There I go, jumping up and down carrying my HARMONY flag, fighting for the cause.
Perhaps at times over-zealous trying to dictate my version of harmony…
One of the concepts that I can rationally understand but fail to fully emotionally grasp is the concept of parallel harmonies…
Not EVERYONE seeks harmony…
There are those who feed on disharmony without realizing it.
There are those who find some strange comfort in creating discomfort in others. I think it gives them a sense of control and power over situations.
But, there are so many people who seek HARMONY… even though they would never wave the flag or buy the T-shirt.
Some people work to create harmony by
gardening.
cooking.
helping the kids.
staying late hours at work.
being gentle.
being strong and unwavering.
buying gifts.
taking time.
doing the laundry.
touching.
listening.
The point is this… many people are living their lives trying to create harmony in their own way… even if they don’t call it harmony.
EVEN IF IT’S A DIFFERENT METHOD FROM MINE…
There is a great book called the “Five Love Languages” does a great job of explaining how we express and “hear” love in a different ways…
- Touching
- Gifting
- Acts of Service
- Words of Affirmation
- Quality Time
When people work harmony in parallel ways – they sometimes miss each other. Their efforts are not only not fully appreciated… but they are even interpreted as acts of disharmony.
Here is an ironic truth about the pursuit of harmony…
WISHING THAT OTHERS SEEK HARMONY THE WAY WE SEEK HARMONY is DISHARMONY… It’s wishing!
The absolute truth is that
we seek harmony
we seek happiness
we seek success
in DIFFERENT WAYS!
And, often to the same ultimate end… to the end of building a life that flows, a life that we can be proud of, that is consistent with our values, that ties together all aspects of our lives into some meaningful fabric.
But, WISHING that everyone valued harmony in the way that we value it is WISHING…
How can we merge two forms or approaches to harmony that are different… that value different things?
This, my friends, is the most difficult aspect of long term relationships, and of marriage.
Happiness and harmony requires us to accept the absolute truth.
Thus, we must accept that different approaches to life can and must coexist.
It requires acceptance – that we are different.
Accepting things of this depth to our harmony are so hard for us to do emotionally, even if we can get our minds around it rationally.
We live in a world of parallel harmonies…
And we must work to be big enough to appreciate others’ approaches and attempts to find their harmony… EVEN if its different than ours.
We must be big enough to appreciate others’ approaches and not confuse them different approaches of harmony with disharmony…
It is so much easier to see it in others – in other people…
than it is to see it in ourselves… in our relationships.
The different approaches to harmony,
The wishing that others expressed their harmony to us in the way we want to hear it..
Becomes disharmony..
And, sometimes…
Sometimes…
That misinterpretation of harmony into disharmony then begets itself…
Harmony begets harmony
And, disharmony begets disharmony…
And, I have seen on so many occasions –
two well intentioned people,
two loving people,
two caring people,
misinterpret their own actions into disharmony..
and drive a wedge that ultimately divides and destroys.
Harmony, you see, is a matter of perception…
It’s a feeling inside of us…
It’s the ability to accept and embrace and appreciate and then propel into what we want…
Or, the inability do so, and to spiral away in a world of wishing things were different.
It is subtle in the moment…
It is absolute in the end…
That is why we must not take moments for granted.
That is why we must continue to try to embrace and understand.
Harmony is subtle in the moment…
And, absolute in the end…
As is disharmony…
We are always in motion…
Either slowly coming together…
Or, slowly drifting apart.
Don’t for a moment believe that we are ever standing still…
Wave your own flag… buy your own T-shirt… and stay mindful and committed.
It's absolute in the end.
Yours in harmony,
Nestor