The COST of pleasure ;-)

I am at the airport in Vancouver, heading home from 5 days skiing.

I know…

Tough life.

I think my wife is feeling very much that way after my travel heavy month of February. I hope and plan to travel less in March.

So, this is my yearly ski trip with my partner from EMG and a few clients. As much as we do get some work done during the trip, it’s heavy on the pleasure aspect.

While the snow was not perfect, skiing at Whistler and Blackcomb had some pretty perfect moments.

I do so love skiing for so many reasons.

Perhaps the biggest reason is that I never expected to be a skier, so just putting on the gear and stepping out onto the mountain is a treat.

Being outdoors is wonderful, and the tops of ski mountains are backdropped with some of the most spectacular views, none that I have seen more beautiful than Whistler.

Then there is the thrill of coming down the mountain and the joy of feeling strong and at times on the edge of control, expecting and at times hoping, that your legs, your strength and skill will keep you out of harms way.

And, there was the après ski, which on this trip was more festive than ever. There was a bar at the bottom of the hill at Whistler Village called Longhorns, that was just HAPPENIN’… Every skier seemed to stop there everyday . The music was great, and the sound system awesome. The people were lively. Massages at the table, buckets of beer, all kinds of unhealthy food in excess… it just had an amazing vibe.

And, my family was home.

At the end of my Phoenix trip last week, I knew this week’s trip would be guilt ridden. I enjoyed a few days at home with the family, and was back on the road on Tuesday.

I could have called it off and lost the 1,300 dollar room fee.

I would have felt less guilty that way. And, I am sure, I would have been disappointed with my decision.

When we do things for pleasure, they come with guilt.

At least they do for m

That is why, I so love taking time and vacations with the whole family. The guilt is present, but lowest when I am with the family.

There are two voices in my head, sometimes more.

The one voice says:

- This is an important trip.

- It allows you to bond with your partner, discuss things about business that you don’t get to discuss too often.

- It is one of your joys to ski, and unfortunately with the kids school and basketball schedules, the opportunity with the family is limited.

- It is reasonable to take a few days off from your family and ski. They are well taken care of by my wife and by themselves.

- You get to meet new people that you always enjoy, and see and ski some of the greatest ski locations in the world. How cool is that?

- It’s reasponable to take a trip that is largely for pleasure, by yourself with other guys.

Then the other voice smiles, and says:

- Yeah, but!

- But, you have been traveling so much lately that the family really needs you more than normal.

- But, you are spending money that the company and/or your family could put to better use.

- But, you are unfairly putting the burden of your family on your wife.

- But, did you have to go for all 4 days plus 2 travel days, why didn’t you leave sooner? You could be home right now.

- But, does it have to be every year, shouldn’t you be ok doing it every OTHER year?

- But, don’t you have a lot going on at work. Are you being irresponsible by not working these days…

Story of my life…

The cost of pleasure, and my ability and willingness to pay for it.

In the past, I would have not gone on the trip. Then there was a time when I would have gone on the trip and felt very bad. Now, I have graduated to going on the trip and feeling only a little bad…

Progress!

Am I getting more selfish?

Yes, probably…

Is it a reasonable level of selfishness? (probably depends on who you talk to ;-)

I think it ties into our sense of “are we worthy of pleasure” mindset.

Pleasure almost always comes at a cost; either financial, time, something…

I think that I am more comfortable with my selfishness because I think I deserve a reasonable amount of pleasure. (Just saying that out loud causes me to cringe a little…)

And, the absolute truth is that pleasure comes with a cost. So, if I want to live a life of JOY and HAPPINESS, then it will likely include some level of pleasure, and I need to be ok with the selfishness that it requires to do that.

I know it sounds self serving.

But, I think it’s a healthy example to set for my boys. It’s ok to take some time for yourself. It’s ok to go enjoy some fun time on the slopes. And, its part of a larger puzzle that includes working hard, and being there for the family at the same time.

I think balance is important.

I want my boys, as they grow up, to realize they are not the center of all of my attention, nor my wife’s, because as they get older they won’t be, just like we won’t be the center of theirs.

I am at the airport for 6 hours this morning (no stand by options) to come home early. So, the two voices in my head are having a field day, and renegotiating and rehashing the selfish conversation.

I “wish” I would have taken the earliest flight out. Hindsight is 20/20.

I had an amazing trip, and I felt the guilt, and I dealt with it.

I missed my family, and that’s a part of it.

And, when I get home, I appreciate them all the more.

I think that is the important part of selfishness, it helps us to celebrate and appreciate sharing and the deliciousness of that feeling.

I don’t know what is “wrong” or “right”.

I know many people don’t feel ok with taking time for themselves, to the point that they don’t.

And I would argue (both sides ;-) of that argument.

But, the absolute truth is that I want to live a life without regret, and a few days on the slopes for me, for whatever reason is important and amazingly enjoyable.

I hope to take more trips to places like this with my wife and with my boys, and I will enjoy those with less guilt.

I think of some dear friends that take this week and go skiing together (husband and wife). Wow... I'd LOVE that, but not really our thing. I'd love to take my wife on a trip cross country skiing in the winter. I hope to do that someday. And, it probably won't replace the pleasure of this trip, but rather add to it.

For now, I will be grateful for these past days of selfishness on the slopes, and I will pay the price of pleasure with a smile on my face, a soreness in my legs, and a little pang of guilt in my heart…

Wishing for anything else (including an earlier departure) would be disharmony…

Does pleasure cause you harmony or disharmony? How about to those around you? Questions worth considering. And, ultimately reasonable is a subjective thing... and we only own our interpretation of it...

There is a cost to pleasure...

In reasonable harmony, at least in my own selfish opinion ;-)

Nestor

Comment