So here we are…
It’s a brand new year!
Or is it the same year all over again just with a new mindset and an older body. Sorry, that was the cynic in me who took over there for a moment.
I haven’t written for a week almost, because it feels like New Year’s Eve. How can one possibly compete with all of the noise and the positivity that abounds.
Oh, and add to it, the increased self expectations of our resolutions.
Everywhere I turn, I see another “How to be happy in 2015” article, or the “4 Things you need to do to live without regret,” or the “10 Things to ensure a great relationship.”
Is it me? Or is the world endlessly yelling and screaming the answers while nobody truly listens?
Me?
I’m not ready for 2015.
I’m not ready for Monday.
I’m not ready for the new challenge and the higher expectations.
I want to snuggle back into my bed and pretend this past week and a half is going to on forever.
Kind of…
I want to keep moving at this slower pace, though I am afraid that just like harmony begets harmony, a slower pace begets an even slower pace.
I had a dream the other day.
Actually, it was more of a nightmare, and you might think I am weird.
I dreamt that we had some massive meeting in some pretty cool church and convention-like location. There were hundreds and hundreds of people. Everyone was generally engaged, but nobody knew what they were supposed to do, or where they were supposed to be.
The event had no “MC”, master of ceremonies.
I remember feeling so lost and so critical.
WHY ARE WE HERE?
WHO IS IN CHARGE?
WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED TO BE ACCOMPLISHING?
WHAT HAPPENS NEXT?
HOW LONG DOES THIS LAST?
WHAT IS THE PURPOSE?
WHAT IS THE OBJECTIVE?
“All of this effort, this expense, this wasted value!” I thought, “And, it could all be resolved by someone just standing up and giving some direction and setting some expectations.”
I woke up soon after that, and was perplexed by my own dream.
WTF?
Initially, I thought specifically about work. I have been in this situation before, and I tend to fill the void of the MC. And, I do love being the MC, for many reasons.
But, MOSTLY because I think the experience is so much more meaningful when someone sets expectations and when someone helps you to understand the purpose.
When I am the MC, in my life, in my business, in my family… I don’t feel like I am setting my direction (though I might be fooling myself). I feel like I am trying to understand what the purpose “should be”. I am trying to understand not necessarily “what do I want”, but more “what does the group want or need”?
Sometimes the answer seems to be “chilling”… this group needs to “chill”. Sometimes its “planning”. Sometimes its “warmth and feeling”. Sometimes its “energy”. Sometimes its “direction”. Sometimes it’s a ‘”vision”. But, once a purpose is established, there is a harmony.
The “WANT” is made clear and broadly understood.
Then, after thinking about it from a “business” standpoint, I realized, this isn’t just about business. It’s about life.
Do we all have an “MC”?
What is my “MC” saying when I get up in the morning? How clear is the voice in my head giving me my purpose? How aligned am I throughout the day on my plan? How clear am I on my own expectations?
So many thoughts in my mind from so many articles…
Set meaningful goals.
Set SMART goals.
Or “dumb” goals… someone changed up the acronym.
Don’t drink coffee first thing in the morning.
Don’t check your cell phone first thing.
Meditate.
Get home earlier for dinner from work.
Don’t work so hard.
Make things happen at work with less effort.
Focus on the big things.
Dig into the right little things.
Get back to eating right.
Get back to exercising more regularly.
Hit that 2 hrs 45 minute mark on the triathlon.
Do a half Ironman.
Get strategy right at work.
Get to Peru.
Be a better father.
There are literally hundreds, if not thousands of thoughts all criss-crossing in my mind…
So, when I see all of the “Be Happier” in 2015 messages, my brain almost instinctively rejects them.
NO MAS!!!
I didn’t read all the books that I was supposed to read.
I didn’t work all the issues that I needed to work.
I didn’t solve all of the problems that I was supposed to solve.
I didn’t watch all of the movies that I wanted to watch with my boys.
I didn’t have all of the moments.
I didn’t get all of the workouts.
So, here I am, feeling unprepared and unready for another year of new challenges and opportunities.
And, yet I know… with complete certainty that in another few days of “relaxation” I would feel completely lost.
I know that not engaging in the life that we are supposed to be engaging on is a cop out.
I know that staying away from the issues that the voice inside of us screams at us to solve, is cowardice.
I know that there is no “hiding” from the life that we are supposed to live, because the MC in your life, the voice in your head, doesn’t let you forget it.
I could be deep in my comfy bed, under my down comforter and the voice in my head is yelling louder than ever.
I KNOW that my life, my art, my love IS what it IS, and it is amazing, and the highs and lows are largely variations in my own ability to see it and OWN it!
So… I a not going to wish you a “Happy New Year”. I SO DON’T WANT TO BE one more article oversimplifying our lifelong and never-ending effort to embrace ourselves and our truth.
I just want to encourage your “MC”, the voice within you to never give up, to size up the task appropriately, and to keep finding the purpose in your day.
I sit here, and on TV, some woman I have never met says, I start the day with some sad news, our “colleague and friend, Stuart Scott passed away this morning.”
As I saw his face come up on the TV, I realized I knew who he was. I didn’t realize he had been fighting cancer for 8 years.
Everyone on the TV was moved. Football players, coaches, co-anchors… all moved to tears acknowledging his life. I love seeing real emotion. It fuels my fire.
Stuart Scott was 49 years old.
He had two daughters, about the age of my older two boys.
He won the Jimmy V. award this past Summer. And, his words were along the lines of “When you die to cancer, you do not ‘lose’. You beat cancer by how you live, why you live, and the manner in which you live.”
Rest in peace Stuart Scott... and THANK YOU for being an inspiration to so many, for not giving up, and for reminding me about what is important.
It is GUILT that cripples me. It is SELFISHNESS that brings me to a crawl. The more I try to solve the puzzle of life for myself, the less I understand it.
Listening to the reality of death, and the temporary nature of our stay, leaves me
humbled and reenergized.
It’s not achieving happiness.
It’s about staying grateful…
Grateful for this year, for this day, for this moment…
And, even more importantly, I realize that its not about ME.
I am not ready for 2015…
But, I am grateful for this moment.
Grateful to be here, to be healthy, and to have THE OPPORTUNITY to contribute.
Here is what I know…
The more I think about myself, the more I am lost.
The more I plan to show up today for my own benefit, the lonelier I feel.
The more I try to come up with my own objective – the more my purpose seems purposeless.
The more I realize that I am here to improve the world around me in some small and unique way, by being who I am, the more I find my light, my energy and my fire.
My MC is warming up ready to take the stage inside my own mind.
My purpose is to be present, mindful and joyful in this moment, so that I can in some way leave this moment better than I found it for others.
Everything else is just noise!
Each of us fights our own demons…
Each of us works through our own filters…
And, yet, I am convinced that our truth is so very much the same.
Our quest for harmony is shared…
Our truth is one.
Our purpose is each other.
Bring on the day!
Yours in harmony,
Nestor