There is so much content in the world right now... so very much.
The question is not how much you consume, but rather how much do you digest... how much do you consider... and what do you do with those delicious nuggets of wisdom and value?
One thing is to share them... and I think that is part of the beauty (and liability) of social media, that you can share good content (or bad content) and amplify it for the world one share at a time.
So, SHARE freely those things that move you and that you think in some infinitesimal way, move the world and mankind forward by one more person sharing it...
This conversation is about "CONTRAST & SYNERGY"... It is a thought I heard from my new friend, Dr. Shefali, who I am signed up to hear for the entire year (online video course - first time I have signed up for something like that)..
SIDE NOTE: There are about 500 people signed up for Dr. Shefali's on-line course for the year, and I swear that I haven't seen a single other male signed up. And, I have seen probably close to 300 student names. I am not sure if I am a lot less masculine than I once thought (I hope not) or if perhaps I am more enlightened or open minded (I hope so)... but I think possibly being the single male in nearly 500 students is a ratio that I cannot ignore. Something is clearly wrong with me, or with the rest of my male-gendered bretheren ;-)
Anyway... she says lots of things that are interesting and thought provoking, and some that are too far out there for me to relate to...
but, the other day she made a comment in passing. It was something along the lines of..., "Everyone in the world has a personality and as such you make a decision as to whether you / your personality contrast or synergize with that person." She moved along and said little more than that... but it got my mind rolling...
THAT'S HUGE, and I have heard it before in different words...
It loosely ties into the statement I heard nearly 30 years ago from a friend that started changing my trajectory in life, "With everything that you say and do, you will either give life or take life." I quickly translated this thought to - "There are two types of people in the world, those who give life and those who take it away." And, I thought to myself, I want to be mindful and surround myself with the former not the latter.
YOUTH ;-)
We all now know that no one can really "GIVE" you life or "TAKE" life away right? We do that OURSELVES based on how we interpret people we meet, the things they say, or the things they do...
And, I apologize, I am belaboring my point in too much prose...
We decide, usually subconsciously, when we meet someone, is this someone I CONTRAST with or someone I SYNERGIZE with... I think most of us, if not all of us, do this.
The magical question is, "WHAT HAPPENS FROM THERE?"
Almost without exception, I see the world then making a decision... Do I turn on my knowing self, or my learning self?
By that I mean, do I open my mind to what they are saying because I believe I can learn from them (most often because I synergyze)...
OR
Do I turn off my mind, and start to think about all the ways that what they are saying doesn't make sense, show them why I am right and they are wrong... or simply judge them and discount them (Because after all who they are in some way contracts with who I am).
SO, SO, SO often... I see this in my peeps... at work, in my personal life... and, heck, I do this too on some level... but, I try, try, try to do it very little...
As part of "embracing the IS".... I try so very hard to SEE people, to UNDERSTAND their perspective, to TAP into their INTELLIGENCE... I fully and sincerely get that just because we may contrast, doesn't mean I can't learn from you, doesn't mean you can't help me understand the IS of my life or of this situation, and doesn't mean you don't have your own nuggets of wisdom that you carry with you in your bag of thoughts...
And, so VERY often I hear beautiful, insightful, intelligent, meaningful things... from people that I contrast with...
I also realize that we are so complex as human beings... that making a single "CONTRAST vs SYNERGIZE" judgement about people is silly and oversimplified. It comes from our "FIGHT or FLIGHT" brain... I know it. But, it's the wrong conclusion - IN EITHER JUDGEMENT. People you synergize with may simply NOT have the best perspective on aspects of life that you are hoping to learn, and people you CONTRAST with may have phenomenal insights for you to consider in things you want to and need to understand.
You can look at our political world and how ugly it is, and find a tremendous example of this point. Or you can look at people that are deemed as
"artistic" or "mathematical",
"pro life" or "pro choice",
"Honest" or "Dishonest",
"Patriots Fans" or "Not Patriot Fans" ;-)
"grounded" or "ungrounded",
"Sales People" or "Ops People",
"Pro-Business" or "Not Pro-Business",
"Religious" or "Non-Religious",
"Educated" or "Uneducated",
"White" or "Off White" ;-)
You get the idea... but trust me, we all have the things we judge SYNERGY vs CONTRAST on, and by and large we TURN OFF our minds when we come across contrast.
There are people you CAN'T AFFORD to define yourself with as CONTRASTING...
Other fellow leaders for one. If you are leading an organization, you must find COMMON GROUND to lead... in order to create a shared fate. If you define yourself as CONTRASTING, which I see all the time, in my company and others, you create a divide that becomes uncrossable at a human level, and despite how much we may hold hands, people know we are not marching in the same direction.
If you are a parent, contrasting is so dangerous. Now, don't get me wrong... I am NEVER saying, say things you DON'T MEAN... that is a HARMONO-NO ;-) (just made that up - made me laugh)... It is important to teach our children (and our employees) that we don't HAVE to agree on everything to be IN SYNCH.. and thus SYNERGISTIC. We just have to be OPEN MINDED, CONSIDERATE, and RESPECTFUL of our disagreements - and WILLING to consider the possibility of being wrong - OR more likely - the possibility of a TRUTH... an IS... that allows both of our believes to exist together productively.
In fact, you can MOVE yourself DELIBERATELY OUT OF CONTRAST by LOOKING UP!
THIS IS THE POINT... THE VALUE... THE LITTLE GUM BALL AT THE BOTTOM OF THIS ICE CREAM CONE... THE "NUGGET"...
YOU CAN MOVE OUT OF "CONTRAST" with people, IF:
1. You see and are mindful of when you are IN contrast or IN synergy, and don't choose to sign out of the conversation mentally, emotionally, rationally or in any other way once you determine where you sit.
and,
2. You SHIFT your focus to a HIGHER value... in business, it could be your shared desire to grow the company, your shared TRUST that you are both trying to do the right thing, your shared work ethic in giving the company all you've got to help it succeed... in parenting, your shared desire to have your kids be happy and safe, and grow up successfully...
However you can resolve it...
YOU CAN LEARN FROM EVERYONE AROUND YOU... THERE IS MORE TO LEARN, MORE TO UNDERSTAND, MORE TO EXPERIENCE than we can ever reach...
AND, SURPRISINGLY, SO MUCH OF WHAT IS MOST EXCITING AND NECESSARY TO LEARN, we WON'T LEARN from those we SYNERGIZE with because in many ways, we may already know or believe SIMILAR things (which makes us synergistic)...
PEOPLE THAT CONTRAST WITH YOU IN SOME WAY... have the greatest potential of helping you grow and expand your mind and your truth and your IS...
Clearly, I get that there are limits to this. And, that there are irreconcilable differences, and people that we just DO NOT want to spend time with because they are truly evil or mean... But, I would argue that constitutes 0.00001%* of the people you choose not to interact with or learn from.
*(For those of you math folks out there... 0.0001% is a completely made up number and could be completely wrong, it is based on no factual or quantitative testing, but using it for affect... IT'S A SMALL PERCENTAGE ;-)
Trust me ;-) I learn SO VERY MUCH from people I SYNERGIZE with... and the process is MUCH MORE ENJOYABLE... and so much EASIER.... I GET IT. People I synergize with not only take my knowledge farther faster, but they make me feel GREAT about who I am in the process. DO NOT TAKE THIS TRUTH FOR GRANTED... It's what makes us SEEK and PREFER these people so unconsciously.
But, keep your goals... your objective... YOUR WANT in mind... because to truly excel and transform your reality... it's embracing the people that you CONTRAST with that will be GAME CHANGING...
And understanding this dynamic now as a leader...
the more we can learn to synergiE with people the greater the efficacy of our leadership...
we must learn to rise above contrast... to create synergy in our organizations... real synergy.
it is perhaps our greatest challenge and opportunity as leaders... to create synergy so that our team can learn more and better from each other...
because few will be able to learn from contrast, even though all can...
This will not only give you an edge, it will give you almost a "super power"...
It's like all of a sudden you can get protein from chocolate lava cake (if you followed that metaphor, you understand the power of this conversation)...
BE MINDFUL of CONTRAST and SYNERGY... in your own interactions and bias...
AND, in your professional and personal life...
And, work not just to create a bridge for yourself from contrast to synergy... and from close mindedness to open mindedness..
But help build bridges all around you...
EMBRACE & SHARE THE CONTENT that constructs...
BE BIGGER, BETTER, WISER than the status quo...
INVITE and WELCOME CONTRAST...
And, keep an open mind and a warm smile...
always learning more...
in harmony,
Nestor