My son sent me this saying…
“First, I was dying to finish high school and start college.
And, then I was dying to finish college and start working.
And, then I was dying to marry and have children.
And, then I was dying for my children to grow old enough for school so I could return to work.
And then I was dying to retire.
And, now, I am dying…
And suddenly I realize I forgot to live.”
With the comment from him, “I need to always remember this!”
I love that he is thinking not just about what he wants and what he feels, but about how his mindset needs to evolve to have the greatest journey possible.
I couldn’t help myself and sent him probably more thoughts back than was ideal.
I thanked him for sharing it, and told him that I have unfortunately lost many moments “dying” for the future. I also told him, that the hardest thing is to enjoy moments doing things we don’t necessarily like to do… because those in time, will also be looked back on as wonderful moments.
For example, as much as I “hated” some moments in school, I look back to those days longing for problems that are that defined and reasonably easy to resolve.
His email was timely, and it was very much along the lines of a conversation I wanted to share regarding my recent ski trip.
I have always been “THAT” guy!
Yes…
THAT guy that wants to make the MOST of things…
THAT guy that when we get to the ocean, I want to get on the sand and jump in the water and I huff and puff as I have to slow down to get all the GEAR!
THAT guy that when we get to the amusement park, wants to drop everything and sprint to the first ride and jump on and I huff and puff making sure we have all the kids and that everyone went to the bathroom...
THAT guy that wants to be on the first ski lift in the morning and wants to take pride in being the last one off the lift at night... and huff and puff getting the tickets and waiting in the original line and slowing down to have breakfast...
THAT guy that wants to get the most runs, the most rides, the most hours in a day, the most turns at the table…
THAT IMPATIENT... OH SO IMPATIENT GUY...
For the NEXT moment!
But WHY?
Is it just because I am “impatient”?
Is it because I want to “win” on some measure?
Is it because I want to be able to “tell a story” afterwards?
Is it because I am an “opportunist”?
Is it because I am “selfish”?
I don’t know exactly. But, I know that that impatience creates disharmony in people around me, and it makes me miss wonderful quality moments sometimes in the pursuit of quantity.
I can think of the ski trip that I took with the family last Christmas, where I wanted to ski everyday, and I wanted to start early.
Sometimes the memories of those trips become blurred. And most importantly, moments are lost and tempers flare.
Why couldn’t I have planned a down day with the family, where we spent a non-hurried day together? Why couldn’t we have started late one morning, and enjoyed a cross country experience as a family?
I remember times skiing with the family where I didn’t want to go in for lunch, because I would “miss” runs.
“MISS” what runs? Wasn’t I there to be with the family? IF the family was hungry, shouldn’t I have been happy to enjoy a nice meal with them?
I know the feeling… there is this sense that we are / I am going to “miss” something…
On this recent ski trip, the snow wasn’t supposed to be great, so the crew was not in a hurry. And, it made a difference.
I came into the trip, wanting to do it differently, less harried more collaborative and into whatever the group was into.
I had an amazing trip. The best ski trip (non-family) that I’ve had. And, I wonder how much of it was a result of the attitude shift?
As much as I try not to be “materialistic” and I certainly am on some level, when it comes to experiences, I have not been deliberate enough about quantity over quality.
Being in a hurry, is just virtually NEVER a good idea, specially when it comes to experiences and people you love.
Life will take the time it takes. Not being in a hurry, may perhaps be not only the way to get more stuff ultimately done (clearer priorities and focus) but also may be the way to get the MOST enjoyment out of experiences.
I need to be careful not to try to “collect” experiences in terms of quantity, but rather collect them in terms of quality.
I know that it will reduce the occasional disharmony that I create in people around me whom I love.
I am a bit impatient.
I am a bit selfish.
I am a bit of an opportunist.
I do want to squeeze the MOST juice out of life…
And, I need to remember that its not about SUPER SIZING my cup, but rather enjoying the squeeze, and tasting the sweetness!
Love that my son’s antenna is up.
Love that he is pensive and learning self awareness.
And, love that I get to grow up alongside him…
I will work to be in less of a hurry… and I don’t want to “die” for anything.
I will heed his words and focus on “living” more for and in the moment...
Dying to live... the next moment... so ironic ;-)
I am working to stay in the current one as long as possible, and learning to have the patience and wisdom to enjoy the people that I am sharing it with...
And, I love that my son is thinking and shaping his mind, and becoming aware of these thoughts so much earlier than I did.
In harmony not being on the first chair or on the fresh snow or being the first one in the office ;-)
Sometimes, maybe, the next moment can wait!
Nestor