The concept of wrong and right is
exhausting,
over simplified,
and destructive.
The sooner you eliminate, or at least willfully temporarily forget those words and those terms…
the BETTER!
I sit in meetings everyday trying to get people away from “wrong” and “right”…
So much energy is wasted,
so much time is lost
battling over, most often, two inferior solutions.
When I think about it,
”Wrong” and “Right”
only exist in mathematics and morality.
And, I would argue in morality it’s arguable - depending on your culture, values and religion.
I do think at a very fundamental…
ground zero level of morality
maybe…
but even there I see a good amount of gray…
”Wrong” and “Right” are not USEFUL because -
they allow for minimal if any exploration…
they are not curious or expansive…
they are presumptuous!
They eliminate any additional learning about the situation at hand, and instead focus the discussion on the opinionated conclusion of two sides.
They fail to explore the richness, the complexity, the uniqueness, the completeness, the fluidity of the situation at hand…
AND
They fail to explore the assumptions and the biases that we as human beings make in the interpretation of those understood “facts” or more often, perceptions…
In business and in personal life
there is NO
right and wrong…
There is a situation typically containing variables… The “IS” of the situation…
There are objectives and desires regarding the situation…
The “WANTS” of the moment…
And then there are DIFFERENT potential solutions!!!
Ok - pay attention here…
Sure - there are “better” and “worse” options among them…
You certainly can separate them based on advantages and disadvantages, probability of success, and even preference…
BUT
the reason they are not “right” or “wrong” is because
a) until you are crystal clear on the objective criteria, those words are subjective
so, so, so often people arguing about right and wrong are in disagreement about the criteria in order to make the decision… based on their respective criteria THEY BOTH THINK THEY ARE RIGHT! And, time is wasted, until you talk about the criteria instead of the “rightness” of your position…
and
b) there are external factors that could make either or any of the possible solutions better or worse.
The selection of “Right” or “Wrong” can often be irrelevant to the outcome due to external factors or missing data…
so why kill ourselves battling over what is often two inferior solutions…?
I was in a contentious meeting just yesterday where my heart and brain hurt from some people’s inability to explore…
and then the final, and so very important point…
the fight for who is Right often damages the bonds between us that are essential for success, for happiness, FOR PROGRESS!
Right and wrong
create
Win - Lose scenarios that I would argue are 90 plus percent of the time…
Lose - Lose scenarios…
In life, it’s so, so much less about the “right” solution, and so very much about a mutually supported path forward!
we face decisions in business and in life constantly… many, many times per day…
fighting for right and wrong
NOT ONLY most often ends up battling over two inferior options,
but drains our energy and leaves scars in the relationship, often leading to divisiveness, disengagement and disfunction!
right and wrong don’t matter to me…
better and less good matter…
inching ever forward toward a
more intelligent,
more effective
solution
that has a higher probability of success…
THAT’S the criteria for the conversation…
And when you approach it that way, gaining alignment is
Soooooooooooooooooooooooooo
much easier!
because in the process of exploration
people are seen and heard
criteria is made transparent
options are considered
alignment based on reason typically flows…
think of where we are as a country right now and tell me with a straight face that the battle for “Right” and “wrong” is serving us?
Its destroying us…
and it destroys businesses
and it destroys relationships…
Im telling you
there is a “better” way…
it’s not the “right” way,
but rather an inspired, enlightened way forward through conversation…
it requires an open mind, and often an open heart…
it requires respect and curiosity…
it requires the humility that we are smarter together..
it requires the willingness to win together…
it requires appreciating and embracing the subtlety of the complexity of every situation…
it requires realizing that our relationship is more valuable than almost any single decision…
and it requires
eliminating the concept
and even the words
”Wrong”
and
”Right”
from your vocabulary…
Try it…
Live it!
in harmony,
Nestor