It is hard for me to write these days -
too many thoughts conflicting in my mind...
want to be respectful of my son’s privacy (though he is cool with sharing)...
work continues to fight for any and all mindshare not otherwise consumed...
All I can tell you is that I am very much in the moment.
I am accepting of all aspects of my life - all of the wonderful blessings, and the few but so very meaningful challenges.
I have my wants... the things I hope to aim for and achieve... and most importantly the feelings I want to feel and the “way” I’d like for things to work out...
And. I see in so many moments how delicate the line can be between the wanting and the wishing...
I can want my son to feel better -and I can act on things like
staying close to him as he goes through him (and my wife) as he goes through this...
continuing to be the reminding voice of realistic hope that lots of paths are open,
helping him brainstorm things that we can think about and look forward to...
being present with doctors and helping him and us decide on steps forward...
AND,
I have to do that without wishing he wasn’t going through this in the first place,
without wishing I could suffer instead of him,
without wishing I had more control (or even some) of the outcome...
He is amazing - strong, real, stoic, accepting...
I see a powerful harmony in him... and I am grateful for his strength... for his maturity. In awe of him in so many ways...
And, seeing him hurt, as much as I accept it, hurts my heart...
This will be a most meaningful chapter in our lives that will leave us stronger, wiser and closer... as a family and as individuals... I am convinced of that.
For now, we are focused on today...
On doing all that we can to have him feel better... and juggling and finding ways to enjoy other aspects of life that still go on...
We are fortunate in so many ways...
The sun is rising...
Grateful for another beautiful day...
and for the ability to share my thoughts and days
in harmony,
Nestor