I knew this trip was coming.
In theory, I was supposed to be happy about it. But, I wasn’t.
I struggled to even write the email to tell my colleagues about my trip. “I will be out out starting next Tuesday through the following Monday”.
Ugh… I feel guilty.
I know people think its noble that I am going to check-in with my parents. My mom moved into a home almost 6 weeks ago, and my father is sad and lonely.
BUT, this is my third visit to see them this year!
And, as much as I think people feel its noble, I think they also may feel like its excessive. Or, perhaps, they feel like I am neglecting my work at the company.
Why do I care? I don’t know… but I do.
So… is it excessive, am I neglecting my work?
Is there any real answer to these questions or is it all a matter of perspective?
Oh… yeah… AND, I am dropping my son off in Peru to work with my cousin for the Summer.
Yes, I know, it’s a great opportunity.
Yes, I am proud of him… VERY PROUD.
So, when Susy asked me last week, “Are you excited for your trip?” I answered, “NO”. And, I sincerely wasn’t.
What was on my mind?
Disharmony…
DAMN that disharmony…
I wish I didn’t have to go.
(There is that “wish” word again…)
I wish I didn’t have to miss the big meeting on Tuesday.
I wish I didn’t have to feel guilty about leaving work.
I wish I didn’t have to feel guilty about leaving the family…
BLAH, BLAH, BLAH…
I HATE disharmony!
One MOMENT…
ENOUGH…
What about the absolute truth?
Is it not TRUE, and am I not GRATEFUL that
- I have the means to be able to afford making a third trip this year to help my parents in this very tricky and difficult time for them?
- I have a partner and a company that is beyond supportive of anything that has to do with being there for my family?
- My mother has found a place where she is happy, and I get to see it first hand?
- I can help my father feel like he is not alone in this world, but has someone who is looking out for him?
- I have a son who has the initiative to want to go to Peru for the Summer to learn better Spanish, get a great work experience, and spend an extended period with his extended family?
- I have a wife who has planned the whole trip for us? And, I have two other sons that are supportive and happy for their brother.
- I get to spend 5 days with my oldest son, likely filled with great conversation and very unusual and precious one on one time?
What part of this isn’t true? Where does the disharmony come from?
It comes from wishing that maybe my parents weren’t getting old… or that they didn’t need me as much as they do. Or, maybe wishing that my contribution at work was greater, or WHATEVER!
Can I truly control either of those?
Could ANYTHING positive come from WISHING that the absolute truth WASN’T the absolute truth?
HECK NO!
So, why stay there. All of it is real. All of it is true.
Harmony comes from CHOOSING deliberately to anchor in the total truth and make it into what you want…
I want to be a good son.
I want to know that I did all that I could to help my parents feel supported and loved.
I want my son to explore the world, and to know that his father will deliver him into great opportunities.
I want my children to know that their father can and does put family first.
I want to see my mother and father and help them through this.
And, I am very happy to get away… with my oldest.
Crazy enough – EVEN from a standpoint of effectiveness at work… THIS IS WORTHWHILE!
Getting away from work for a few days, always helps me see things more clearly. It helps me prioritize. It helps me strategize. It makes me more effective and valuable to my company.
So, why again did I feel this disharmony last week?
Ungrateful…
REFRAME your LIFE – MOMENT by MOMENT…
We are human… we fall away from harmony, gratitude, happiness…
But, we are human and we have the capacity to be deliberate and mindful,
AND, that is ALL we need!
There is no wrong or right answer to most of the questions that we ask ourselves.
There is no reason to stay in disharmony.
DAMN the DISHARMONY… or better yet DISARM the disharmony by reaching into the truth of the moment and find the gratitude.
REFRAME your moment… REFRAME your life…
I am happy to be with my son on this airplane tonight.
I sincerely and thoroughly am.
I feel his gratitude and his excitement and his anticipation…
I feel his love – strong, gentle and certain.
I wouldn’t trade this moment or this trip for the world.
That’s harmony for YOU.
That’s harmony… for ME.
Yours – right IN IT!
Nestor