We were having a conversation with some colleagues a few days ago about our effectiveness managing personalities...
And, as we talked, a thought that I had in the past seemed kept knocking on my brain...
When
FRUSTRATION outweighs APPRECIATION,
relationships,
situations,
spiral into disharmony.
This is not necessarily a new thought, but it is an absolute truth for me. And it is a powerful powerful thought, because it represents the fundamental EMOTIONS underlying disharmony outweighing harmony.
The reason I keep writing, and keep thinking, is because I realize that as simple as these concepts are - translating them in understandable ways into our daily lives is a lifelong challenge and discipline.
Many people upon hearing the concept of "harmony", appreciate it, want to leverage it, maybe even want to embrace it, but they struggle with, "HOW EXACTLY DO I DO THAT?".
Everything I write - can be related to "harmony" - and life. And, it's my attempt to help tie the concept of harmony and the desire to apply it to life - together.
Disharmony is "WISHING" in any moment that things were different. And, WISHING comes from a place of "we don't control it". Hence, we can only WISH for it. And, as human beings when we can't control achieving something that we want - it's deeply FRUSTRATING! It causes stress, anxiety, anger, detachment, and if nothing else it distances us from those we care about and with whom we work.
HARMONY is ACCEPTING the "IS" in the moment, and pushing toward the "WANT". Harmony is ALL about understanding and APPRECIATING the value of what is already there... LEVERAGING the value and the beauty of what is already there in the people we are relating to - in the situations we are trying to improve upon. And not only appreciating, but then taking action in the direction of the moment and the life we WANT to create.
When you are working from a place of HARMONY - you are grateful and empowered... you APPRECIATE both all that makes up the moment and your ability to influence it.
When you think of people or situations - perhaps don't think about "HARMONY" or "DISHARMONY" - because you may not be clear about what those actually FEEL like...
Look inside yourself and look around...
To what level do you feel FRUSTRATION?
To what level do you feel APPRECIATION?
Think about relationships -
the good ones - the ones you go to - what is the ratio of Frustration to Appreciation?
the not-so-good ones - what is the ratio?
Think about situations or conversations where you have felt joyful or stressed... what was the ratio?
And, relationships are FLUID right? The ratio flows over time... and when Frustration/Appreciation is greater than 1 (for you math geeks ;-) it feels COMPLETELY different than when Frustration/Appreciation is less than 1.
A small shift in appreciation or frustration - can tip the ratio and change the way you feel about people, situations... life! For the better OR for the worse.
This is key... FRUSTRATION doesn't have to be extreme to create disharmony in a relationship or a situation - it just has to be SLIGHTLY greater than appreciation.
AND -
YOU can CONTROL APPRECIATION!
This is the magic, the power, the beauty of HARMONY...
YOU CAN CHOOSE TO APPRECIATE A LITTLE BIT MORE - and flip that ratio.
And, here is why that is so critically important in relationships that you value, or situations that are important to your business or your life....
Because, SURE, it does help YOU... it does help the person establishing the ratio...
IT FEELS FUNDAMENTALLY BETTER TO HAVE AN APPRECIATION/FRUSTRATION RATIO above 1. (For those of you math geeks out there - I just did a reciprocal - because I think leading with Appreciation is better ;-)
LIVING WITH APPRECIATION outweighing FRUSTRATION is LIVING in HARMONY... (and then you keep pushing that ratio toward appreciation as much as possible).
BUT AS IMPORTANTLY, IF NOT MOST IMPORTANTLY...
THE PEOPLE WE LOVE... THE PEOPLE WE WORK WITH... THE PEOPLE WE ARE TRYING TO RELATE TO...
THEY FEEL AND FEED OFF OUR ENERGY.
IF OUR APPRECIATION TO FRUSTRATION RATIO IS LOW...
THE PEOPLE WE ARE TRYING TO CONNECT TO - FEEL OUR DISHARMONY.
AND...
DISHARMONY BEGETS DISHARMONY!
While you can significantly influence turning the energy of a frustrated colleague or spouse or friend.... it is hard! And, you have to be conscious and deliberate to even have the possibility of turning it... MOST PEOPLE aren't awake and proactive enough to do that... MOST PEOPLE tend to simply feed off the energy that you are projecting...
SO - if Appreciation to Frustration ratio is low - you will struggle to connect and engage with the people around you. And, if you are a leader or a manager - that is going to further increase your frustration.
AND... AND... AND...
REMEMBER-
YOU CAN CONTROL AND DIAL UP THE APPRECIATION YOURSELF!
That is within YOUR POWER.
And, let me tell you - It is A SUPER POWER.
I swear! Try it!
Go to a relationship that is trying and difficult - and come in with a completely different appreciation to frustration ratio - and see and feel how different the conversation is...
And, if you do that day in and day out - you will be amazed how the relationship can turn...
but it takes energy...
it takes effort...
And, when you succeed... it feeds your energy back... And, it starts to expand and feed others.
HARMONY begets HARMONY....
I hope this makes sense... and I so very much hope you think about it and apply it more to everyday.
It is easier to apply at work than at home, because the emotional ties are not as deep, the vulnerability not as intimate, and the consequences not as life-altering... but at home moreso than work - the level of our harmony creates the foundation for the level of harmony in our life.
It matters EVERYWHERE...
because it's all part of our "IS"...
part of our moments...
which make up our life.
Appreciation vs Frustration...
be mindful of it...
be deliberate with it...
it's not just about me...
it's about you...
and everyone in the conversation...
and whether or not we connect and progress our business and our lives forward.
in harmony ;-)
Nestor