I have played
the majority of my life -
not “to win”,
but much more
“NOT TO
LOSE... “
I am not proud of that...
And, that’s not who
I WANT to be.
Hopefully, by now
you know I don’t care all that much
about winning and losing...
but I care about
WHY
and
HOW
I play...
Playing “not to lose” to me,
means playing not to fail...
Or maybe, better yet,
it means,
not playing to my largest self,
to my best self,
to my unbridled self...
It means holding back on things that I deeply believe.
Not playing to win to me,
means not tapping into my most creative self,
not unleashing who I am fully into what I do...
not playing to win means not playing free of fear...
Now, however, I realize if I play not to lose, I am cheating not just myself but all of the people that would “win” along with me...
By “win”, I mean,
experience the world with greater purpose, greater respect, greater joy...
Perhaps, I don’t believe in winning and losing, and I want to refrain wherever possible from “keeping score”...
certainly “versus” other people...
I keep “score” only against myself, the person I used to be, or most often the version of myself that I compare myself against...
I don’t know exactly what it means, but I know what it feels like...
or better, I know what Inwant it to feel like.
I tell people that I fear nothing (except wasting time), and I mean that...
but that is not how I play the game of life...
I play as if I feared losing, or at least taking a step backwards...
I don’t care about winning or losing...
but I care about WHY and HOW I play...
I want to play
not to beat anyone else,
but I want to PLAY life
“to win”
meaning
for FUN,
with JOY,
creatively,
with GRATITUDE,
FREE,
without FEAR of a misstep or a stumble,
without concern for how it will look from the stands...
I want to play
to my best self...
to contribute my very best
for those playing with me...
I don’t want to play
”not to lose”...
because I don’t want to live
wondering...
”is this the best I’ve got”
”What if I had?”
I want to know
deep in my heart
I gave all I had...
“I leapt off the cliff” ...
and
”I
learned
to
fly” ...
in Harmony,
Nestor
ps... for those of you who don’t know... the last two lines reference a poem I wrote in 1999 called “consequence”. The last line goes...
”As I leapt off the cliff,
leaving all of the gold,
I opened my eyes
to look
to be bold.
All based on this dream
that I had long ago,
I believed I could fly,
and to fly,
I let go!”