I don’t know where it came from, but I used to expect to change the world and achieve massive wealth. The thought of both of those are still very exciting, and honestly, feel highly unlikely.
I don’t know why in my early 20s and 30s I had the expectation that my impact needed to be of global scale.
How did this show up?
I was uninterested in working on small projects in a small geography.
I loved working in China, and feeling like I was on a “new” frontier for Procter and Gamble.
It felt deeply satisfying that I had seen so much of the world (South America, North America, Europe, Asia).
I didn’t want to just be in engineering. I wanted to be in Marketing. Then, I didn’t want to be in Marketing, I wanted to be in general management. I wanted to have global control with a global company and make global impact.
When we first had our sons, I was mesmerized and loved them as any dad does, but it seemed like such a domestic ambition. The thought that I could change the world by creating 3 lives seemed ridiculous. I needed to change the world directly.
Again, I don’t know where that expectation or ambition came from. I have never been an “idea” guy. I have not been a risk taker. So, if I am not the idea guy, and I am not a big risk taker, how can I possibly change the world?
Doesn’t matter, I still expected to…
It felt good to dream about it. I loved P&G because it felt big enough to make a real impact, but I was such a small pawn on that board.
The problem was that so much of the time, I was in real disharmony. I was outside of the wish/want circle. I wished that I had more money. I wished that I was the idea guy and the risk taker. I wished that I had better connections. I wished a lot of things… and felt wholly unprepared and incapable. So much of what I was – was simply a DEFICIENCY against my goals.
But, my goals where really big. And, I was comparing my “life to date” against my expected “dream” and feeling the weight of the gap.
This is one of the feelings that led me to realize that I had to find my satisfaction and happiness from my reality, yet continue to get my initiative and my drive from my ambition and my dreams.
That made sense to me. You can’t get your happiness from the same place you get your ambition – because you will never be happy. That made sense.
So now, life and ambition and dreams feel COMPLETELY different.
Somehow, I am now completely comfortable with the concept that my only contribution to the world may be three caring, mindful, responsible, intelligent and rational men.
REALLY… is that enough of a contribution? If at the end of my life, whenever that may be, that is all I have done, despite my efforts to accomplish more… I will die happy.
If I have to work until the day I die, and I can only live in my current home, and never buy a beach home, or another home… is that enough success? If at the end of my life, whenever that may be, that is all I have accomplished, despite my efforts to accomplish more… I will die happy.
You see, I have now reframed my perspective and as a result, my whole outlook, and my life.
The thinking of HARMONY has brought two ideas…
- I can only impact the moment… it is the ONLY thing that matters.
- I must anchor each moment in gratitude, in the acknowledgement of the absolute truth…
- I must live my life, moment by moment, anchored in gratitude… pushing into my want and accept the result until the next moment when I get to try again.
The day I die, I am done trying ;-)
So, I still want to change the world, and I am still going to try to do it in some way… but I will focus on the moment.
I have come to understand that the life is like a massive nuclear reaction. That every person in every moment, when they bump and interact with another person in that moment create a reaction between atoms.
Every company, every family, every country… the “reactions” happen between human interactions in every moment and they create these localized reactions….
The reactions within a company create the culture of the company…
I believe that we are all “connected” through our moments.
So, if someone helps me today, and helps me to understand something differently. I will tomorrow apply that knowledge in someway and impact something else.
I have many examples of situations – my current role at EMG being one of them.
All of our moments are connected, and we are connected throughout time.
The fact that I am sitting in my family room writing this email on my Apple computer… ties all the way back to the moment that made my parents decide to immigrate to the United States… ties back to the moment my father decided to pursue my mother and convince her to marry him… ties back through time to decisions, lessons, mistakes, failures, efforts… of countless moments. It’s all connected.
This is part of the reason that I love facebook. I think it allows us to connect more efficiently and deliberately.
This is why I write, because I think it makes emotion and thoughts linger.
I love the concept that a worthwhile and wise concept captured in words, gets the opportunity to impact more people than just the person who conceived it, and more time than just the second that it was conceived.
I digress…
So, I don’t know what my ultimate impact on the world will be… and I DON’T CARE.
Really? Did I just say that out loud?
It’s true.
I don’t care because I can’t control that.
I CARE WITH ALL THAT I AM WHAT MY IMPACT ON THE WORLD WILL BE IN THIS VERY MOMENT…
AND IN THIS ONE…
AND THIS ONE ALSO…
AND THIS ONE TOO…
I can only impact RIGHT NOW… Am I choosing my right now as intelligently as I can?
Sure, I would like for my impact over time to build on itself, to matter… I would like it… but I can’t control the future in any way… I can only control the now.
Is it nomenclature only or is it a material philosophical difference.
I don’t care about the future versus I accept my inability to control the outcome fully.
Is it a cop out, no longer to hold myself accountable to change the world over time?
Changing the world… that is pretty ambitious.
When I initially expected to change the world… I wanted to change the reality for a huge number of people.
Today, I am deeply satisfied if in given moments I am able to change a SINGLE person’s life for the better… for a moment.
Because:
1. It’s all I can affect.
2. Because its all connected, and if I can change a moment for the better… that moment may slowly change the world…
Is it a cop out?
I think the difference is that my initial ambition came from external sources, and my current ambition comes from within...
I am more focused than ever on what I do at work, and how I can have a positive impact on the 400+ people that work at EMG and NVT.
I am more committed than ever to helping my boys find their gift, find their passion, and giving them the tools and the impetus to want to change the world around them… moment by moment.
I am more committed than ever to being self aware and to take advantage of every moment to make myself a little bit smarter, a little bit more selfless, a little more mindful…
I am happier than ever… because I start every moment grateful to be alive, grateful to have the opportunity to try again, grateful for living in the United States, grateful for knowing that I am loved, grateful for my curiosity and my ability to question.
So, by not expecting to change the world, by not holding myself accountable to live my life by the ocean… while still looking to those things as desires…. And possibly even goals…
I don’t care if I ever achieve them… though I would love to experience them…
All I can do, is show up in this very next moment grateful for all that I am, and push myself into this next moment… to create a better strategy for EMG, to better align the executive team at EMG, to stay healthy and strong by exercising… etc… to move in the very near direction of my wants… toward my long term dreams.
Is it a cop out to now feel that I would be satisfied if I failed miserably as long as I tried my best?
I don’t know…
I don’t care…
cop OUT or NOT…
I am convinced rationally and completely… that will only live once… and I have no intent of spending this one life wishing I had been someone else, wishing I had achieved something else, wishing in any way that I hadn’t lived it the way that I did…
And, I am also convinced rationally and completely… that the highest probability of success … the greatest possible chance that I have at creating the world… is by focusing on this moment… one moment at a time.
cop OUT or NOT
I see NO advantage… to looking at life any other way.
Is it a deficiency or an opportunity?
Does it matter as long as you are moving most effectively in the direction of the goal?
Does it matter as long as you are moving most effectively in the direction of happiness?
cop OUT is not giving it your very best in every moment
cop OUT is not embracing your absolute truth (even if you really know it)
cop OUT is blaming others for your inabilities or failure
I blame no one but me. I hold no one accountable but me.
Accountable for this moment…
To show up with all that I am…
And embrace the absolute truth of all that is…
And give my absolute very best to move it in the direction of my want… my passion… my dreams…
And, succeed or fail… in the next moment to show up and do it again…
That is the only thing I hold myself accountable for…
And, I believe sincerely, that is very much my very best attempt to change the world.
Yours in the pursuit of harmony,
Nestor Benavides