Do you remember when you were a kid?
It wasn’t THAT long ago.
Do you remember when you still believed that anything was possible?
When the opportunity ahead was AWESOME!
I remember how much I loved going to Peru. In addition to visiting my family, and feeling like I was “home”, we used to sit around with my cousins and laugh, and dream, and talk about the lives that we would lead…
I was thinking as I was back there a few weeks ago, how the visits had changed.
When did “opportunity” get replaced by “responsibility”?
We used to get the whole family together. We used to go to dinner every night. Every night was a celebration. There were no kids. We were the kids. There were no serious jobs. We were the kids. There were no marital troubles. We were kids. There were no issues with our parents. We didn’t know better.
Of course, its normal, as we “grow up” that we accept and embrace our “responsibilities”.
Being responsible is part of it all. It’s what we wanted in many ways. It’s what we dreamt of…
We dreamt of having kids.
We dreamt of having big jobs.
We dreamt of creating companies.
We dreamt of travel and being adults.
And, now we are.
But, somewhere along the line, for many (and I would say “most” adults)…
Responsibility doesn’t just come into play…
It takes over virtually all “opportunity” and “celebration”.
I see it in family, friends, and colleagues. Everything gets harder. Things get more negative.
I see so many people living their lives as if they have played their hand, and now they are just going through the motions.
They picked their career.
They picked their spouse.
They had their kids.
They now have the job they don’t love – and are stressed of losing.
They picked their spouse, and nobody is perfect.
They have their kids, and their kids are demanding, and add to the stress.
I see so many people navigating toward old age carrying this massive weight of responsibility that makes it hard for them to breathe, and impossible for them to enjoy.
Why does that happen?
Does it have to?
How do we stop it, reverse it, or at least balance it?
I think it happens because for some reason, many people stop believing that better days are possible. Most people shift into this mindset that the best is past, that dreams did not come to be exactly as they expected, and the gravity of every day pulls them along and leaves no room for joy, dreams, possibility, or opportunity.
I think maybe it happens, because we think that as adults, we are supposed to be responsible, and “dreaming” is in some way irresponsible. On the one hand, we start to take our selves to seriously, and on the other hand, we start to believe that we don’t have enough to celebrate… It’s all forms of disharmony.
We start spending “moments” WISHING we had chosen differently, or that we didn’t have the responsibilities that we have. We start spending moments wishing our job, our schedule was different.
I think this happens not just in the “absolute” but in “micro” moments.
The people that remain my closest friends… my gumbas… my confidants… They still dream. I still dream and believe that my “opportunity” has never been bigger.
Sure, I am older.
And, the truth is that I have now spent more than 23 years of my professional life.
TRUE DAT!
Do I wish that I had made bigger decisions sooner?
I used to wish that.
I don’t anymore – because it amounts to nothing.
I have evolved as quickly as I have been able to evolve. I have learned at whatever pace I have learned. The past is history. I can’t change it. So, I no longer wish for any different past.
It’s been what it’s been… and there have been SO MANY GREAT things about it!!!
And, now I get to dream and apply all that I have learned to the future.
My dearest friends… we still get together and celebrate and dream. It ain’t over. It’s FAR from over. I believe this is where it JUST starts to get interesting.
I have more “responsibilities” than ever. My boys are growing up. My oldest will be going to college next year. My parents need me more than ever. I am attempting to lead one company (still made up of 3 companies). And, I am enjoying it the vast majority of the time.
For me, “responsibility” doesn’t have to take all the space of “opportunity” or of celebration or joy.
I don’t live FOR my “responsibilities”. I live WITH my “responsibilities”. I live WORKING ON “my responsibilities”. But, not for them.
In order to create moments, relationships and a life of “harmony” there must be ENERGY from our truth TOWARD what we want. There must be “hope” and “opportunity” for something more… something that we are constructing.
I really think this is at the heart of what can make marriage as a concept so challenging, or at times key relationships at work.
They get burdened down with responsibility… we leave no room in the relationships for “opportunity”… we give them no time for “celebration”.
We are consumed by trying to live in the “truth” of the responsibility that it now represents.
I really don’t think it takes “MORE” energy to believe in “opportunity”, and to “celebrate”.
We have to get through the day anyway. Why not focus and align our energy in the direction of harmony?
It also brings in the concept of AND vs OR. For some reason, we start to define ourselves as adults as the type that “is responsible”, or “isn’t responsible”… and being joyful and into celebrations and dreaming for whatever reason falls into the ‘non-responsible bucket”.
I really think this is a good example of where AND can work. We can be responsible AND we can be opportunistic and impulsive and silly and fun and lose ourselves in some moments without being responsible at all.
Responsibilities are real.
And, being responsible is fun and should fill us with pride.
Providing for our families is a great source of satisfaction.
Sure, most of us want to achieve a greater success of financial prowess… that’s good, but that should not take away from the fact that we are virtually all succeeding at that.
I have a dear friend that is very afraid of losing his job.
He is not giving himself any credit for the AMAZING job that he has done keeping his family running through the past 8 years – while trying to create a great concept and being entrepreneurial…
I get the fear. It’s rational and warranted… but, it shouldn’t take all of the pride that he should feel at having thrived and made it work this long… because its that same source of price (gratitude and confidence in his absolute truth) that will help him and energize him and inspire him to find new solutions to the possibility of being terminated.
The truth is – IF he is going to be terminated – he needs to be in his most possible, and solution seeking self. Being grateful and confident is a better place to find solutions than being depressed and fearful. Not that its unwarranted to be down – but it just wont help.
I am not sure this conversation evolved as I expected it to…
I don’t know if “opportunity” is really the “alternative” to “responsibility”. Maybe there is a better “word” or “concept”.
But, I am convinced that whatever we call it… responsibility takes over our lives in a negative way, for many of us, as we “grow up”. And, it really doesn’t have to.
It comes down to this…
ARE YOU HAPPY? Are you truly happy?
ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO TOMORROW? TO NEXT YEAR?
Because you deserve to BE happy, and why not BE LOOKING forward to tomorrow?
Those two things are actually related.
Being “happy” is in many cases is simply “looking forward to things” versus being “unhappy” is dreading the things that lay ahead.
Don’t let adulthood take away your ability to dream.
As an adult, you get to dream and be even wiser about making dreams come true!
As an adult, you get to celebrate and own when and how you celebrate.
As an adult, you get to have responsibilities and its part of being a successful and competent and independent adult.
It “comes” with the territory… but it doesn’t have to own the territory, it doesn’t have to consume the territory.
Leave some time. Leave some space. Leave some possibility… for a better tomorrow, for a happier tomorrow…
And, in those relationships closest to you… leave space and time for moments free of responsibility… moments where you can just be grateful, and loving, and silly, and fun…
As a kid, we used to talk non-stop and wait anxiously with my friends and cousins about how “cool” it would be to grow up…
I love being a grown up... And, I continue to believe that its WAY cooler than being a kid…
As an adult, you have the liberty to be both…
As long as you do it responsibly ;-)
HA!
Anything remains possible...
Have a great week!
Yours in harmony,
Nestor