So what? What do we do with parallel harmony?
What do you do when you have two people running down parallel paths… either at work, or more importantly at home?
You know when its happening, because you feel alone… even if you are right next to someone.
In the discussion yesterday, I said so simply… just accept and appreciate, and don’t let parallel harmonies end in the misinterpretation of disharmony…
So much easier said than done.
How do you make sense of parallel harmonies? How do you overcome the emotional gap so that you can reach the rational understanding? And, eventual an emotional harmony?
Just like all aspects of harmony, it can’t happen once, or once in a long while…
This is why for marital or loving relationships it requires a frequent pace.
This is why they say “dating” your spouse is so important… taking time for the relationship.
When you don’t take time to focus one on one, and you spend your lives focused on the work, the kids, the workouts, the stuff… on your own version of harmony… even if it works well for you… it could very likely not be working well for “both of you”… or for the YOU that includes the couple.
Again, the formulas are so easy.
We know them all.
It’s not KNOWING the formula.. it’s APPLYING the formula… over and over again.
This is why conversation is so important.
This is why physical touch is so important.
This is why together time is so important.
In those moments when we come together, we invest in each other… we overlap our harmony.
In those moments when we come together, we feel each other… we overlap our harmony.
In those moments when we come together, we empathize with each other… we overlap our harmony.
In those moments we are reminded that we are both reaching for the same goals, sharing so many of the same dreams, feeling so many of the same fears… even if we are filtering them, understanding them, resolving them differently… we are together…
Above our parallel harmonies – there is a single harmony… but we must invest the time to remember it, to understand it, to feel it.
When we come together, we realize we are not alone.
The longer the stretches of time between our conversations… the larger the distance between our harmonies.
The longer the stretches of time between our touch… the larger the distance between our hearts.
The longer the stretches of time between our connection… the larger the fear and discomfort of disharmony.
This is why long distance relationships SO OFTEN fail. The infrequent pace of connection creates a gap too wide to bridge.
First the gap between harmonies creates an emotional separation… where a rational bridge can still be built. The longer the gap between connection… there comes a time where neither our emotion nor our reason can bridge it – and a third party might be able to help force a connection.
And, many times the chasm becomes uncrossable…
How many times have you said, “I didn’t see that coming. They seemed like such a great couple.”
How many times have you heard, “We became strangers living together in our own home.”
Disharmony can create a barrier so uncomfortable to cross… It can make no sense – but we protect ourselves from disharmony with emotional disengagement… and the more moments it lasts- the larger it builds.
You know how powerful connection, love, touch can be…
You probably know that in a moment you can go from feeling like complete strangers to feeling like ONE undivisible couple.
All it takes is a moment…
A touch…
A word…
A gesture…
Harmony is so very powerful that it can cross an ocean in an instant…
Disharmony is so very powerful that it can keep us from reaching to each other… from understanding… from feeling… from touch… from words… from love.
I am not a teacher, but a student.
I think it is ironic that finding harmony at home with the person with whom you share the most aspects of your life can often be so very elusive.
My goal in these words is not to say that it is easy… far from it.
My goal is to make you aware that parallel harmony exists.. and it is real… and it is powerful when we have the discipline and the mutual generosity, where with all, and discipline to connect those harmonies with the larger more powerful one that brings us together and keeps us together.
PACE is a paramount concept in a life of harmony, at home, and at work.
We must stay in the right conversations.
We must make time for them.
We must connect… to construct… to feel.
Nothing stays in status quo…
If we take the time to connect… we build the most intimate and powerful of harmonies…
If we don’t… we risk it all.
There is no status quo.
With every moment that passes, we are either coming closer or getting farther apart.
We must not pretend that proximity creates connection… harmony.
It is shared vulnerability that creates connection and understanding…
We must come together often… to stay together… to strengthen our bond… to know that we are not alone.
Or, we can take it for granted, and risk losing it all.
There is no magic to harmony… it requires discipline.
There is no magic to love… it requires a shared harmony.
Parallel harmonies are real and necessary… and dangerous if we don’t nest them together into a greater single work of art.
Remember the concept of pace…
Remember the awesome power of frequency…
Moments beget moments… and we can recharge, reset and refuel our most important relationships with a simple word, gesture or touch…
We can turn the world around in a single moment…
Have the courage,
Have the wisdom,
Have the selfishness,
Have the selflessness,
To reach out first, to touch first, to speak first, to hold first, to be considerate first, to say you are sorry first, to say you miss each other first…
First, and OFTEN…
Create the moments to MERGE your parallel harmonies…
Create the moments to RECHARGE your SHARED harmony…
Create the moments to REMIND each other, you are in this TOGETHER...
And be mindful of your pace.
Yours in harmony,
Nestor