WISH versus WANT…
What really is the difference?
A good friend of mine, who is passionate about HARMONY, asked me recently,
“Have you explained the difference between WISH versus WANT?”
wow…. GOOD POINT!
You know how when you go to a restaurant there are those items on the menu that have a little star by the dish “Chef’s SPECIAL”. If my blog were a menu… this one would have several STARS by it!
After all – the ENTIRE concept of HARMONY hinges on the subtlety (or perhaps the not so subtle difference between the two words).
FOR REVIEW: Harmony happens in the moment. Each moment has a nucleus which is the ABSOLUTE TRUTH. Around that nucleus is an outer ring. That ring defines the line between WANT versus WISH. We achieve harmony in every moment that we anchor in the absolute truth and use all of our energy into who we WANT to be (inside that outer ring). We are in disharmony when we anchor our moments outside that line – in the “WISHING” space.
OK – there. Now you have it ;-)
Could the difference between those two four letter words truly define the difference between harmony and disharmony?
A B S O L U T E L Y
It amazes me still… If you read Man’s Search for Meaning by Victor Frankl or Good to Great and the part about the Stockdale Paradox by Jim Collins…
The difference in mindset between WISH and WANT can LITERALLY be the difference between LIFE AND DEATH!
I went to www.dictionary.com and that was NO help. (It so often is NOT).
They actually use WISH as the first definition for WANT, and WANT as the first definition for WISH.
You may not realize it now – but you KNOW that is NOT TRUE!
There are THREE CRITICAL DIFFERENCES BETWEEN THOSE WORDS… that MAKE THEM INTO COMPLETELY DIFFERENT CONCEPTS!
THE FIRST CRITICAL DIFFERENCE BETWEEN WISH VERSUS WANT IS
ACCOUNTABILITY
Try this…
I WISH I could lose weight.
I WANT to lose weight.
Or
I WISH I could make more money.
I WANT to make more money.
Or
I WISH I could change.
I WANT to change.
Do you HEAR the difference?
Do you FEEL the difference?
WISHING pushes accountability to the CLOUDS. And, not the internet clouds… the never, neverland clouds.
Saying the word WISH tends to include using the words COULD or WOULD further diluting the desire.
You WISH you could WIN the lottery!
You WISH upon STARS!
The ONLY control that you EXERT over WISHING is the ability to WISH…
WORTHLESS!!!!!
Whereas WANT is accountable… it begs the question…. THEN WHY DON’T YOU DO IT!
I want to lose weight… leads to I WILL lose weight!!!
WANT implies NOT JUST DESIRE but INTENT… WANT implies NOT JUST INTEREST but starts to beg RESOLVE… WANT implies NOT JUST CURIOSITY but ACCOUNTABILITY!!!
I want to be GREAT… I want to make a difference…. I want to touch the lives of everyone I work with… of everyone I meet…
I don’t wish for SH*T!!! I WANT for IMPACT!
Wishing is for wells, for stars, for magical lamps, for coins in a fountain, and for birthday cakes….
HARMONY is not about WISHING… IT’S ABOUT WANTING and ACTING IN EVERY MOMENT ON THAT WANT…
It’s about taking FULL RESPONSIBILITY and ACTION UPON YOUR WANT!
Sorry… this stuff gets me FIRED UP!
THE SECOND CRITICAL DIFFERENCE BETWEEN WISHING AND WANTING IS
TIMING
You now what they say, “Timing is EVERYTHING”… Or, in this case, its at least half of EVERYTHING that relates to HARMONY…
In short… you tend to WISH for things gone by. You WANT for the future…
WISHING allows you to go back in time… or forward in time…
I wish I had chosen a different major.
I wish I had made different decisions.
I wish I had known more when I was younger.
I wish I hadn’t eaten that cheese dog.
I wish I hadn’t had that last tequila shot.
I wish I would have paid more attention in school.
I wish…
I wish…
I wish…
ALL WASTED MOMENTS…
All moments spent accomplishing nothing.
All moments of disharmony.
You can’t really want for times and decisions gone by…
WISHING also is for the future…
I wish I could….
I wish I would…
All imply things OUT in time…
WISHING is about the past and the distant future… its about placing your desire on an unknown and uncontrollable timeline based on luck or happenstance…
WISHING SUCKS!!!
WANT however is in the NOW…
I WANT… is an active feeling and emotion…
I WANT therefore I WILL… It’s about an active desire in the moment…
It has the possibility to lead to action in the moment…
WHICH is the ONLY PLACE action happens.
THE THIRD CRITICAL DIFFERENCE BETWEEN WISHING AND WANTING IS
ACCIDENTS & UNWANTED SURPRISES
I don’t know if that is the correct word. But, think about “accidents” that happen to you. Things you wish you could DO OVER…
I wish I hadn’t been texting so that I could have seen that car before I hit it…
I wish I hadn’t forgotten that thing in the last hotel.
I wish I hadn’t said that…
I wish I had remembered to say…
I wish I had thought of…
I wish I hadn’t lost my temper…
I wish I would known that…
I wish she hadn’t died…
I wish he would have taken better care of himself…
I see disharmony so vividly in those moments of suffering…
And, what is crazy is that it can be such small moments, such silly moments…
Today, I got taken for an extra 5 or 10 bucks by a fast talking drink dealer outside of a tourist trap and “I wish I would have given the drinks back and taken back my money.”
There are times when talking to my children, when going to bed I feel this deep sense of, “I wish I would have remembered to say…”.
When you forget something you really wanted to bring. When you have a great presentation but you meant to include one more slide…
IT can be crazy trivial… or it can be the deepest suffering…
Most people at the instant of an “accident” or “surprise or reccognition” of something… feel this massive disharmony. It can be overwhelming….
The loss of a loved one…
I used to think that I could not get my head around the death of one of my children if it happened at a young age. I was in awe of people whom I know that were able to overcome massive and tragic deaths to their young children…
It’s all harmony and disharmony…
How quickly in the moment can you reframe to harmony?
How quickly in the moment can you reset to gratitude. Can you come back to be grateful for all that you still have, for all that you still love…
The moment where you are lamenting the death of a lost one is overwhelming with grief and pain, and I don’t want to pretend those moments don’t happen.
But some people can reset quickly… “I still have other children to think about and live for.” They say. “He died with his friends doing what he loved.” They may say. “He lived fully when he lived.” They may say…
And, I used to stay lost in the thought of the moment – of YEAH BUT… THEY WERE SO YOUNG…
I think I get it now…
I get that its not that you don’t feel the grief, its just that you embrace the reality… you accept the reality and reset on the gratitude that is still ALSO true.
HORRIBLE things happen and life goes on… and it goes on with so many of the BLESSINGS that we still have…
SILLY things happen… and how often do we get lost in the disharmony of SITUATIONAL things… Forgetting something… Remembering something… Saying something we wish we wouldn’t have… Ruining a surprise birthday…
Tonight I knocked over a glass of wine. It was an amazing night… the restaurant in Rome was unforgettable. The weather was perfect. The family was happy. The food was amazing. The waiter was a character. The wine was unbelievable. Everything was perfect… and then at the end of the dinner I knocked over my glass of wine and It landed on my son and wife. The wine did.
It was a split moment… I felt bad. It was an accident. I really wished it hadn’t happened… I might have ruined my wife’s purse. But literally in a moment I was over it. It was an accident.
Clearly, we don’t want to run around having accidents…
But how long do you linger in them?
I WISH I HADN’T DONE THAT, FORGOTTEN THAT, KNOCKED THAT OVER…
Versus –
I am having an amazing night.. I want to end it in the right way (and I need to be more careful)…
I know it’s a crazy silly example – but how often have we seen little silly things ruin an evening… someone gets upset about something… and a great night turns into an awkward one…
It’s from SITUATIONAL wishing…
There is NO WANT in that situation… “:I want not to have spilled that wine”… you would never say that… OR THINK THAT!
I used to walk along the nicer part of our neighborhood. Years ago I wished I could have a nicer home. Years ago I wished I could live a bigger life. Years ago I wished I could have a house on the ocean. I spent a ton of time wishing…
I wished I had made different decisions when I was younger. I wished I had been taught more by my parents. I wished I had paid more attention in class….
I spent A LOT of time WISHING… and all it got me was feeling like I wasn’t worthy.
WISHING makes us feel INSUFFICIENT…
WISHING makes us feel like we are NOT ENOUGH…
And, thus we WISH FOR MORE…
Today… I WANT for those things… and as I start to WANT… I want for MORE and BIGGER thigns… I want to make an impact… I want to add value to my company… I want to add value to the people in it… I WANT to build more wealth but only as a a result of building value…
AND IT ALL COMES DOWN TO THE MOMENT…
How am I IN THIS MOMENT moving my absolute truth in the direction of my dreams?
Ithe spirit of HARMONY…. BEFORE I even start WISHING or WANTING… I am grateful for the beautiful home, the amazing family, the strong health, the wisdom that I am blessed with…
It starts right there… it starts with resetting to the absolute truth…
How many people on this earth would trade places with me right now?
How many people who have lived on this earth have lived lives with greater possibility and greater comfort than I have the pleasure of living?
Of course there are many… but how many? What%?
I live a blessed life.
I live in a blessed time.
I live in a time with SUCH amazing health care and COMFORT…
And, on that absolute truth…
I get to build moments…
Do I build them on WISHES… externalizing accountability… dwelling on the past or hoping for the future…. OR lost in the unexpected MOMENT…
Or, do I spend it GRATEFUL AND HONEST ABOUT MY ABSOLUTE TRUTH….
AND COMMITTED TO ENERGETICALLY, UNAPOLOGETITCALLY, DELIBERATELY, CARINGLY, and ACTIVELY WANTING FOR MY DREAMS?
Once I embrace my truth… ALL OF IT – candidly and openly and gratefully… I ask myself….
How am I IN THIS MOMENT… ACTING on my WANT?
How am I IN THIS MOMENT… MAKING TRUE AND REAL my dreams?
How am I IN THIS MOMENT… MAKING MY DREAMS COME TRUE?
WISHING versus WANTING is EVERYTHING…
WANTING leads to ACTION…
WISHING leads to HOPING…
WANTING leads to WILL…
WISHING leads to VICTIMS…
WANTING leads to DREAMS…
WISHING leads to NOTHING…
WISHING is for stars, for wells and for birthday cakes…
WANTING is for YOU!!!
WANTING IS FOR HARMONY!!!!
WANTING IS FOR SUCCESS AND HAPPINESS!!!
The difference in two four letter words is the difference between life and death… between a life full of smiles and dreams and a life full of tears and wishes…
DO NOT underestimate the importance of these words…
DO NOT underestimate the importance of moments…
WANT YOURSELF to ACT…
And, EVERY moment you catch yourself wishing (and you will… I do… its human)…
JUST RECOGNIZE it…
And, in the next moment…
TRY AGAIN!
It’s the amazing power of harmony…
Work for it in every moment…
And don’t let anyone tell you the difference is subtle or the definitions for want and wish are the same…
The line between them ….
The emotion between them…
IS EVERYTHING!!!!
Yours in harmony,
Nestor