, yes there was sadness... there was great sadness... but there was also eventually joy... GREAT JOY and HAPPINESS in their lives... They created synthetic happiness in a way that I never fully appreciated possibly until right now...
Dr. Dan says, its FINE to have preferences... but "when those preferences drive us too hard or too fast because we have OVERRATED the difference between these future options, we are at risk!"
We are at risk of unhappiness and of betraying our value and of living without joy!
AND, our pre-frontal cortex as proven by the research between debilitating accidents and winning the lottery - is FAULTY by DESIGN. It EXAGGERATES and AMPLIFIES the difference between future realities... beyond what is experienced in reality.
Have you heard "The Grass Is Always Greener"...
It's JUST NOT... at least not as "green" as our imagination would like to lead us to believe.
We are all flawed. And, reality is flawed. And, it's where we live and where we are and it is amazingly and perfectly imperfect.
So, be MINDFUL of our own tendencies to OVER AMPLIFY how good one scenario can be over another...
be MINDFUL of the reality that we can CREATE happiness in EVERY life situation...
be MINDFUL that if we define our path to joy and happiness in single terms... via a single life experience... amount of money in the bank, a single relationship, a professional want, some eventuality that speaks to us...
"WHEN I, IF I... accomplish, experience, complete __________ then I will be happy..."
And, so very often, we don't say it out loud. In fact, we rarely speak to that thing that we most covet in life... but it speaks to us from inside of our mind all the time...
IF we define our lives, and more importantly our happiness by that ONE criteria... and we fail to deliver it, experience it, accomplish it...
It can bring our whole life down... it can consume our capacity for JOY...
DON'T LET IT! SEE PAST IT or SEE AROUND IT! ZOOM OUT... See your life... all of your life... your health... your love... and CREATE HAPPINESS...
BECAUSE YOU CAN!
and YOU WILL...
if you want to...
just ask Dr. Dan (or watch his TEDx talk). I highly recommend it.
I WANT TO...
and, I AM
in harmony,
Nestor