I don't remember the last time I spent Father's Day physically with my father...
But, today, in my mind and my life, was always his day.
No matter where I was, or what I was doing, I would call him, not once, but usually at least 3 times and sometimes 6... to make him feel like somehow we weren't so far apart... and to let him know I was thinking of him.
I won't be calling him today... but I will be thinking about him continuously, and missing him.
Being a father used to be easier.
The boys were all home.
We'd figure out something to do together - often at Mom's direction.
Life moves on...
My oldest is in college. My youngest at camp... Only my middle one is with me...
As we get older, as father's, our role changes.
Our job is to run out in front of our children... to live our own lives and give them their choice of lessons to consider... We live our lives as best as we know how, and let them ignore us, observe us, and to whatever extent they choose to learn from us... from our failures... from our successes.
I think as father's we understand better that our children want independence... they want to be masters of their own universe, and our jobs is to help them without helping them... or at least, without being too obvious.
To the many fathers I know - so very many great ones... Happy Father's Day!
To the many sons and daughters I know - so many who no longer have a father on earth... Happy Father's Day!
To the many amazing mothers I know - who fill in the gaps, make the balance work and love their husbands - Happy Father's Day!
And, most specially, clearest in my heart today, to the father's I know who have lost a child... I know today is in many ways is a sad and lonely day... it doesn't take away all that you were and are... Happy Father's Day...
Keep running out in front... you not only set an example and create lessons for your children, but for all of the young ones who know you... live true and transparently... The lessons of our lives as noticed more than we realize... both our failures and our successes.
Being a father used to be easier.
I've never felt like I had to love my boys...
I've always chosen to love them...
they are a big part of my purpose...
and doing so has been such an amazing joy...
My father deliberately or not, was likely the most influential person in my life. He left me so very many lessons to consider... Watching his life and learning from it, I now realize, was an amazing gift...
I will try to continue to run out in front of my own boys, and thus far have left a trail of failures and a few successes for them to consider... I try to own all of them... and make that a lesson onto itself...
As they pick up their own pace
and start to make a life of their own...
in harmony,
Nestor