Navigating Issues (Part 2 of 3) – SPACE & TIME
So, thanks for tuning in to the 2nd of a 3 part series ;-)
Ha, sounds so formal!
“Navigating issues” is such a universal and important topic. It’s something that we all do literally tens or hundreds of times a day, possibly thousands.
So, the first part was about being mindful of not creating two islands.
The second…
2. SPACE AND TIME
I notice that we want people to agree to our direction when WE want them to agree.
We often set the meeting, we love our island, and we are ready to convince them to come ashore.
BUT, we are we, and they are they.
I have mentioned the quote, “We can’t teach anyone anything. We can only expose people to ideas and they decide which one to embrace” by some unknown author.
I love that quote… because it is so very true.
You can’t CONVINCE anyone of anything. Ultimately, they have to decide for themselves, and they get to decide WHEN they want to decide and HOW much time they want to take to decide.
I realize the work can’t work on everyone else’s timeline, but it also won’t work on yours alone.
I have so many things that I would like to have our executive team embrace, but we are not ready as a team. We are not mature enough in some cases. Our trust level is not high enough in some cases. We are not ready to get that emotional.
Sometimes I am wrong, but I am always considering, “IS THE PERSON / ARE THE PEOPLE that I am working with, living with ready to explore or consider this issue / decision.” So very often they are not.
And, you have two options…
1. Go ahead and try to have the conversation and good luck. Sometimes you may get to a good conclusion. Often, specially with more serious issues you will either get resentful buy in or disagreement.
2. Wait… I know its hard but wait. Wait until the person is in a better state of mind, or more prepared to deal with that conversation. This is a good approach, but frustrating to you because in many cases you want to move the relationship / business forward. And, you must be respectful, that it must move forward at a pace that it can handle.
3. Have the right FIRST conversation! What conversation can you have to get you closer to the bigger conversation? Obviously it depends on the topic.
- If its about wanting to create a deliberate company culture, maybe the first conversation is sharing issues that you are seeing as a company, or maybe its about talking about the importance of having values, or maybe its about exploring other companies and what works for them.
- If its about someone’s unsatisfactory performance maybe the first conversation is about how they are doing and feeling about the role and their success.
- If its about someone’s lack of motivation maybe the first conversation just sharing moments in your life when your lack of motivation has hurt you or pointing out people that you see happy as a result of their motivation.
So very often, I see people wanting to go for the knock out punch. They want to get to the end point. They want to agree on the key strategy, on the companies values, or more tactically on who to hire, or on who to fire, or on getting certain performance behaviors developed. When, there is a need to have that conversation in a couple of parts.
Some will say, that is inefficient. Perhaps, but I would argue that we OFTEN have more time for those conversations then we realize.
Dividing a conversation into sub parts that can be discussed and agreed to, is so much more productive than having conversations that end in disagreements and inaction over and over again.
Don’t tell me this doesn’t happen to you?
How many problems at work have you been having for extended periods, despite numerous conversations.
How many issues do we have at home that don’t get better despite on going conversations.
BE CAREFUL… small deliberate progress does not mean no progress. Maybe its not progress to your pace, but who says your pace is right?
I get that some decisions cannot wait. You have to be the judge of that. Clear accountability in business AND at home help.
Making fast decisions is an essential part of business success. Clear accountability helps people own specific decisions and make them with maximum efficiency. This is why agreeing on the HARD stuff matters! What do you own? What do I own? What is our culture? How will we handle disagreements? What is the budget? What are we going to do and not going to do?
Then within the confines of those decisions / of that strategy – people go execute quickly and efficiently.
But, those overall decisions of strategy, of value, of direction, of budgeting… they need to be made, and those require alignment.
At home, there are decisions that can be made quickly, “what do you want for lunch”… and slow ones “who do you want to be when you grow up?”
I know many adults that still don’t know who they really want to be when they grow up. We can’t expect our kids to know all of their values clearly, to sense their own motivation, to find their confidence and their happiness… when we want them to…
As parents, we so want them to grow up on our timeline, and we must respect that they will grow up on theirs.
We need to push them… or more accurately, we need to SUPPORT them, LIFT them, EXPOSE them, LOVE them… and help them find their wings.
This image comes to mind of poking a bird off a cliff… poke, poke, poke, until the bird either flies away and possibly never comes back or falls and hurts itself.
I like the image of holding them out in our hands, extended, feeling our warmth and protection and encouraging them to fly… they flutter their wings a lot…. They bite at our fingers… and eventually they take flight and we slowly move our hands away.
At work, at home, and possibly even in our own minds… it takes us time and we need space to consider our options.
I want my colleagues and my children to “come to my island”. I feel very confident about what I have figured out, that out of concern and love for them, I want them to get here QUICKLY.
But, it took me 47 years to build my island… and it makes sense to me.
For me to help my company and my family succeed, I need to embrace that we wont succeed on my island… we must find OUR island.
Each individual that is a part of my life will OWN their own success, happiness, motivation and values.
And, like it or not, success for a business or a family requires alignment, which requires respect… which shows up so very often as giving people
The SPACE and TIME to consider and explore the issues and the possible decisions that need to be made.
We don’t always have the luxury of space and time, but for the most important decisions – WE CAN’T AFFORD not to get people on the same page, and thus there is no option but to smartly leverage space and time to help them get aligned.
It’s not always possible. We can’t always make decisions when others are ready to make them, but we also can’t always make decisions just because we are ready to.
Consider how much space and time you are giving those around you, on the important decisions.
Consider whether people are ready for the conversations that you really want to have… and if they are not, be careful.
Think about what the first conversations can be, to help people get more ready for the bigger decisions.
And, be mindful of space and time…
Yours in harmony,
Nestor