The WEIGHT of disharmony…
Pay attention.
Take a deep breath.
How heavy is your chest?
How early in the evening do you want to go to bed?
How hard is it to rise in the morning?
Take a deep breath...
Pay attention.
I tell people often, “I don’t get stressed.” Which I really think is the truth. I feel “stress” very infrequently. But, I think it has to do with what I have concluded as to the definition for stress.
I don’t think my heartbeat races. I don’t feel anxiety. I don’t have irrational desires to exit situations. I don’t feel out of control. Per the “internet’s” definition, I don’t have “chronic worry”, I don’t feel “pessimistic”, nor “depressed”. I don’t have “unrealistic expectations”. I don’t feel “overwhelmed”. I am not “angry or short tempered”. I am not “having trouble sleeping” nor “experiencing less sexual desire”.
Per the vast majority of definitions, I don’t DO stress.
I take pride in that.
Probably more than I should or deserve.
But, if I am really honest with myself (and with you),
I DO feel the weight of disharmony.
If I pay attention to my body and my mind…
they are often heavy…
heavier than I’d like to admit.
I wish there was a scale that you could step on that gave us the “weight” of our disharmony. I bet that we are all carrying a few extra pounds ;-)
I think that is one of the reasons that I want to be leaner…
Because I do believe that my weight is a reflection of my level of harmony, focus and happiness.
I get the idea that some people can be “fat & jolly”. I tried to be “fat and grateful” for many years, but I didn’t feel a great satisfaction with myself until I was leaner and felt stronger and healthier.
I definitely sense a correlation between the weight of disharmony and the weight on my scale at home.
Close your eyes.
Take a deep breath.
How light do you feel?
How much momentary relief do you feel from that breath?
How much of the day do you find yourself smiling, just because?
How hard is it for you to find your harmony?
It shouldn’t be so hard.
When I am trying too hard, I realize I am either in the wrong role, in the wrong place, or too much in the wrong mindset.
When we are spending all of our energy finding momentary harmony, despite all of my rhetoric, we are at a superficial level of harmony.
Why can’t I anchor in my deep and macro harmony.
I AM ALIVE!
I GOT THE MUSCLES THAT WORKED!
I AM HEALTHY AND STRONG!
I HAVE A BEATIFUL, HEALTHY AND LOVING FAMILY!
I HAVE AMAZING & SOULFUL FRIENDSHIPS…
I HAVE A ROLE AT WORK THAT INSPIRES ME… A ROLE THAT I HAVE ALWAYS WANTED.
I AM INFLUENCING THE DIRECTION OF OUR COMPANY, AND ITS 500+ EMPLOYEES…
I LIVE IN A FREE COUNTRY... AND THERE IS NO BOUNDARIES TO THE POSSIBILITIES OF MY LIFE!
MY LIFE HAS PURPOSE AND MEANING… AND LOVE… AND SO OFTEN HARMONY...
THAT IS WHAT IS…
WHY can’t I anchor myself fully and permanently in THAT TRUTH…
HOW can I anchor in that truth…
So that the momentary harmony will be easier to achieve?
So that superficial wishing can be easily avoided?
Is it because I am ambitious or because I am ungrateful…
Disharmony has a weight to it…
And if you take a deep breath,
You can feel just how much of it you are carrying with you…
I want to believe there is a place, a mindset, where we can desire to be better than we are, without being ungrateful for where we are, or who we are…
It’s a magical place…
The place of full acceptance.
I know that place exists…
And, when you can START there…
When you can call that place home –
Then you are not only perhaps living moments of harmony, or a life mostly of harmony…
You ARE harmony!
I’m not there yet…
Still learning… And mindful of the weight of my disharmony…
Awareness is the first step…
Take a deep breath...
Pay attention...
I am...
Still working my way home!
Nestor
PS. I write this because I feel it... and, so often, people I talk to believe that I have "figured it out" so completely. I know the recipe... at least I know a great recipe. But, I have not fully internalized it... I am still looking at the recipe when I cook... I am still looking at the music when I play... There is a place where we start to cook and play from the heart... Where every meal and every piece we play flows deliciously from our soul... That's the place I want to call home! "I am not a teacher. I have nothing to teach." I am sharing a recipe & hoping that we can help each other enjoy a delicious life in the journey of achieving it.