I found this letter that I wrote to a group of fellow CEOs a year and a half ago trying to explain the concept...
It revisits alot of core ideas... but explains them in some slightly different terms...
Subject: Thank you and a little follow up...
Folks:
Thank you for the opportunity to share my philosophy of life on Wednesday, and for your warm, candid and insightful comments.
I often question whether it is an original thought worth sharing, or whether it is the same thing everyone has already heard many times. Regardless, it crosses my mind hundreds if not thousands of times daily, and I enjoy sharing it and making it clearer.
Toward the end of our conversation on Wednesday, the gist of the discussion seemed to be boiling down to "know who you are, and expand from there". That is certainly one aspect of my thoughts, but I don't think it really captures the essence of it.
Vadim asked me some great questions, at the end of the day Wednesday. He said, if it was one sentence, what would it be? If it was one paragraph, what would it be? I had not thought about it quite that way, but I should. It needs to get that simple.
While this is not fully cooked in any way, in fact by definition, it will be in the process of being cooked forever…
The gist of my thoughts are this:
Harmony is achieved intentionally in our lives and in our businesses by being mindful or each and every moment.
Harmony is achieved by choosing in each moment to embrace and acknowledge actively and with great sincerity and clarity the real value and the unique gifts of the people and the situation.
Harmony is achieved by actively expanding each and every moment in the direction of our aspirations, our vision, and our dreams.
Perhaps this confuses things more than helps, but my passion is not about knowing yourself, thought that is a part. I have a passion for harmony. I believe that when lives are in harmony, you can feel it, you can sense it, just like when you listen to a great piece of music, or see a great piece of art. Harmony is active. It requires movement. It is achieved in every moment, and over time, and it can be lost in an instant. Harmony happens when you acknowledge everything in the moment, and you find the next step that builds and plays elegantly on the one before. Harmony requires compromise, you can't play whatever note you feel like playing next… you must play the note that fits, the note that needs to be heard, the note that builds on the note before.
I was thinking yesterday that we tend to think of life and business more as a race with many finish lines. We are encouraged to set goals constantly. And, I get that. But, I would say, setting a vision and a direction is so much more important than setting goals. Setting a vision and constantly moving towards it, unless you are a public company, creates harmony and success and peace of mind. I see life more as a poem full of great verses, than as race full of finish lines. And, sure, goals help you define a pace, but they are not the end in and of themselves. Think of it this way… who cares what sales and profit where for last year? Don't we care much more about what the sales trend is over last 4 quarters and what we expect it to be this quarter?
When we hold up conversations that need to be had, when we choose not to say things that are frustrating us, when we withhold data from our teams, when we pretend in any way that what IS, ISN'T, we are failing to embrace the moment, and we are building up distrust, and hesitation, and we start to create disharmony, and we start to feel it. And, others start to feel it. Harmony begets harmony, and disharmony begets disharmony. The longer you go pretending things are what they are not, the longer you go not addressing business issues that really should be addressed, dealing with situations that need to be addressed… you start creating and feeling disharmony. When you feel like you don't want to wake up, or when you don't want to talk to someone, or when you don't want to deal with something…. Those are massive and clear signs of disharmony… and those are moments that you have to act on and address immediately.
If you choose to be passionately committed to harmony in life and in business, you deal constantly with difficult situations as quickly as you can, embracing the gifts of all that is there in every moment, not because its easy, but because it allows for the best possible outcome, and for peace of mind. Along the way we will occasionally terminate people, or get rid of vendors or have to stop efforts and initiatives that need to be stopped – but if we approach each of those moments by fully valuing all that they bring to us first, we are able to come to conclusions more elegantly, and so often with great consensus. When someone has to be terminated, you can so often help them come to that conclusion, or at least feel very comfortable that you sincerely gave them every opportunity. You cannot feel like you gave them every opportunity, unless you engaged in the discussion believing in their gifts. The question then becomes, are their gifts adequately suited for the role.
I think this whole conversation about fight or flight is flawed. Science also teaches us that we are constantly, as people, looking for validation of our worth. We need it, as much, or more than we need our next meal. That being the case, both fight or flight when it comes to situations with people questions worth. It says that our minds will look to either FIGHT or LEAVE, neither of which instill confidence or give life. I have read, and very much believe, that also in our brains, when faced with a situation, we can choose to EMBRACE. Fight, flight or embrace. Imagine, if in every situation, we conditioned ourselves – to embrace first. Embrace first the people that are in the moment… acknowledge them for their effort and their intent… acknowledge the business for the core competency that it has… see what is right in the moment, before looking for what is not…
It starts to change everything…
You can achieve "success" without achieving harmony, but you can't achieve happiness without harmony, you can't achieve peace of mind without harmony… you can't create an environment around you that people gravitate to without harmony…
I see no correlation between wealth and happiness… but I see a great correlation between people who live their lives consciously or subconsciously achieving harmony and people who live in peace and happy…
Be passionate about harmony, be conscious of each and every moment… and you will feel gratitude… and you will be energized… and finish lines will come and go… and you will smile deeply because they won't matter… because you'll know better… you'll be winning and celebrating each and every moment along the way.
THANKS – and let me know, does this make it clearer, or does this confuse it further?
Yours in harmony,
Nestor