There is NO STATUS QUO …
Say these words out loud to yourself…
There is NO STATUS QUO …
What does that mean, “status quo”?
I remember a very dear and special friend in college saying to me often, “You have such a healthy dissatisfaction with the status quo!”
I really didn’t even know what “status quo” meant.
I now know…
“Status Quo” – my definition – the state of the world, your life, your company, your self, your relationships without deliberate intent…
The “official” definition from Merriam Webster is “The current state of affairs”… AND in synonyms they actually have the word HARMONY…
NOOOOOO!
Just because it has a definition doesn’t mean it really exists!
As human beings we don’t “do” status quo. We inherently want or wish for things. And, those few and those naïve enough to think, “I just don’t want things to ever change.” Are relinquishing their very ability to improve upon what they have.
Time changes us, evolves us… if we are awake.
And for those few who truly don’t evolve… the rest of the world evolves around them thus changing the dynamics of their reality.
This whole idea this morning hit me relative to marriage. I believe there is something fundamentally wrong with the institution of “marriage”. Too many relationships end up either breaking up, or simply unhappy.
The simple answer for me tends to be, “We end up taking each other for granted. That is human nature… our default is not to be grateful enough for our blessings. This is why its so important to be deliberate about our gratitude.”
GRATITUDE is HUGE in all success because gratitude inherently acknowledges the best of our truth… and gives us the positive energy that helps us construct from there.
But, I don’t think we can simply “keep reminding ourselves to be grateful, and to not take each other for granted.”
We must deliberately INVEST in the relationships that we want to THRIVE.
We can wish they didn’t require investment, but that would be disharmony… and that would be naïve.
When we stop working toward something… we lose our purpose.
When we stop working toward something… we lose our gratitude.
When we stop working toward something… we lose our energy.
When we stop working toward something… external forces work away from it…
When we get married, we have visions of what we hope to achieve, the relationship that we hope to build. As time goes on, some of that relationship comes to life, and some does not. Nothing is perfect. And, we shouldn't expect anything to be perfect.
Things can be wonderful, satisfying, inspiring and life long without being perfect...
I think very often, we take the parts that work for granted, and we give up on the parts that don’t.
And, this is why there is no status quo. The parts that didn't come to life slowly grow. We take the parts that work for granted, and the parts that didn't pan out slowly create separation... either physically or emotionally. WITHOUT GRATITUDE, THE ONLY FORCE THAT IS LEFT BEHIND TO IMPACT THE RELATIONSHIP IS A DISTANCING ONE.
That is when the decay starts and continues…
We start investing in OTHER things… our kids, our home, our work, our health, our friends…
And, we somehow naively expect that our key relationship, without new investment... is going to stay strong (despite the realities of troubled relationships that exist all around us).
This is why we must re-invest. We must double down. We must come up with new investment goals and continue to introduce new and positive "force" (i.e. possibilities, purpose, energy) into our key relationships.
Why doesn't this happen with friends? Why can we see friends after years of not seeing each other and often experience no decay?
I think the answer is pretty simple... we never set the bar as high in those relationships. There are seldom "unmet" needs with friends that create distance. With friends we get multiple... so we are ok if one friend is the one we party with, and one friend is the one we work out with, and one friend is the one we get spiritual with... the ability to have many reduces the expectations of any single one...
With our spouse... we put all of our expectations on them... on one single person.
There is no status quo.
Our relationship at home is essential to our deepest success and happiness.
We get what we invest in…
When we are making an investment, it forces us to consider and thus have a purpose.
When we are making an investment, it engages us in the “asset” / in this case the “relationship”.
When we are making an investment, it gives us energy…
We are more likely to acknowledge our gains, and take pride in them, and celebrate them…
There is no status quo…
You get what you invest in…
Everything is in a state of growth or decay…
Our relationships at home are the most important and the most difficult. We are most vulnerable with our spouse.
Think about all the greatness and blessings in your life… and think of how many are due to the person that shares your bed…
It is so important to have “investment goals” and we must work to make them shared goals.
We must keep them current, relevant and aspirational.
Conversation is investment…
Time is investment…
Touch is investment…
Consideration is investment…
What are the most important aspects of our life…?
And, which of those are we not investing in, or perhaps not investing enough in?
I am not teachin' or preachin'... I am your fellow student.
Things made up of humans, such as relationships, can be wonderful, satisfying, inspiring and life long without being perfect...but they require an on going investment.
There is NO status QUO.
Yours in harmony,
Nestor