Where does ambition go as we age…?
Where does ambition go as we check of the boxes we created for ourselves… or didn’t…
Maybe it’s not even ambition that I am talking about, but rather simply growing older.
And, I know aging alone does not have the same affect on all of us.
I feel unusually aware of time passing…
I notice the subtlety of the elasticity of my own skin relaxing…
I know it’s not because I care less… but rather because I understand that in most instances it matters less that I care.
And, ironically, I also understand that what I care about matters more… at least to me.
I see so my many contemporaries - friends and family that I have known all of my conscious life… who look like people whom decades ago I would have defined as “old” ;-) And, I realize that I am no exception.
I amuse myself thinking about how different it feels to grow older and to be transitioning…
More accurately, transitioning or translating my purpose from the one I generally understood as an ambitious young man and a somewhat ambitious adult… to whatever it is you’d call me now…
We are one year away from having no “monkey’s” left at home…
That drive to become the head of a company, build an organization, grow a company, sell a company… I’ve loved the experience and been fortunate to have a real hand in navigating that trajectory…
So, here I am translating for myself as I tend to do… to better understand life… writing and sharing and seeing what insights or conclusions that produces…
I am at peace with all that surrounds me… in a way that I have never been.
For the moment, at least, I am not exactly sure if I don’t “want” for anything different in my life, or I am not sure what to “want” for next…
Hence my exploration of my own ambition…
If I define “inspiration” as “the belief that better is possible”… I remain as inspired as ever. And, “ambition” I define as “the drive to make better possible”…
Ambition doesn’t have to be self-serving… and perhaps that causes me pause because to date my ambition has been very self-serving.
Sure - I’ve sincerely tried to do what I’ve done in great consideration and thoughtfulness of others - but the driving force has largely been my own interest.
There is a part of me that wants to serve others as a primary concern. There is a part of me that believes that is already my primary concern. I care about people immensely and deeply… possibly an equal concern… But, in my heart of hearts, I know…
What is different about this recent exploration is that I feel less urgency than I have in the past to reach clarity… in part I think it is because I am enjoying what feels like floating along some body of water and not feeling great consequence from paddling hard in any one direction…
I feel clearly that now is not the time to paddle hard… Now is a time to breathe and watch the awesome world around me, sure making slight corrections here and there… but just enjoying the ride and the direction being set by the wind, and possibly slightly by the direction of decades of paddling…
In my own exploration, I am forced to accept how small I am… how average I am… And I realize that accepting that fully that requires me to be bigger than average at reducing my own ego.
I understand “greatness” objectively and the fact that like so many other concepts, it has many dimensions…
And, I am grateful that in a few of those dimensions I have great gifts…
I have been studying “greatness” for a long time. I have read about it endlessly and been fortunate to experience it in others. I know that “greatness” as defined by human beings requires a rare combination of extraordinary gift with extraordinary commitment … and I am not extraordinary.
I don’t say that in a self-deprecating way. I say it in an objective and observing way… I would go as far as to say that I have been blessed with some extraordinary gifts, but that I have not in my life demonstrated extraordinary commitment…
The concept of harmony has extraordinary potential… but it requires a different level of commitment to make it great.
My exploration of business leadership, and my understanding of the humanity that it requires, has extraordinary potential… but it requires a different level of commitment to make it great.
My biological clock is ticking. I have invested the past 40 years at learning about human beings and about business… And, there are a few decades to push it further… maybe.
And hence, “ambition…”
How much drive do I have to really have now to achieve “better”?
And, importantly, what is the specific “better” that inspires me now?
I am not sure…
but, I am enjoying this more mature, measured, and patient process of discovery…
I am deeply grateful for it…
I am hearing that beautiful silence that is possible to experience when you stop paddling…
and while I haven’t stopped paddling in terms of everyday work…
I have stopped paddling as hard in my own mind… you may even call it “flow”.
I know better is possible…
and perhaps,
I am pausing on the realization and the gratitude that better is optional…
and life is,
in and of itself,
and even in it’s average experience…,
extra-
ordinary!
in harmony,
Nestor