The day after Thanksgiving, I drove my sun to the airport. He was heading back to California to finish his first semester in college.
On our way, I thought about how much he had grown, or better said "matured", in the past few months. His thoughts seem more insightful, more considered, more aware.
In the spirit of making meaningful conversation and enjoying my time with him, I asked,
"Now that you are more removed from the family, now that you can see it from farther away, what should we do different? How could we be better as a family? What could I do better?"
He rolled his eyes, as he often does... "OH DAD..." I could hear him saying to himself in his own mind.
And then he said, (and I am paraphrasing)
"Not unlike many other families probably, but we are so lost in the little stuff.
We are so distracted and consumed by the little stuff everyday.
We miss real opportunities on the stuff that really matters."
Hmmm...
OUCH...
But,
WOW!
YES!
"Like what?" I said...
"Like when is the last time we had a game night? (Board games with the family at home)"
It brought on a rush of so many different and great emotions.
For a flash of a moment, my first gut reaction was going to be, "You guys don't really seem to enjoy game nights. We are always arguing about what to play. You all want to play different things..." Deflect, defend, duck, move....
NO, NO, NO.... OWN it, I thought to myself. That was such sage & wonderful feedback.
"You are right." I said, "I can do better. It is difficult to find games that all of you will play, but I don't give thinking about that enough time. There are so many things we could do together on game night. Let's make more of those happen when you are home."
His point wasn't just "game night". Though that did make me realize that so many things that we do, we don't realize how much the kids may be remembering them or enjoying them.
His point was that "we and very much - I - am so often sprinting and so often distracted... and I am missing so many great opportunities for what really matters.
I feel it. I felt it that week before Thanksgiving.
I feel it this week as I rush to Phoenix when my son just got home from college to try to do some work with our team on the West Coast. This trip to Phoenix years ago would have cost me great disharmony. I see what I need to do more clearly now. I know how I need to approach this trip and these moments.
With regards to him, I am more and better aware of his words, his heart, his mind and my actions.
We had a wonderful day on Sunday together.
And, I am making plans for a special Saturday when i am back from Phoenix - to spend with my oldest boys.
A lot of my sprint is very necessary, but I must be smart enough to stop sprinting for what matters... and above all that is to make time and moments with those I love. To allow room for conversations without a clock ticking in the background.
Time not just to be present, but to be engaged.
Time not just to share, but to enjoy.
I am proud of my sons for many things. And, my oldest certainly has had some accomplishments that are noteworthy.
But, truly... the thing that I am most proud of him for,
the thing that I am most grateful for,
Is that he is awake and observing and searching to understand not just the principles of engineering or business, but of life.
I see it in his eyes.
I hear it in his words.
He is growing wiser & more grateful... so very quickly.
And, he, like his brothers, is helping me to grow wiser and more grateful.
How very cool is that?
Yours in harmony,
Nestor