Ok… maybe I am a little obsessed with dying…
But, I don’t think so.
I am just mindful that I will die, and being so makes me more aware of living,
and more grateful to be alive!
I heard about a book this past week, that I have heard about before,
“The Top 5 Regrets of The Dying… : A life transformed by the Dearly Departing”
written by Bronnie Ware…
I know you have probably read lots of these “lists” but that doesn’t make them less valuable. And, this one is special. Bronnie, as I understand it, was a nurse and interviewed / observed 1,400+ people die, and then categorized the responses to write this book…
I will read it in the coming weeks - even though the “answer sheet” of the top 5 is shared openly and readily on line. Books like this - I believe there is real value in hearing the full story, the granularity of her observations, and the subtlety of her lessons…
NUMBER 1
1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
This is one that I have been pondering on for YEARS!!! I feel like I am making progress, but it has taken me some time to largely understand what is “TRUE” to me… I still don’t fully know, but I know much more than I once did. I think we all spend our lives trying to understand who WE are… outside of the “who” that we define for ourselves based on our nurturing and the messages, the people, that shape us…
I think most of us spend 80 - 90% of our time figuring out who we truly are and then 10 - 20% of our lives truly being that person…
There are some that figure it out very early in life - those people become masterful and masterfully free at an early age (if they lean into their truth)… or become deeply depressed and lost if they came to understand who they truly are - but stayed playing the role they thought they were supposed to play…
I’d give myself a D+ on this one…. but I’ve done better on recent quizzes… I am hoping the final is not for a while ;-)
2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
I get this one… and I don’t. For me, it’s a little less “wishing I didn’t work as much” all though that is true… Most of the time, I love working, I love the people I work with… I love feeling productive.
For me, it’s more, I wish I made more time for me, that I was more deliberate and disciplined with my schedule to make time for me and those closest to me…
Maybe I am so used to working hard, that the alternative is too foreign to me to truly embrace. I want to work hard, I just want to work LESS and fill my life more with other things…
I would give myself a C- on this one as well… I am passing the class, but I’ve had to stay after class to make up work too often…
3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
On the one hand, I feel very comfortable that I am expressing my feelings pretty freely in life, and more and more as I age… but, I haven’t always expressed my feelings as fully as I should have with those closest to me…
I will give myself a B on this one, a low B, but if the class is graded on a curve, I will score pretty well ;-)
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
Again, mixed feelings on this one. For a while in life, I felt like some friends had a shelf life while others were life-long friends. Now, I feel like all human beings and relationships play a role in our lives at all times, sometimes they remain in our lives, sometimes just in our minds and hearts… but the relationships that shape us, stay with us…
I’ve “kept in touch” with friends, but have I “stayed meaningfully connected” with them? So, it depends what the meaning of this one is…
Social media has certainly made this easier… so there is that…
I will give myself a C+ on this one. I think we will do better on this topic now that the kids are growing up and going to college, but that is part cop out. I am fairly aware of how much better I could be about it - and I also know how closely I hold my friends and how many I stay connected with that feed my heart and soul.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
OUCH - you had to go there ;-) This one hurts to read… because it rings so true… I have had such an amazing, blessed, exciting life… I have seen so many of my dreams come true already…
And, I have struggled with happiness, so much more than was necessary… and in some ways, I still do.
Again, I feel like I have made meaningful progress and have scored better in recents tests - but man… I’ve had to take summer school a few times on this topic, and spent a lot of time and money on extra tutoring… and some people seem to get it so much faster…
I will give myself a C- on this one…
D+, C-, B, C-, C+…
People say I am a hard grader… but this looks alot like my second and third year in college studying Engineering ;-) (Unfortunately, not kidding)…
I don’t think I am a tough grader. I think I am a realistic grader. I think I am a tough teacher, and an incredibly persistent student.
I don’t just want to “get good grades”… I want to be a master at living a “full and meaningful life”… I don’t score myself higher to feel better, I score myself realistically to GET better! It’s what makes that happiness thing a little harder, but it is who I truly am and want to be…
Who knows…
Thought you’d enjoy this list..
I don’t think I am obsessed with dying… I think I am obsessed with living a meaningful life - and deeply committed to getting better at it.
How did you score? You are the student and the teacher…
Only you know your true scores…
Only you know your true objective…
Only you get to celebrate and participate in your full life experience…
Let’s keep learning from each other…
in harmony,
Nestor