So, I wrote about “why worry”, but I didn’t really offer an alternative…
And, I know many people struggle with the sense that “worry” is not something they do deliberately, but something they can’t help but feel…
So, what IS the alternative to worry?
If there was a “choice” to “not worry” what would we choose instead?
In my opinion, there are three things that I most often choose in lieu of worry…
ACCEPTANCE
Worry is “wishing” that the threat / risk of something did not exist…
I worry that…
my child is going to get in an accident…
my child is not going to be happy or get what he/she wants…
that I may get fired…
that I will run out of money…
that I will fail…
So, the first step is to verbalize what it is we worry about and accept that it COULD happen! Our children may very well get into an accident, possibly even a serious one, our children may grow up and be unhappy, take on jobs they don’t like, get married and have it not work out… We may get fired (I did once despite my fears)… We may be forced to live within our means, or work beyond the years we desire to work…
And, we will most certainly fail…
ACCEPT IT… those things MAY happen… they MAY… WORRYING about them, won’t make them happen or not happen… it just will steal your peace of mind before they ever possibly do…
ACT: TAKE THE ACTION YOU CAN TAKE
You can only control what you control, but within that space TAKE ACTION to increase the probability of the things you want to happen…
Talk to your children openly about where risks exist. Show them by example how to be responsible.
Engage them in meaningful conversations about joy and grief, about purpose and meaning. Have adult discussions with them about how their lives are their responsibilities - and how you are not responsible for their lives.
Engage your employer about your strengths and weaknesses, about the health of the company. Be actively working to understand your value. Be actively networking to have multiple opportunities available to you. Consider starting your own company. Keep learning and keep yourself relevant and valuable. REALLY LISTEN to what people tell you are your opportunities and be truly committed to improving / developing them!!!
And, don’t expect to be able to CONTROL, PREDICT or FORSEE everything… ACT knowing that you can only control a slice of what occurs in your life… ACT & ACCEPT that you can only do and affect what you can do and affect.. NO MORE & NO LESS…
HAVE FAITH… IN PROBABILITY, IN THE ENERGY OF THE UNIVERSE and IN YOURSELF!
Faith opposes worry… Faith is not “optimism”, it’s not the believe that bad things won’t happen to you, but rather the confidence that WHEN things DO happen, that you will have the strength, the character and the ability to see things through…
I believe in probability… there are probabilities that things will happen, and it’s wasteful not to consider them… It’s unlikely my plane will fall from the sky so “worrying” about it is wasteful energy. It is possible, so I should consider it. And, if it does happen, I have taken action (in the form of a will, and being honest and present with those I love about what they mean to me…) so I accept its possible, I have taken action in the unlikely event that it does, and then I have faith… that based on probability and the benevolent forces in the universe - that it’s not likely to happen…
I know many religious people who worry a lot… and I ask them, where is your faith? Not, “trusting that God won’t let that happen to you”, but “trusting that if that happens to you - perhaps it’s because God wanted it to - and He will give you the strength to see it through”…
I don’t think of “God” in those same terms - but the older I get - I realize I live with faith in a very meaningful way… I have great faith… in the universe and in myself…
Not sure if that was redundant…
Or if that was helpful…
But, I realize that “not worrying” is something we all would “choose” for ourselves if we all saw it truly as a “choice”…
And, by being more specific on the deliberate CHOICES & BEHAVIORS that are the alternative to worry - you may be a little more powerful…
With respect to the concepts of HARMONY…
Worrying is not “ACCEPTING” the “IS”… the real risks and probabilities of things going wrong in life…. not “accepting” that “struggle” and the “risk of struggle” are a part of our life…
Worrying is “WISHING” that things that were happening to you - weren’t, or wishing that the risks that exist in life didn’t exist…
And, not accepting the IS and WISHING things were different - are disharmony.
HARMONY is ACCEPTING the absolute truth of our life - the risks and the potential struggle…
And, ACTING ON OUR WANT in every moment… ACTING… TAKING ACTION to reduce risks - where we control or influence the outcome...
And, HARMONY is living in the moment… not in the “possibility” of future events - but in the now… in the NOW where the things that you are concerned about HAVEN’T HAPPENED YET…
WORRYING is almost always - NOT BEING PRESENT IN THE NOW - but trading the NOW for the scary and unlikely negative future moment that hasn’t yet occurred…
Worrying is wasteful…
Worrying is disharmony…
So, accept that it is a choice…
ACT on the behaviors to choose differently,
BE PRESENT in THIS moment… and be mindful enough to be grateful and joyful in it…
And, live with FAITH & CERTAINTY that you are all incredibly powerful, and that those few scary, unfortunate, sad surprises that are ultimately going to meet you somewhere along your journey… will strengthen you when they do occur… and you will persevere…
Enough of that…
in harmony,
Nestor