I’ve always wanted to have the courage to make BIG decisions…
In 1999, I left Procter & Gamble and wrote,
“As I leapt off the cliff, leaving all of the gold,
I opened my eyes, to look, to be bold.
All based on this dream that I had long ago.
I believed I could fly, and to fly, I let go!”
I have always a story that included LEAPING off the cliff into greatness…
I have always wanted that COURAGE.
Leaving Procter & Gamble was one of the biggest decisions I ever made, maybe it is the only cliff i ever leapt from…
In all aspects of my life, I want to show that I have the vision to see big things, and the courage to leap when I see them…
But, to be honest, that is not me.
I don’t know if its that I don’t have the courage, or if I never truly committed to discontinuous vision…
But, to be honest, that hasn’t been me.
And, the questions still hound me…
Do I lack the courage to be authentic?
Do I believe in myself enough to truly leap?
Am I afraid - and do I stay the course because of the comfort with the known?
I don’t have a great answer.
But, here is what I do know.
I have had an amazing life. And, I have learned how to fly. My dreams, many at least, have come true. And, leaping isn’t my style… at least it hasn’t been how I got here.
At least not BIG leaps… I often say, I suck at quitting, and I say that because it’s true. I always see the possibility in things, and i define myself by working crazy hard to make those possibilities real.
And, the cost of that may be that I don’t reach as high, nor as far, nor learn to fly as fast nor as well…
But, to be honest, I think that is me.
I haven’t had the courage to take big leaps, other than the one to leave P&Gin 1999, and I leapt then because I asked myself the question, “when I look back at my life, will I regret not leaaping?” and in 1999, the answer was yes… So, I jumped.
Most importantly, as I look back on my life and my courage, or lack thereof, I notice one thing…
I push myself to leap every day, in every moment..
I don’t know if millions of tiny leaps are greater than or less than a few big leaps… but, small amounts of courage over millions of exchanges has been an approach that has served me well…
Do I have the courage to try new things?
Do I have the courage to reset how I think about things?
Do I have the courage to speak explicitly to my vision?
Do I have the courage to try a little harder every day?
Do I have the courage to tell people what I think?
Do I have the courage to be critical of myself?
Do I have the courage to be honest with myself?
Do I have the courage to not make myself first?
Do I have the courage to tell people things they dont really want to hear?
Do I have the courage to disagree, to be patient, to listen?
Do I have the courage to be wrong?
Do I have the courage to try again?
Do I have the courage to trust that little things can become giant things with time?
Why aren’t all those courages as important to me as… Do I have the courage to leave things behind to try something completely different?
I am more certain as I get older that I don’t like taking big leaps… but I don’t know if its because I am afraid of falling/falling, or if its because I see the beauty and the gigantic possibilities that still exist in what I can create from where I am…
I am more certain as I get older that I have been courageous in my life… in my own way…
Courage can be big and courage can be small… Maybe it takes courage to not give up. Maybe it takes even more courage to leap every day in small ways… or, maybe that is stamina.
It doesn’t make the story as exciting as those who have leapt farther and higher… who have created something from nothing.
I tend to be someone who dreams of creating something from nothing - but yet I truly live to create something better than what existed before I arrived. I am compelled to prove that greatness exists everywhere and in everyone - and I want to help bring it to life wherever I am.
Why is it important to me that my story be more or less exciting than anyone else’s?
Maybe the greatest courage of all
is having the courage to accept who I am…
to accept how I am…
not just to tolerate myself
but
optimize myself
even reinvent myself…
without becoming someone I am simply not…
Maybe I do have courage after all..
Maybe…
Just
maybe…
And, the better question may be…
What should I find courage for today?
in harmony,
Nestor