I was on a run with a good friend this weekend... a "tough mudder" actually which is a 12 mile run through the woods with obstacles and lots of "mud"...
For weeks before-hand I worried, "I should be training more..."
My wife gently reminded me that I never train for these things and always "wish" I did...
She's right.
I am not good at quitting or "not showing up", so when my alarm sounded at 4 am on Saturday, I was already up and ready to go.
We had a great ride to the venue and in the pouring rain, the whistle blew and me and my fellow "mudders" were off to the races.
The beautiful thing about the race is that it truly is not about "winning" but about helping everyone around you finish... It's a collaborative race and a really great time.
I noticed through most of the race that my mind was in disharmony...
"I should have trained more."
"I should be in better shape."
"I should take care of my health."
Where the thoughts in my mind... playing over and over as the miles passed.
In the meantime, it was fun. I was with a dear friend and some very cool people. Running in the rain was nutty, but liberating... It was a day "off"...
I slipped and fell more times than I care to remember, but often providing free entertainment and laughter to many of my comrades.
I noticed my disharmony and thought to myself...
"WHY... WHY must you think as you do?"
Why can't I think...
"Look at you! You are 51 buddy and still able to run 10+ miles through the woods!"
"Look at you!" You are out here with most people half to 3/4 your age and hanging strong!"
"What a fun day... aren't you glad you are here... getting stronger... enjoying the mud?"
"And, sure, you could get stronger and spend more time working out... you should try to fit that in more in the coming weeks and months..."
THOSE are the thoughts of harmony... All of the thoughts... the ones of disharmony and the ones of harmony are TRUE... but only half of them SERVE ME in my pursuit of living a life with JOY...
As I ran, I started talking to my bud... "I love your attitude!" I said. "It doesn't get any better than this..."
"I love it" he continued, "I love it when I work so hard that when I hit the bed at night I feel completely SPENT... When I feel like I couldn't have given any more today!"
I lingered on that thought...
I have been going to sleep so many nights lately SPENT... but not "grateful and in harmony" that I gave all that I could that day... "wishing on some level that I wasn't sprinting as fast as I have been..."
Harmony and Disharmony...
fraternal twins in our minds...
yet such completely different realities in our lives.
There is a satisfaction with being SPENT...
IF we are spending ourselves on a worthwhile cause...
On a deliberate cause - in which we choose to invest ourselves.
Where is your mind?
What is the conversation going on inside of your head?
It matters so very much...
It matters in every moment...
I am mindful of the conversations in my head... and working on them always.
Step into the rain with me today...
or into the sunshine...
Give it your all...
Leave NOTHING behind...
And, most importantly let's hit the pillow...
grateful,
quenched and
SPENT!
in harmony,
Nestor